The first of our new releases is Into the Storm, a found-footage disaster film from Steven Quale, starring Thorin Oakenshield Richard Armitage and an unremarkable supporting cast.
In the span of a single day, the town of Silverton is ravaged by an unprecedented onslaught of tornadoes. The entire town is at the mercy of the erratic and deadly cyclones, even as storm trackers predict the worst is yet to come. Most people seek shelter, while others run towards the vortex, testing how far a storm chaser will go for that once-in-a-lifetime shot.
I am guessing Armitage isn’t going to be too happy about having this movie in his filmography. Currently sitting on a disastrous (ha, see what I did there?) 21% on Rotten Tomatoes, Into the Storm apparently can’t weather its shaky plot and abysmal dialogue.
Boyhood (Cinema Nouveau)
Now onto the good movies! Filmed over 12 years with the same cast, Richard Linklater’s Boyhood is a groundbreaking story of growing up as seen through the eyes of a child named Mason, who literally grows up on screen before our eyes.
Yes, Boyhood might be Oscar-bait and yes, film critics have collectively wet themselves over it which might cause your average film-goer to roll their eyes, but there’s no denying the incredible cinematic achievement of filming a movie over twelve years. Twelve years! With 99% on Rotten Tomatoes, Boyhood is the closest anyone has come to capturing real life on film.
As Above, So Below (Limited Release)
And, that was it for the good movies. And look, another found footage film! We never get tired of those. Sigh. (Yes, yes, I know I’m a sarcastic armchair critic with no experience). Moving on…
Miles of twisting catacombs lie beneath the streets of Paris, the eternal home to countless souls. When a team of explorers ventures into the uncharted maze of bones, they uncover the secret of what this city of the dead was meant to contain. A journey into madness and terror, As Above, So Below reaches deep into the human psyche to reveal the personal demons that come back to haunt us all.
Well, wasn’t that dramatic! With headache-inducing shaky cam and rapid-fire jump cuts stumbling between jump-scares and clichés, As Above, So Below has managed to scrape together 30% on Rotten Tomatoes.
Mom’s Night Out (Limited Release)
All Allyson and her friends want is a peaceful, grown-up evening of dinner and conversation… a long-needed moms’ night out. But in order to enjoy high heels, adult conversation and food not served in a paper bag, they need their husbands to watch the kids for three hours. What could possibly go wrong?
Well, a lot, but you don’t need me to point out the plot contrivances. Mom’s Night Out is a movie that centres on the cliché that mothers can’t ever leave the house or the entire family falls apart, which is unfunny and untrue at best, and downright sexist at worst. 18% on Rotten Tomatoes? Skip.
The Canyons (Cinema Nouveau)
While calculating young movie producer Christian makes films to keep his trust fund intact, his actress girlfriend, Tara, hides an affair with an actor from her past. But Christian becomes aware of her infidelity, which leads the young Angelenos into a violent, sexually-charged tour through the dark side of human nature.
What a hot mess. Funded by Kickstarter, and starring a porn actor (no, not Lindsay Lohan), erotic thriller-drama The Canyons is by most accounts an inept, pretentious attempt at a modern-day noir film. Bizarrely enough, most critics agree that Lohan’s performance is the one thing that might make it worth the watch. Rotten Tomatoes gives it 24%.
Last Updated: September 5, 2014