STRETCH AMRSTRONG the movie has been cancelled, the world rejoices

1 min read

As far as toys go, Stretch Armstrong is to action figures what Eugene is to WWE gimmicks and Ewoks are to Star Wars: Beyond stupid. Somehow, some Hollywood executive who may have been hopped up on powdered intern thought there was some money to be made in the defunct toy property.

Fortunately, the Stretch Armstrong project just got led to the rear of the tinsel town shed where a shotgun blast was heard shortly afterwards.


Originally scheduled for an April 2014 release, Stretch Armstrong was such a bad idea for a movie, that even Taylor Lautner dropped out of it. Breck Eisner was hired to then help helm the film, and that’s all she wrote folks. Realising that they were dangerously close to pissing away more money than blue collar workers buying Lotto tickets on payday, film studio Relativity Media and toy franchise owner Hasbro have decided to pack up the corn syrup on this project:

Stretch Armstrong is an incredible character who will make an amazing movie, and we know that Hasbro has some new ideas they are looking at.  Relativity and Hasbro have a tremendous relationship, and we decided to focus on other projects.  We look forward to continuing to work together.

At this point, is there anyone who happens to find this news depressing, let alone worthwhile?


Last Updated: October 14, 2013

Darryn Bonthuys

Word-slinger at Critical Hit. Inventor of the macho Swiss gym chocolate known as Testoblerone. That's...that's about it really.

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