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Screw The Oscars

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The Oscars are stupid and a waste of time. Here’s why…

They are full of white people

Take the nominations of the past decade for best movie/director/actors. Remove all the movies that tackle a racial issue or require a actor to play a specific race. What do you end up with? Something that might double for white supremacist recruitment campaigns.

They are predictable

It took little effort to guess which films would be nominated for awards, because their names came up even before the movies were released. All Unbroken had to do to be nominated was not suck. Ditto for Birdman and American Sniper. I’m not saying these aren’t good movies, but I doubt any reasonable bookie is taking bets on who gets nominated.

The films are all kinda the same

Want an Oscar nomination? Make something historical, tackle something taboo or just be so gosh-darn quirky. The last time a truly fun film was nominated was in 1981 – Raider Of The Lost Ark.

It’s just a big snub fest

I bet Interstellar didn’t get a best picture nomination because Christopher Nolan already has so many previous nominations. But this approach doesn’t work, because Interstellar is actually a great film. So was Zero Dark Thirty, but it lost to the inferior formula-job Argo. And let’s not mince words: Guardians of the Galaxy was the most fun sci-fi since The Fifth Element. But it barely got a nod for ‘special effects.’

The categories are daft

I didn’t like The Lego Movie, but it deserves a Best Animation spot more than the How To Train Your Dragon sequel. That said, that Everything is Awesome song does not deserve a best song nomination. Yes, fun song – but so was Barbie Girl. The problem is that categories are set up so that everyone in the U.S. movie guilds can get an award for something. Now stuff just gets shoehorned into them. Why are animated films not competing for best films? Why is the entirety of the foreign market lumped into a single category? Where the hell is the ‘most awesome action sequence’ category?

Nobody really cares

The most buzz every Academy Awards season creates is who will host it and what stupid stuff they end up saying. There is some prediction of winners and such, but that’s generally the result of lazy film writers engaging in some wistful navel-gazing. The rest of the world does not give a sh**. Nobody tells their friends: “I don’t care what you get for my birthday, as long as it’s an Oscar-winning movie.”

legomovie

This Eric Idle skit says it all:

The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Critical Hit as an organisation.

Last Updated: January 16, 2015

9 Comments

  1. RinceThis

    January 16, 2015 at 13:40

    HAHA! Nice!

    Reply

    • Unavengedavo

      January 16, 2015 at 13:42

      I think he’s just sour because DiCaprio hasn’t won an Oscar yet O_o

      Reply

      • RinceThis

        January 16, 2015 at 13:45

        Nah, I’m with James on this whole Oscar thing. It’s all fucking rigged.

        Reply

        • Unavengedavo

          January 16, 2015 at 13:48

          Lol, yeah. But the ‘mericans like to show off O_o

          Reply

        • James Francis

          January 16, 2015 at 13:53

          “It’s not rigged. It’s politics” 🙂

          Reply

      • James Francis

        January 16, 2015 at 13:53

        Pft, he can get in line. Di Caprio has at least been nominated four times for best or supporting actor. Gary Oldman, Alan Rickman, Jim Carrey, Steve Buscemi and Donald Sutherland have never been nominated.

        Reply

  2. Blood Emperor Trevor

    January 16, 2015 at 14:11

    Hear hear. It’s a giant circle jerk.

    And I love the comparison between Everyone is Awesome and Barbie Girl 😀

    Reply

  3. Axon1988

    January 16, 2015 at 14:13

    GOTG was indeed a fun movie! So was the fifth element. I want more fun movies. You know what else I actually consider a fun movie? John Wick. Finally got to watch it last night. It’s indeed a superior action movie! And Keanu does his action well.

    Reply

    • RinceThis

      January 16, 2015 at 15:20

      Agreed on all fronts. Loved John Wick!

      Reply

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