Home Gaming Breaking News: Giant Xbox One terrorizes Canada

Breaking News: Giant Xbox One terrorizes Canada

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Xbox One, waiting to be fed more noobs

In news that should make you very frightened or question my sources, it appears that Canada is under attack by a gigantic Xbox One, or standard size unit. More on this potential horror, after the break.

According to eyewitness reports that I just imagined, the Xbox One has consumed 720 people so far and is looking to cap that kill total off at 1080.

In an effort to downplay fears, Vancouver residents via the Verge say that the homicidal home console is currently motionless, and will awaken once enough achievements are unlocked.

At a length of 40 feet, and with a waistline of half that girth, the Xbox One is one of the biggest consoles, dwarfed only by the Magnavox Odyssey which terrorised North American homes in 1974.

I for one welcome our new console overlord, and will happily snitch the hell out of any and all possible rebels in an effort to save my own skin.

Last Updated: October 31, 2013

37 Comments

  1. Nice. I see they even included the beige powerbrick in the background. Pity someone spray painted on it.

    Reply

    • Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)

      October 31, 2013 at 15:20

      HAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHHAHHAHAAHHAHAHA that building looks like a XBONE POWERBRICK!!!!

      Reply

    • Weanerdog

      October 31, 2013 at 15:27

      Canadian graffiti

      Reply

      • Captain GUZ

        October 31, 2013 at 16:03

        seem to have forgotten the ‘eh at the end

        Reply

        • Eric

          October 31, 2013 at 16:11

          Or it should say “I’m sorry”

          Reply

    • DrKiller

      November 1, 2013 at 11:08

      FAKE! The normal power brick is bigger than that πŸ™‚

      Reply

  2. Pieter Kruger

    October 31, 2013 at 15:13

    If enough players commit their gamertags, the giant Xbone will open up and release Yoshi’s balls back to him!

    Reply

  3. Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)

    October 31, 2013 at 15:20

    The irony is.. the real xbone720 iIS MASSIVE! You can kill a man with it! It’s like a 80s VCR!

    Reply

    • Pieter Kruger

      October 31, 2013 at 15:21

      You can also kill a man with the PS4, maybe even faster……out of boredom!!!

      Reply

    • Spathi

      October 31, 2013 at 15:22

      Yeah, apparently the scale for the model is 3:1

      Reply

      • Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)

        October 31, 2013 at 15:38

        Listen to Spathi kids.. Don’t put your Xbone720s on a shelf or on a wooden table. The table will not survive. It’s MASSIVE!!!

        Reply

  4. Sir Rants-a-Lot Llew

    October 31, 2013 at 15:29

    for shame! It’s like quadrupple parked!

    Reply

    • Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)

      October 31, 2013 at 15:50

      Clearly THE DRIVERS are a problem! HAHAHHAAH

      Reply

      • ToshZA

        October 31, 2013 at 15:54

        Oh man, that’s so bad. SO funny, but so bad. hahahaha!

        Reply

      • Sir Rants-a-Lot Llew

        November 1, 2013 at 06:53

        Bwhahahahaha

        Reply

  5. ToshZA

    October 31, 2013 at 15:36

    Out of all the poor decisions MS has made, this has got to be the most terrifying one.

    Reply

    • Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)

      October 31, 2013 at 15:51

      Imagine seeing that thing in the sky, hovering over your city…. I’d freak out and run for the hills.

      Reply

      • ToshZA

        October 31, 2013 at 15:53

        If it was in a horror movie (which after this, is very likely). everyone would stop and stare while it destroys everything with red rings of DOOM.

        Reply

        • Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)

          October 31, 2013 at 15:59

          Hell’s man! Red Rings of Doom was one of the scariest movies of the last decade. Hopefully, MASSIVE BONE the sequel won’t disappoint.

          Reply

          • ToshZA

            October 31, 2013 at 16:05

            MASSIVE LULZ @ MASSIVE BONE. hahahahahahaha.

            Lets wait and see what the critics say, but they get paid, so maybe wait for community reviews?

          • Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)

            October 31, 2013 at 16:19

            Always… wait for the Community Reviews! πŸ˜›

          • Unavengedavo(aka. IceCreamMan)

            November 1, 2013 at 09:00

            Massive bone? Is that a tennis match starring Serena Williams?

  6. Pieter Kruger

    October 31, 2013 at 15:36

    In other breaking news: Sony did the same but it melted!

    Reply

    • Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)

      October 31, 2013 at 15:39

      In other news, the picture Pieter posted is actually the warehouse where they’re storing all the xbone720s…

      Reply

  7. Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)

    October 31, 2013 at 15:41

    Seriously though, who thought this would be a good idea? lol This is so funny and for all the wrong reasons.

    Reply

  8. Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)

    October 31, 2013 at 15:42

    And on this day, Canada fell to a giant Xbone! Thousands of Canadians rushed for the border, and the US had to build a wall. πŸ™

    Blame Canada? No! Blame XBONE!

    Reply

    • Alien Emperor Trevor

      October 31, 2013 at 15:50

      A wall you say, why not use 5 or 6 Xbones placed on their sides?

      Reply

      • Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)

        October 31, 2013 at 15:52

        GENIUS! 5 to 6 Xbones would definitely separate the land of the free from Canada! Throw in one more, and Alaska will be free from the Canadians!

        I think 10 or so, chucked in the ocean will create a land-bridge between Hawaii and California!

        Reply

        • ToshZA

          October 31, 2013 at 15:54

          But do they float?

          Reply

          • Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)

            October 31, 2013 at 15:56

            See this is what I’m unsure off, they are MASSIVE! Do you think if you throw an XBONE into the Pacific ocean, it’ll generate a catastrophic tsunami that could decimate south-east Asia? Maybe that’s Microsoft plan!

          • ToshZA

            October 31, 2013 at 15:57

            Its about the only way they’ll eliminate Sony.

          • Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)

            October 31, 2013 at 16:01

            Perhaps that’s why Don “The Jacket” Mattrick left, the plan didn’t sit well with him?

            Don: “XBros, this plan doesn’t sit well with me, I’m off to Zynga”

      • Unavengedavo(aka. IceCreamMan)

        November 1, 2013 at 08:57

        I was under the impression that it was not supported

        Reply

  9. Unavengedavo(aka. IceCreamMan)

    October 31, 2013 at 15:42

    Breaking news: The Giant Xbox One overlord has decided to pull a 180 and is now petting fluffy bunnies…

    Reply

  10. Alien Emperor Trevor

    October 31, 2013 at 15:50

    Let Steam have the living room, MS will have the CAR PARK!

    Reply

  11. Kromas

    October 31, 2013 at 17:35

    Scientists suggest that even with enough achievements it will not awaken until a shadow of a cloud passes over it. πŸ˜›

    Reply

  12. trueLies

    November 1, 2013 at 08:35

    Where is the kinect? Does any one even care about it?

    Reply

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