Top List Thursdays – Top seven weirdest pieces of movie merchandising

MOICHENDISN’! Mel Brooks said it best way back in Space Balls, as he cracked the true secret to making a movie profitable. Cereal! Action figures! Keeping Gary Busey company for a night! There’s pretty much nothing that a movie studio won’t task a small Asian company to produce for their flick. And then you get the ten following examples of insanity run amok.

• Rocky – The meat action figure

Ivan Drago? Clubber Lang? Cousin Paulie? Please, your shelf ain’t got space for those bums! You want a real piece of history that’s mint on card to have a place of honour amongst your figures! And what could be better, dan de meat yo? If you look carefully, you can even see Rocky’s knuckle prints, firmly embedded in that delicious side of beef.

• 300 – The leather thong

The funny thing here. is that something as simple as a leather man-thong now looks like a cruel Greek chastity belt for dudes that’s trying to smuggle out some walnuts. No wonder Leonidas was always so angry…or aroused.

• Star Wars – Jar Jar Binks tongue candy

You ever remember that scene from the first Nightmare on Elm Street film, where Nancy almost locks tongues with Freddy through the telephone receiver? The Jar jar candy tongue is reminiscent of that, except it’s a thousand times worse and then some.

• Ghostbusters – Ectoplasm soft drink

Look, when creepy stuff goes down, who ya gonna call? When there’s something unexplained in your neighborhood, the best thing you can do is drink the supernatural extra-dimensional remains of a deceased loved one and call in some professionals.

• Alien – Facehugger chopsticks

I’m not a big fan of sushi to be honest. I think it’s overrated Japanese food that should be cooked properly instead of being eaten raw, because that’s how the civilised world works. But at least when you eat with a vaginal facehugger pair of chopsticks, you’ll know exactly why your stomach is filling off a bit later.

• The Godfather – Horse head pillow

Well at least it looks genuinely comfy. And delicious.

• The Dark Knight – Joker dog costume

Because nothing is better than coming home from work and being greeted by a pooch who wants to put a smile on your face. Even if said mutt is considering causing anarchy and chaos by peeing on the carpet.

Last Updated: May 7, 2015