We have a new weekly feature, just for you, our loyal and fantastic readers. Every Friday, we’re going to pit two fictional characters against one another, in a fight to the death.
Think Deadliest Warrior, but with far fewer historical accuracies, and a truth to the hyperbole that we spin here. So who’s up first, in our debut Kumite? Why none other, than two of the finest cops to ever grace the silver screen, Jack Slater and Frank Drebin.
Here’s the catch, we want you to guys to vote with your comments below. It’s up to a majority vote, and contrary to what Judge Dredd believes, this time, democracy is for the people.
Kervyn and I will each make our own case, as to why our chosen brawler will emerge victorious, and it’s up to you to decide the victor. So go ahead, pick a side, and LETS GET IT ON!
Drebin is a cop with only one real weakness, and that’s in the form of lethal asphyxiating linenware. He’s a walking timebomb, an impossible fusion of deadpan delivery and death-dealing buffoonery, but his track record speaks for itself.
Sure, he may lack the physicality of his counterpart, but make no mistake, when it comes to combat, Nielsen is the MacGuyver of death, using inventive ways to kill anyone.
Factor in his sheer dumb luck, OJ Simpson in his corner and a complete disregard for reality, and you’ve got an unbeatable combination.
Whereas Drebin may have the blessings of the Gods of Buffoonery as he blunders his way through every case, Slater is quite simply the very god of his fictional world. A cigar chewing, droll one-liner spewing, “never look at the explosion as you walk away” bona fide God of Action.
He’s the star of the movie, in a movie, and he knows it. Laws of reality? Pftt, that’s just another thing for Slater to blow up. Not even the cinema screen could contain all his action-man badassery!
He just strolls through firefights with nary a scratch, packs a weapon that would be more at place on the deck of a battleship, always gets the girl, and always brings in the bad guy. OK, so he single-handedly converted half of downtown Los Angeles into a smoking crater of mangled cars and wrecked buildings while doing it, but what else was he going to do today to turn his police captain into a human volcano of rage and bad metaphors?
Who wins? You decide!
Last Updated: May 25, 2012