Closing your mouth is touching your face with your own face.

PETA’s latest stunt is a walkthrough that can be safely tossed into the bin where it belongs. There’s nothing wrong with being vegan, but even the staunchest believer in a meat-free life would probably order a T-Bone steak before following these “tips”. According to PETA, pretty much every activity available in Animal Crossing: New Horizons is verboten.

If money, time and space were no option, which actor in their prime would you grab and shove a script into their hands for your epic life story?

All of these cancelled festivals messed up by not booking The Cure.

Gaston is the winner of the No Belle Prize.

Children and tattoos aren’t so different. They’re both easily removed with lasers.

Everything’s a stress ball if you’re strong enough.

Top tip: If you want guaranteed flowers on Valentine’s Day, all you have to do is die.