Breaking News: Giant Xbox One terrorizes Canada

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Xbox One, waiting to be fed more noobs

In news that should make you very frightened or question my sources, it appears that Canada is under attack by a gigantic Xbox One, or standard size unit. More on this potential horror, after the break.

According to eyewitness reports that I just imagined, the Xbox One has consumed 720 people so far and is looking to cap that kill total off at 1080.

In an effort to downplay fears, Vancouver residents via the Verge say that the homicidal home console is currently motionless, and will awaken once enough achievements are unlocked.

At a length of 40 feet, and with a waistline of half that girth, the Xbox One is one of the biggest consoles, dwarfed only by the Magnavox Odyssey which terrorised North American homes in 1974.

I for one welcome our new console overlord, and will happily snitch the hell out of any and all possible rebels in an effort to save my own skin.

Last Updated: October 31, 2013

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Darryn Bonthuys

Something wrong gentlemen? You come here prepared to read the words of a madman, and instead found a lunatic obsessed with comics, Batman and Raul Julia's M Bison performance in the 1994 Street Fighter movie? Fine! Keep your bio! In fact, now might be a good time to pray to it!

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