The saga of Lance Armstrong, soon to be a JJ Abrams movie

2 min read

Well it was bound to happen. The public loves a hero, but it loves to see a hero tumble even more. And when it comes to tumbles, Lance Armstrong is falling so hard right now, it’s only a matter of time until he gets tested for public image buggering enhancement drugs.

It’s the perfect story as well, of a man who overcame injury, a near-fatal disease and rose to the top of his sports world, only to see it all taken away from him after having a touch too much HGH in his system. And lens-flare grand wizard JJ Abrams wants to handle the film based on the disgraced rider.

JJ Abrams is looking to partner up for the film with Paramount, as recent events surrounding the cyclist and his doping charges have made them eager to get it on the big screen. Paramount has snatched up the rights to the book Cycle of lies: The fall of Lance Armstrong by Juliet Marcur, who wrote about Armstrong for several years as a New York Times sports reporter.

Marcus was there to cover his recovery from cancer which led to Armstrong picking up seven Tour De France titles before he was stripped of them, as well as his constant denials about being doped up on various pedal enhancers. All this, and the book will only be hitting shelves in June this year. How’s that for striking while the iron is hot?

While the Abrams/ Paramount effort will concentrate on that fall from grace, it’s not the first time that the cyclist has almost been on the silver screen. A couple of years ago, Frank Marshall and Gary Ross wanted to make a more inspirational flick starring Jake Gyllenhall as the recovering cyclist, but the doping allegations eventually scuttled that project.

And while we’re on the subject, I too may have taken some performance enhancers. Except my bloody dealer sold me horse tranquilizers instead of HGH. Which would also explain why I’m seeing unicorns riding velociraptors from hell right now.

What do you think though? Too soon, or does the world need such a film exposing these practices in sports? I know that I could certainly do with a good laugh, but hey, I can’t find that Hansie Cronje movie DVD anywhere right now.

Last Updated: January 22, 2013

Darryn Bonthuys

Something wrong gentlemen? You come here prepared to read the words of a madman, and instead found a lunatic obsessed with comics, Batman and Raul Julia's M Bison performance in the 1994 Street Fighter movie? Fine! Keep your bio! In fact, now might be a good time to pray to it!

  • Melasco

    “Lance” is almost the only thing I heard on radio last week…. What a waste of time that could be used for music. No really, enough is enough. It’s a shame people that do good don’t get this kind of attention…

  • They have to call LIE STRONG! (With the “v” crossed out)

  • “Public image buggering enhancement drugs” – it’s phrases like that that make this site worth reading.

  • I think it should be called “Tour de Farce”. Trademark pending.

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