Here at Lazygamer, we know that we’re terrible journalists. Or writers. Or blobbers. Or whatever it is that you call a bunch of sub-humanoid who are paid in cardboard boxes in order to cover the news. We’ve been following GamerGate closely ever since the axe was ground into a fine dust against the likes of those damned SJWs. We’re as bored as you are with the whole brouhaha. So here are ten debates, which are way more important.
AMD vs Nvidia
When it comes to graphical cards and pretty pictures on your PC, there is no middle ground. You’re either AMD or Nvidia. So who’s it going to be? Better red than dead? Or is it cooler to be green? Put your Voodoo 3000 graphics accelerator away son, because the grown-ups are talking! Now choose your graphics card and head into the Thunderdome! May the best terrafloppy thingamajig, win!
Winner: Intel for running well with both hardware labels.
Battlefield vs Call Of Duty
Every year, we get subjected to perhaps too much pew pew violence. Which is all fine and dandy, because it’s easy to avoid watching any of the FOX news coverage of the Iraq War Part 2: The Stuff-uppening. Instead, it’s better to be distracted by some video games. Like Battlefield. Or Call of Duty. But which one? One of them is barely an iterative upgrade in name and number, while the other is…uh. Well, crap. This debate could take a while longer to properly flesh out. Read the other entries while I figure this one out.
Winner: Whoever gets copyright cash every time we use the words “pew pew” in a sentence.
PlayStation 4 controller vs Xbox One controller
The PS4 controller is a hell of a lot better than the usual DUal Shock 3 hardware that accompanied the PlayStation 2 and 3. But it could be better. The Xbox One controller though, feels better, has a nice heft to it and looks stylish. But the PS4 controller has a cool touchpad. But the Xbox One controller has analogue sticks that feel like they can survive being gently pushed, unlike the PS4 sticks. But the PS4 controller has a kickass speaker. But no one uses it. But the PS4 controller also easy share functions. But the Xbox One controller has vibrating triggers that jiggle in sync with your nipples…
Winner: The makers of rubber tips for those PS4 controllers.
Doritos vs Pringles
We all know that a healthy diet is essential these days. We all know that no one has the time, money or Oprah influence to eat a dozen tiny organic meals every day, so it’s easier to stuff your face with crisps instead. So which is the best? Doritos have the power of Halo and Call Of Duty attached to them. But Pringles don’t leave your fingers covered in a fine cheesy dust. Then you have quantity vs quality, because a bag of Doritos can last you an entire week, while a tube of Pringles is easily consumed within the first ten seconds of being opened. One is cheaper, the other is expensive enough these days to require a bank loan in order to purchase. So what are you stuffing into your face lately?
Winner: Not your waistline.
Boxers vs commando gaming
I’m just sitting here, dangling, free as a bird as I play some Forza Horizon 2. Which may not have been a great idea in hindsight, as my in-laws are visiting right now.
Winner: The neighbour who is secretly filming this and selling it as fetish porn to the Germans.
Power Rangers vs VR Troopers
GO GO POWER RANGERS! WE ARE VR! In the 1990s, you were either a fan of the VR Troopers or the mighty morphin’ Power Rangers. Kids who enjoyed Beetleborgs on the other hand, could get stuffed. Right now, I’m waiting for a resurgence in VR Troopers thanks to all this VR kits on the market. Because Geoff and I do not want to go back to earning our pay by being stunt doubles for Bulk and Skull on Power Ranger episodes.
Winner: Saban Entertainment
Port Elizabeth vs East London
East London thinks it’s so great. Just because they believe in marrying out of their bloodline. Well I tell you, I won’t stand to live in a town that deprives a man of the chance to marry his cousin! Because she’s so pretty! I’m off to PE!
Winner: That priest who doesn’t ask too many questions.
Bovril vs Marmite
There is no topic more divisive in the Lazygamer office, than Bovril vs Marmite. Personally, I think that Bovril does what Marmite do if it had a pair of balls. Accordng to the others, Marmite is yeast as good today as it was fifty years ago. This is a debate, that will never ever be settled I think.
Winner: Anyone but that motherf***ing Oxo brand.
Manchester United vs Liverpool
I’d write up a paragraph detailing the key pros and cons between both teams, but the contract that Gavin made me sign when I started working for him clearly states that I’m legally obligated to back Liverpool whenever I mention them. Go that team then, I guess.
Winner: Liverpool, unless you were watching TV last night.
Spider-Man vs J Jonah Jameson
PARKER! Look at these photos you took of that miscreant Spider-man as he stopped some muggers in a seedy alley! These clearly prove that Spider-Man was behind the recent ISIS bombings!
Winner: The Daily Bugle’s sales
Last Updated: October 23, 2014
Sir Rants A Lot Llew
October 23, 2014 at 15:34
nVidia, Pringles, Bovril, Parker and NO SOCCER
Alien Emperor Trevor
October 23, 2014 at 15:37
2/5 not bad ;P
Admiral Chief 0
October 23, 2014 at 15:42
LOL, you said it
HvR
October 23, 2014 at 16:41
Pringles are Simba chips that had been chewed up by old teeth-less grandmas
RinceThis
October 23, 2014 at 15:36
THIS IS DA BEST THING EYE’VE WED ALL DAYZ!
Sir Rants A Lot Llew
October 23, 2014 at 15:37
That comment made my eyes bleed 🙁
RinceThis
October 23, 2014 at 15:37
My work is done.
Hammersteyn
October 23, 2014 at 15:38
BESTESTEST EVA!
RinceThis
October 24, 2014 at 07:38
careful, the GG crew may find you and attack you with their righteous anger!
HvR
October 23, 2014 at 16:39
TOTALLY TRIPPENDICULAR!!!!!
Alien Emperor Trevor
October 23, 2014 at 15:36
That implies gamergate was a debate to begin with.
Hammersteyn
October 23, 2014 at 15:37
Yeah let’s rather discuss which controller is better, Everyone knows which console is winning at the moment.
Sir Rants A Lot Llew
October 23, 2014 at 15:37
I prefer my own controller *waggles eyebrows*
Alien Emperor Trevor
October 23, 2014 at 15:55
That’s what she said 🙁
Skoobaz
October 23, 2014 at 16:42
Ouch
Sageville
October 23, 2014 at 15:54
My Frankentroller wins all
Rags
October 23, 2014 at 17:08
Mouse and Keyboard.
Hammersteyn
October 24, 2014 at 07:41
gg
Viking Of Divinity
October 23, 2014 at 15:37
Holy Shit, I had totally forgotten about VR Troopers.
Also, Darryn, Sorry to break it to you but: Cape Town > (Port Elizabeth*East London.) That’s just science.
Sir Rants A Lot Llew
October 23, 2014 at 15:38
and Gauteng beats all of em
Admiral Chief 0
October 23, 2014 at 15:41
LIES
SnorCity beats all x10!!!!
The D
October 23, 2014 at 15:44
You guys think you’re so great because your bloody mountain is flat. You’ll see. One day you’ll all see who has the best city.
Admiral Chief 0
October 23, 2014 at 15:45
SNOR CITY
Cadis Etrama Di Umar
October 23, 2014 at 15:46
Ice City? 😛
Admiral Chief 0
October 23, 2014 at 15:48
We build Ice City, we built Ice City on solid water!
Alien Emperor Trevor
October 23, 2014 at 15:52
lol. replace solid water with h2o – would work better 😉
Admiral Chief 0
October 23, 2014 at 16:06
Aye, indeed!
WE BUILT ICE CITY ON SOLID H2O
Alien Emperor Trevor
October 23, 2014 at 15:48
Don’t need to see your city to know mine’s better. That’s just silly.
Viking Of Divinity
October 23, 2014 at 16:12
It’s not just the flat mountain, boet. It’s places like this dive bar on Harrington st. It’s got Freakin. Chicken ‘n Waffles on the menu.
Cadis Etrama Di Umar
October 23, 2014 at 15:37
We all know who’s king of the Doritos debate…
http://static.giantbomb.com/uploads/original/18/187968/2485052-7827482327-24801.png
Hammersteyn
October 23, 2014 at 15:38
lol
Hammersteyn
October 23, 2014 at 15:38
Left versus right hand masturbation.
Alien Emperor Trevor
October 23, 2014 at 15:38
Perfect time for your both gif?
Hammersteyn
October 23, 2014 at 15:38
XD
Sageville
October 23, 2014 at 15:55
^THIS^
Cadis Etrama Di Umar
October 23, 2014 at 15:40
I prefer left as opposed to the popular right hand technique. I find that left hand gives better speed whereas the right gives better grip
Admiral Chief 0
October 23, 2014 at 15:41
O_O
RinceThis
October 23, 2014 at 15:41
0_O
Alien Emperor Trevor
October 23, 2014 at 15:42
Are you left or right handed though?
Cadis Etrama Di Umar
October 23, 2014 at 15:44
Right, so just swap my comment around if you’re left handed and you wana try it out. Left gives more pumps per minute…….Okay I’ll stop now
Alien Emperor Trevor
October 23, 2014 at 15:46
I am, that’s why I was checking. Don’t want to get in a whole long debate about it when it’s just different handedness.
Admiral Chief 0
October 23, 2014 at 15:49
So you guys are going into a mass debate about the masturbate?
*RUNS AWAY, FAR FAR AWAY
Alien Emperor Trevor
October 23, 2014 at 15:54
It’s a serious men health and rights issue. Stop oppressing us.
Mossel
October 23, 2014 at 16:05
I’ve heard that it also frees up your right hand for browsing.
Admiral Chief 0
October 23, 2014 at 15:41
O_O I don’t even….O_O
Hammersteyn
October 23, 2014 at 16:02
It’s a valid argument, one that has been ongoing since biblical times.
Gavin Mannion
October 23, 2014 at 15:42
why not both?
http://hugelolcdn.com/i700/129470.jpg
Admiral Chief 0
October 23, 2014 at 15:43
You should have put in the BOTH gif from El Dorado!
Gavin Mannion
October 23, 2014 at 15:48
was going to.. then realised it was a little girl.. used intelligence, was very successful 🙂
Admiral Chief 0
October 23, 2014 at 15:49
Hah
Hammersteyn
October 23, 2014 at 15:57
LOL!
Hammersteyn
October 23, 2014 at 15:39
Football vs. rugby
http://img-9gag-lol.9cache.com/photo/a5N1nMV_460sa_v1.gif
RinceThis
October 23, 2014 at 15:40
winna!
Sageville
October 23, 2014 at 16:41
Suddenwee my boo-boo is gone!
Cadis Etrama Di Umar
October 23, 2014 at 15:39
Honestly…Commando gaming rules all. Unless you’re playing Alien/P.T…
Admiral Chief 0
October 23, 2014 at 15:40
RED TEAM
Nahuel Graziani
October 23, 2014 at 15:42
You see, this is what you get for not playing Shadow of Mordor – a factually incorrect article, D.
Shadow of Mordor uses the PS4 controller’s speaker damn well. Was pleasantly surprised.
Exalted Overlord Geoffrey Tim
October 23, 2014 at 15:43
Yes, yes it does.
Cadis Etrama Di Umar
October 23, 2014 at 15:43
GERMER GERNALIZ ETHICS! D IS LACKING ETHICS!
The D
October 23, 2014 at 15:44
Damn, you’re right. I’m handing in my badge, gun and sack of large cash that has a dollar symbol emblazoned on the side.
Admiral Chief 0
October 23, 2014 at 15:51
TO THE CORNER!
Nahuel Graziani
October 23, 2014 at 16:25
You hear that, guys? Large sack of cash.
#LazyGate confirmed.
Sageville
October 23, 2014 at 15:49
Cake vs Pie should be at the top.
UltimateNinjaPandaDudeGuy
October 23, 2014 at 16:01
http://i.imgur.com/c7NJRa2.gif
UltimateNinjaPandaDudeGuy
October 23, 2014 at 15:50
WTF! Oxo > Bovril or Marmite
Admiral Chief 0
October 23, 2014 at 15:51
SURELY YOU JEST?
UltimateNinjaPandaDudeGuy
October 23, 2014 at 15:51
OXO IS KING! o/
Sageville
October 23, 2014 at 15:53
All are equally horrible!
Hammersteyn
October 23, 2014 at 15:57
Agreed! Then Bovril, then maybe Marmite.
UltimateNinjaPandaDudeGuy
October 23, 2014 at 16:00
PREACH!
I actually only eat Oxo… never liked the other ones. Bleh 😛
Hammersteyn
October 23, 2014 at 16:01
I was in a hostel. Eat or starve
UltimateNinjaPandaDudeGuy
October 23, 2014 at 16:03
Yup… 5 years hostel… I can pretty much eat anything if I need to, but not being trapped there anymore I only eat what I like!
Worst meal ever in hostel? GO!
Mine was boerewors soup. They made soup from the left over boerewors from dinner the previous evening. Top that!
Hammersteyn
October 23, 2014 at 16:08
Worst I can recall is fried eggs, they toss it in the deep fryer for two seconds and scoop it out. Slimy yet satisfying.
UltimateNinjaPandaDudeGuy
October 23, 2014 at 16:14
Oh yeah that was just the norm! lol! Ah loved me some fried hostel eggs… Good time!
Hammersteyn
October 24, 2014 at 07:42
It’s amazing how the tomato sauce(which they cut with vinegar) just runs of it.
UltimateNinjaPandaDudeGuy
October 24, 2014 at 08:46
Petition: Get “Like water of a ducks back.” changed to “Like tomato sauce of a hostel egg.”
z1n
October 24, 2014 at 11:04
kudos for Lion King reference.
Hammersteyn
October 24, 2014 at 11:12
XD
Weanerdog
October 24, 2014 at 09:07
In varsity res one night, we got some grey substance that was the consistency of runny porridge and smelt like a dead hookers vagina. I don’t think anyone even tasted it.
UltimateNinjaPandaDudeGuy
October 24, 2014 at 09:10
All that said hostel was pretty damn memorable. Definitely glad my parents decided to send me there.
I might even send my kids to a hostel one day or at least keep it open as an option.
Cadis Etrama Di Umar
October 23, 2014 at 15:57
What are these things though? Never had any
ReaperOfSquirrels
October 23, 2014 at 16:07
I say none of the freaking above… god awful stuff.
HvR
October 23, 2014 at 17:10
Just threw up a little in my mouth …….. o yes that is what OXO tastes like.
UltimateNinjaPandaDudeGuy
October 23, 2014 at 15:51
Also I still think this GamerGate thing is about equality in gaming? I have actually googled it and just forgot what it was about again.
Exalted Overlord Geoffrey Tim
October 23, 2014 at 15:54
It’s a bullshit, loose, headless movement that purports to be about rooting out corruption and upholding ethics in game journalism. It is, unfortunately, one with a rotten core, fuelled by hate and misogyny. Adherents will claim that the people bullying others online are not TRUE gamergaters, but that’s the sort of villainy they’ll be mixed up with no matter their personal stances.
Alien Emperor Trevor
October 23, 2014 at 15:59
They’re loose? SLUTS.
Mark Treloar
October 23, 2014 at 15:56
What about Marvel vs DC?
Jedi Consular Kromas
October 23, 2014 at 16:02
ATI,BF,Niether,Pringles,Boxers,Power Rangers,Niether,Niether,Niether,JJ.
That was easy.
And to all those who disagree. I am a gamer so you are obviously wrong!
😛
Alien Emperor Trevor
October 23, 2014 at 16:04
FAKE GAMER!
Jedi Consular Kromas
October 23, 2014 at 16:08
How so?
A real gamer would not watch sports so the soccer one is a trap. As well as the location one cause it should have been Azeroth or Kalimdur. Also I personally dislike both bovril and marmite cause of childhood trauma (lunch … every … damn … day …)
Alien Emperor Trevor
October 23, 2014 at 19:34
Because you got one wrong – no pants FTW!
Jedi Consular Kromas
October 23, 2014 at 23:55
Yeah I can tell you now. You will have to replace the chair you sat on in the summer. 😛
Ryanza
October 23, 2014 at 16:10
AMD vs Nvidia. AMD.
Battlefield vs Call of Duty. Counter Strike.
PS4 controller vs Xbox One controller. Xbox One controller but PS4 controller looks cooler.
Doritos vs Pringles. both are bad. try eating fruit.
Boxers vs commando in gaming. GTA 4 penis scene.
Power Rangers vs VR Troopers. Both intros puts me to sleep.
Port Elizabeth vs East London. Cape town.
Bovril vs Marmite. eww.
Manchester United vs Liverpool. Alex Ferguson.
Spiderman vs J Jonah Jameson. Venom.
Corrie
October 23, 2014 at 16:12
1.Nvidia
2.Battlefield
3.Keyboard and Mouse
4.Pringle’s
5.Boxers
6.Powaah Rangers
7.Haven’t been to either
8.Both
9.Chelsea
10.Batman
I just solved world peace, now where’s my cookie?
konfab aka derp
October 23, 2014 at 16:14
That PE vs East London Picture XD
Viking Of Divinity
October 23, 2014 at 16:14
11. The Witcher vs. Dragon Age
The Witcher is a deep and thoughtful RPG series that gets better with each sequel, And Standfs as a bastion of Modern RPGs, Dragon Age started out well, but went full retard with its first sequel. also, Published by EA.
Winner: Ryanza’s anti-DRM Schtick.
Ryanza
October 23, 2014 at 16:17
My stamp of approval.
http://www.gamesthirst.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/No-DRM_-witcher.jpg
Exalted Overlord Geoffrey Tim
October 23, 2014 at 16:19
This is something i posted way back when we still had a .co.za domain.
http://images.lazygamer.co.za/2010/03/DRM.jpg
Alien Emperor Trevor
October 23, 2014 at 19:36
pahpah pah pah pah I’m lovin’ it.
Doug
October 23, 2014 at 16:56
Guess that’s no more Lazy Gamer reading from me. Bye
Gavin Mannion
October 24, 2014 at 06:57
*Lazygamer
Really this article comes as a surprise to you?
Ekkachai
October 23, 2014 at 17:01
Yes
ThisIsBullShlt
October 23, 2014 at 18:36
“Everyone is bored of GG”
That’s the rhetoric you’re pushing. Funny considering this https://archive.today/mlPNl.
LazyGamer has just disgusted me in a way I never thought possible and although I can’t speak for all South African gamers I can tell you I will never come here again. Sorry Manning, you’re sleeping with the wolves.
But thank you for letting me know where you all stand.
Kensei Seraph - Staff
October 23, 2014 at 23:43
Nicely done.
You perfectly proved Darryn’s point.
RinceThis
October 24, 2014 at 07:40
Absolutely. That’s the hysterical thing, they CANNOT see it! hahahah
Gavin Mannion
October 24, 2014 at 06:57
*Lazygamer
Who’s manning?
And I think we’ve been quite clear where we stand for years. We stand for all inclusive gaming and don’t take kindly to harrassment of anyone.
It’s the last word that counts here
Neji
October 24, 2014 at 07:07
How do you spot SJWs? Don’t worry, they’ll remind you of your “privilege”.
Cadis Etrama Di Umar
October 24, 2014 at 07:15
“LazyGamer has just disgusted me in a way I never thought possible”
Clearly you’ve never seen 2 girls 1 cup.
RinceThis
October 24, 2014 at 07:41
Watches it for breakfast, hence the desensitization.
RinceThis
October 24, 2014 at 07:39
Don’t let that righteous door hit you on the way out.
BacchusZA
October 24, 2014 at 07:46
1. Not fussed, though do lean towards the green (heh).
2. I prefered.Mass Effect 3 MP to either. Because motherfucking biotoc Krogans!
3. XBox One.
4. Neither. Gimme Lays rather.
5. COMMANDO ALL THE WAAAAY!
6. Neither. Pinky & the Brain are where it’s at.
7. Why would I bother with either when there’s a perfectly awesome Durban there to enjoy?
8. Bovril is ok I guess, but Marmite is BAWS.
9. Who? What? Eh? I am not understanding what this one is about?
10. Spiderman is a total wuss, but ok, whatever, I’ll pick him over the jaggoff editer I suppose.
eXpZA
October 24, 2014 at 10:58
ATI – better value for money
Battlefield – more innovation (yet this is slowing)
Xbox One Controller (but the DS4 is a massive improvement over DS3)
Doritos Err’day
Boxers. Dat Kinect might suddenly come on.
Who the hell are the VR Troopers
Both towns are shit
Both Spreads are Shit
Both teams are shit (but LFC are less shit)
Comics are for nerds!
SecretX
October 28, 2014 at 23:26
written by a journalist of course this guy doesn’t care.
Sam XXX
November 1, 2014 at 00:15
Is this suppose to be funny?
You should stick with GG.