The BLOODSPORT remake will have nothing to do with Bloodsport or Van Damme

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Robert Mark Kamen is about to become the Internet whipping boy. And he totally deserves it, if you ask me.

I already wasn’t too (pun intended) taken with Kamen’s work on Liam Neeson’s most recent cinematic adventure, but now the writer has revealed that his screenplay for the proposed remake of Bloodsport – one of Jean Claude Van Damme’s greatest films and the origin of every guy who ever tried to pop his pecs ever – is a remake in name only.

You’re testing me, Kamen. You’re testing me.

The original 1988 martial arts flick turned Van Damme into a household name (and inspired a generation’s worth of groin injuries as little boys tried to emulate his infamous split kick) as it told the partially true story of Canadian Frank Dux, who infiltrates a secret and deadly underground martial arts tournament known as the Kumite and eventually becomes champion.

Well, you can forget seeing any of that for the remake (which will be directed by Salt‘s Phillip Noyce), as Kamen explained to Crave Online:

“This film resembles the original in title only. It has nothing to do with any Kumite contest. It has nothing to do with Frank Dux. If the title was not the same, you would not associate the two films. To use JCVD would make no sense because the association would be lost as the story has nothing to do with the first one. If anything it would be a distraction.

No splits [in the Bloodsport remake]. This is a character driven, politically motivated film. It has nothing to do with splits or muscles or grudge matches and as I said, if the title were not attached to the rights, you would not associate one film with the other.”

I’ll just let this animated gif of Mr Jean Claude Van Damme himself express my reaction to that tidbit of news.

A “character driven, politically motivated film”? What the whatting what?!

If you can blatantly admit that the film has nothing but the title in common with the original, then essentially you’re saying that you’re hoping to trick potential fans of the original into watching your unrelated production through the the use of a recognized brand name.

And if you’re willing to stoop that low, then surely you’d have no problem with letting the Muscles from Brussels show up for a cameo, right?  Especially considering that Van Damme recently regained quite a bit of his old popularity again with his charismatic turn in The Expendables 2. 

Van Damme voiced his dissatisfaction with the project a short while ago to NextMovie:

“I want to be in the film as a trainer and I don’t think the writer wants [me] to… he knows that ‘Bloodsport’ is a big film so he wants to get credit with all of that — you know what I’m saying?”

Having remakes be nothing but brand name cash-ins is certainly not a new thing, but I can only think that having it so blatantly flaunted like this could only result in a very vehement public backlash. Right in their genitals.

Last Updated: October 9, 2012

Kervyn Cloete

A man of many passions - but very little sleep - I've been geeking out over movies, video games, comics, books, anime, TV series and lemon meringues as far back as I can remember. So show up for the geeky insight, stay for the delicious pastries.

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