You damn well better believe that when it comes to news, there’s no barrel bottom that we won’t scrape in order to hit our article quota for the day! And that’s a Lazygamer promise! The next big game of 2015 is easily The Witcher 3: The Wild Hunt, which is finally, finally releasing in May. Which happens to be next month. Get hyped yo!
So here’s a quartet of new screenshots of the game, with extra-value insight added to each one as I decipher the clues hidden within each one. Remember, click to embiggen:
It may have looked like a sad and lonely penis standing at half-mast beneath a chubby belly of hills, but Geralt was determined to climb the tower which was not bathed in light and fight the Stephen King lawsuit that awaited him at the top.
A cabin in the woods. Geralt had a strange and uneasy feeling about this new locale, and he immediately checked his script to see if Drew Goddard or Joss Whedon had had a hand in producing his latest game. That, and Geralt was going to die like some weak-ass promiscuous high-school girl in his own game.
After having several comas pile-driven into his skull at Wrestlemania 32, Sting went completely off the rails. Challenging fictional characters, the placebos that his doctor had prescribed him had worked so well thanks to the power of suggestion and mind over matter, that he was finally able to cross the barrier between the real and fictional worlds. So what’cha gonna do, when Witchermania runs wild all over you?
Geralt had faced horrors that would have broken any ordinary man or warrior. But dog-training classes for his pack of unruly mutts may have been his greatest challenge to date as his pooches failed to acknowledge his position as the alpha-male of the pack.
The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt will be out on PlayStation 4, Xbox One and PC soon enough. Prepare your tickets for the hype train.
Last Updated: April 14, 2015
Mossel
April 14, 2015 at 08:03
Tickets bought! All aboard!!
RinceThis
April 14, 2015 at 08:04
Sting finally crossed the fictional barrier? Yeah, cus wrestling is REAL DAMMIT MERICA! http://i.imgur.com/Wp3Bhhj.gif
Mossel
April 14, 2015 at 08:04
This isn’t Wrasslin’!!
RinceThis
April 14, 2015 at 08:05
I am talking about Sting dammit! Darryn said he crossed into a fictional world to challenge Geralt!
Mossel
April 14, 2015 at 08:09
xD got that! Still isn’t wrasslin though!
Darren Peach
April 14, 2015 at 08:21
These Wrestlers like to beat the monkey…..
Blood Emperor Trevor
April 14, 2015 at 08:24
OMG KING! SOMEONE CALL JANE GOODALL! CALL PETA! IT’S ANIMAL ABUSE! HE DONE BROKE THAT MONKEY IN HALF!
Darren Peach
April 14, 2015 at 08:29
It also looks like the creatures from Return of the Jedi._____Dang it. Ewoks, Almost forgot what they were called.
Darren Peach
April 14, 2015 at 08:29
It also looks like the creatures from Return of the Jedi._____Dang it. Ewoks, Almost forgot what they were called.
Blood Emperor Trevor
April 14, 2015 at 08:31
Damn Ewoks. Even as a kid I couldn’t stand those silly things.
Darren Peach
April 14, 2015 at 08:35
Yet it was suprisingly upsetting to see them get killed by those walkers.
Blood Emperor Trevor
April 14, 2015 at 08:31
Damn Ewoks. Even as a kid I couldn’t stand those silly things.
Ryanza
April 14, 2015 at 08:13
A legend, Geralt of Rivia. The one they call, The White Wolf. Oh shit, look, a white wolf is attacking The White Wolf.
Don’t Support DRM. The White Wolf is coming.
Blood Emperor Trevor
April 14, 2015 at 08:14
I bought my ticket a long time ago & have been camping out at the station waiting for the train.
Rock789
April 14, 2015 at 08:18
Tickets bought and paid for, in blood, and I’m now patiently waiting at the station for the boarding announcement… Entertaining myself by speaking to people in my Joker voice… The fear in their eyes is intoxicating! o_O
Blood Emperor Trevor
April 14, 2015 at 08:22
If that woman’s reaction at the shopping centre in Claremont was anything to go by, you don’t even need to speak. *run*
Darren Peach
April 14, 2015 at 08:18
Wooo. Hairy Wolves.
Darren Peach
April 14, 2015 at 08:20
The one at the back looks like a sheep. If you look away and look for a split second, You see a Yeti.
Mark Treloar
April 14, 2015 at 08:23
3 more painted freaks and we have a KISS tribute band.
Admiral Chief asked for this
April 14, 2015 at 08:42
They were made for loving you
Ryanza
April 14, 2015 at 08:26
PS4 theme
http://www.gamepur.com/files/images/2015/the-witcher-3-ps4-theme.jpeg
Darren Peach
April 14, 2015 at 08:27
I am one Boss away from finishing Bloodborne ! Maybe I can finally kill it in time for this…….
Hammersteyn
April 14, 2015 at 08:35
Darryns so cheap, he buys Steam sale games on lay-buy
Ryanza
April 14, 2015 at 11:23
Witcher 3 achievements are out but I’m not going to look at them.