It must be terrible for giraffes when they need to vomit.

If a pregnant woman went to space, would she be a mothership?

Just remember, nobody owns an unused mirror.

Surgery: It’s what happens when your doctor stabs you to life.

Just remember, slaughter is technically 88.8% laughter.

Just remember, you can ruin the day of anyone by telling them that they blink weirdly.

The more I think about it, the more I realise that hot chilli peppers are like laxatives for your sinuses.

You might be shaking your fist right now, moaning that back in your day, there was no DLC. There were no season passes, games that needed hourly patches and services being delivered piecemeal to you on a weekly basis while you paid monthly for the privilege to play those games. No sir, you’d pop a cart into a machine, switch your console on, switch it off, take the cart back out, blow the dust off of it and then you’d play a game. Simple as that. No long-ass loading screens, just simple plug in and play gameplay. That’s how games of that age were the best. Bollocks.