The first gameplay trailer for WWE 2K17 wants to know who’s next

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Brock_Seth

Ladies and gentlemen, Bad News Bonthuys is dead. Killed in a freak accident involving the hand that the Fabulous Moolah gave birth to that one time, Goldust’s addiction to Twitter and the leftover props from the Punjabi Prison match that were used at 2007’s No Mercy pay per view, Bad News Bonthuys is completely and utterly bereft of life.

But in his place, a new gigantic midget shall arise. An almost-man of cunning who has mastered the art of running away: The Revengeancer. Revenge may be a dish best served cold, but revengeance comes with a complimentary side of thin chips and zero garnish. Room temperature brouhahas that’ll leave the face of the WWE changed forever! The Revengeancer! WHO’S NEXT?

And then Brock Lesnar suplexed the Revengeancer so hard that he was erased from existence itself. Well alright then. Here’s the latest trailer for WWE 2K17, which shows off a tour of Suplex City and more:

Looking good! If there’s one thing that you can count on with WWE 2K17, it’s that these games know how to sell themselves. Although that’s not exactly difficult when your product happens to feature Suicide-Dive happy lunatics and undead morticians settling differences between each other with piledrivers and super-slams off the top rope.

Man, imagine if every problem in life could be put to rest with an RKO outta nowhere. Anyway, WWE 2K17 is out soon on ye olde PS4 and Xbox One. Just in time for anyone who wants to see Brock Lesnar and Bill Goldberg have a rematch that won’t double as an easy way to beat insomnia. Have no idea what I’m talking about?

I’m referencing that infamous Wrestlemania XX match, which saw the two biggest in-ring performers of the time meet for the first time…and resulted in the audience wishing that they’d worn their PJs to the bout. Even with Stone Cold Steve Austin as the guest referee, it was nearly 14 minutes of misery, lazy wrestling that benefitted neither man and left fans fuming.

Which is why it’s time for a rematch. Only this time, the fans get to set the rules. And I’ll watch, dressed in sparkly clothing and tassles, snappin’ into a Slim Jim. OH YEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAH.

Last Updated: September 8, 2016

Darryn Bonthuys

Something wrong gentlemen? You come here prepared to read the words of a madman, and instead found a lunatic obsessed with comics, Batman and Raul Julia's M Bison performance in the 1994 Street Fighter movie? Fine! Keep your bio! In fact, now might be a good time to pray to it!

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