Home Entertainment Friday Fight Club – It's a cop out!

Friday Fight Club – It's a cop out!

2 min read

We have a new weekly feature, just for you, our loyal and fantastic readers. Every Friday, we’re going to pit two fictional characters against one another, in a fight to the death.

Think Deadliest Warrior, but with far fewer historical accuracies, and a truth to the hyperbole that we spin here. So who’s up first, in our debut Kumite? Why none other, than two of the finest cops to ever grace the silver screen, Jack Slater and Frank Drebin.

Here’s the catch, we want you to guys to vote with your comments below. It’s up to a majority vote, and contrary to what Judge Dredd believes, this time, democracy is for the people.

Kervyn and I will each make our own case, as to why our chosen brawler will emerge victorious, and it’s up to you to decide the victor. So go ahead, pick a side, and LETS GET IT ON!

Frank Drebin

Drebin is a cop with only one real weakness, and that’s in the form of lethal asphyxiating linenware. He’s a walking timebomb, an impossible fusion of deadpan delivery and death-dealing buffoonery, but his track record speaks for itself.

Sure, he may lack the physicality of his counterpart, but make no mistake, when it comes to combat, Nielsen is the MacGuyver of death, using inventive ways to kill anyone.

Factor in his sheer dumb luck, OJ Simpson in his corner and a complete disregard for reality, and you’ve got an unbeatable combination.

Jack Slater

Whereas Drebin may have the blessings of the Gods of Buffoonery as he blunders his way through every case, Slater is quite simply the very god of his fictional world. A cigar chewing, droll one-liner spewing, “never look at the explosion as you walk away” bona fide God of Action.

He’s the star of the movie, in a movie, and he knows it. Laws of reality? Pftt, that’s just another thing for Slater to blow up. Not even the cinema screen could contain all his action-man badassery!

He just strolls through firefights with nary a scratch, packs a weapon that would be more at place on the deck of a battleship, always gets the girl, and always brings in the bad guy. OK, so he single-handedly converted half of downtown Los Angeles into a smoking crater of mangled cars and wrecked buildings while doing it, but what else was he going to do today to turn his police captain into a human volcano of rage and bad metaphors?


Who wins? You decide!

Last Updated: May 25, 2012


  1. Justin Hess

    May 25, 2012 at 13:30

    Drebin. And he wouldn’t even have to try. In fact, he’d manage a win purely by clumsy accident.

    With Slater already waiting at the pre-arranged location for their duel, Drebin rocks up in his department issue vehicle.
    Slater, quick as a flash, reaches for his side-arm but, without blinking an eye, Drebin runs him over while looking for a parking spot.

    Which very quickly concludes this week’s character face-off


  2. WernerE

    May 25, 2012 at 13:54

    Frank Drebin hands down.

    …as Drebin gets out, he forgets to pull up his parking brake. Slater stuck underneath the department issue vehicle, legs sticking out, is dragged along as the car rolls in reverse over a fire hydrant, several traffic cones and a cactus before launching itself over the pier, crashing into the water and bursting into flames…


  3. James Francis

    May 25, 2012 at 15:06

    It’s an unfair match – I don’t think anyone could beat Drebin, not even Drebin. 

    Okay, maybe Inspector Clouseau.But… Slater has an unnatural advantage – knowledge of the real world. If Drebin was lured there, he’d probably kill himself in five minutes or get arrested for causing a major accident. 

    So, if Slater plays his cards right, Drebin is toast.


  4. mornelithe

    May 25, 2012 at 23:59

    Well, I hate to take a side here on this, but looking at it logically there’s only one real sure thing.

    Jack Slater can’t die.  The fictional world he lives in always shifts to ensure his survival, the end of Last Action Hero showed us this.  However, we haven’t really seen Drebin in a similar circumstance, he always seems to bumble his way to success.  So, I think that the fight would end in a draw.

    When Drebin gets hit with a punch, he somehow manages to follow it up with an attack, accidentally.  That’s if he hasn’t already managed to knock a would-be attacker out without even knowing it.  Any wound inflicted on Slater is automatically downgraded to a minor scratch/flesh-wound on the big screen, so they would both likely run out of bullets, run out of energy to continue fighting, or knock each other out and forget the whole thing.


    • Kervyn Cloete

      May 26, 2012 at 09:51

      Finally, somebody understands Tanner’s omnipotent action movie powers!


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