Home Gaming FFD: Who has the best beard in videogames?

FFD: Who has the best beard in videogames?

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FFD

What’s the very best thing about The Witcher 3? It’s not the expansive world, or the interesting-interlinking side-quests. It’s not the fact that there are consequences to your actions, or even the Unicorn sex. No, the very best thing about The Witcher 3 is Geralt’s customisable beard – and that fact that it grows in real-time. And though I’ve just recently shaved my own, real-life one off, I have to admit that beards are awesome. Who though, has the best beard in videogames?

I’m torn. When I started this, I was sure it would be the many Russian beard of Street Fighter’s Zangief – but then I remembered the lovely lower mane of Golden Axe’s diminutive Gilius Thunderhead. And then! Then I remembered that sad and depressed Max Payne grew a pretty slick beard in the third game, and that Donkey Kong’s cranky Elder sported impressive muzzle-lashing of his own.

Metal Gear’s Big Boss has a decent enough, though far-too trimmed beard, as does Deus Ex’s Adam Jensen. Real beards though? They should be man-of-themountain stuff, like Bioshock Infinites Zachary Comstock, or the pirate LeChuck’s great big face-poodle.

And honestly? I’m still torn. You tell us: Who has the best beard in videogames?

This is what I’m Tolkien about.

Last Updated: May 22, 2015

89 Comments

  1. Admiral Chief's Adventure

    May 22, 2015 at 10:33

    Geralt, duh

    Reply

  2. Admiral Chief's Adventure

    May 22, 2015 at 10:34

    YOU SHAVED YOUR BEARD?
    Interesting

    Reply

    • Admiral Chief's Adventure

      May 22, 2015 at 10:34

      I thought I sensed a disturbance in the BeardForce

      Reply

    • Marc O Polo

      May 23, 2015 at 20:36

      Shaving your beard is like getting your period for the first time… It’s the day you officially become a woman!

      Reply

      • Hammersteyn

        May 23, 2015 at 23:55

        bwahahaha ^This!

        Reply

      • Admiral Chief's Adventure

        May 25, 2015 at 09:36

        xD

        Reply

  3. Pieter Smal

    May 22, 2015 at 10:35

    Moi. Beard + Star Wars + awesomeness = best gamer beard 😛

    Reply

  4. Admiral Chief's Adventure

    May 22, 2015 at 10:35

    My third Skyrim Nord has a magnificent knotted beard, courtesy of my daughter when we created the character together

    Reply

  5. Valshen

    May 22, 2015 at 10:36

    Me, obviously.

    Reply

    • Hammersteyn

      May 22, 2015 at 10:37

      rofl!

      Reply

    • Admiral Chief's Adventure

      May 22, 2015 at 10:40

      I second this motion, the Admiral has spoken

      Reply

    • HairyEwok

      May 22, 2015 at 10:41

      Yeah even i have to stand back for that

      Reply

    • ReaperOfSquirrels

      May 22, 2015 at 10:55

      I was going to say “Valshen does!”, but you beat me to it.

      Reply

    • hairyknees

      May 22, 2015 at 12:25

      That’s what I said! 😛

      Reply

    • Thats_how_I_Troll

      May 22, 2015 at 12:45

  6. kuuu(UMAR)rrrr

    May 22, 2015 at 10:36

    Doctor Light – Megaman
    Coz it’s fluffy AF and I want it for the cuddles.
    http://static.giantbomb.com/uploads/scale_small/0/26/10586-drlight.jpg

    Reply

  7. Witcher Bob

    May 22, 2015 at 10:37

    Wise words from Zangief: And I say, Zangief you are bad guy, but this does not mean you are *bad* guy.

    Reply

  8. Hammersteyn

    May 22, 2015 at 10:37

  9. Ruqi

    May 22, 2015 at 10:38

    • Hammersteyn

      May 22, 2015 at 10:39

      meh C- for effort

      Reply

    • Trevor Matrix

      May 22, 2015 at 10:39

      Fuck the beard! I just figured why Gordon Freeman is always so quiet.
      The guy is a fucking serial killer!
      Look.At.Those.Eyes!
      Empty as the void.
      As my mother’s soul!

      Reply

      • Ruqi

        May 22, 2015 at 10:40

        Makes sense. Look at how many humans and aliens he’s killed since the first game. Psychopath!

        Reply

  10. Trevor Matrix

    May 22, 2015 at 10:38

    Beards? Really Geoff? BEARDS???

    Reply

  11. Ruqi

    May 22, 2015 at 10:38

    • Hammersteyn

      May 22, 2015 at 10:38

      This!

      Reply

  12. Witcher Bob

    May 22, 2015 at 10:41

    Any dwarf in any game. Dwarves seem to have the most epic of beards

    Reply

  13. Mark Treloar

    May 22, 2015 at 10:41

    Best thing about The Witcher is the execution kills. Also the rolling heads.

    Reply

  14. Admiral Chief's Adventure

    May 22, 2015 at 10:43

    After looking at Jensen’s beard for the last few weeks, I have to agree. Quite the shaped masterpiece

    Reply

  15. Sageville

    May 22, 2015 at 10:43

    I could give you a pic of the best beard in gaming, but I hate selfies.

    Reply

  16. kuuu(UMAR)rrrr

    May 22, 2015 at 10:43

    And on this day, a bunch of gamers gathered to perv over grown men’s beards…

    Reply

    • Sageville

      May 22, 2015 at 10:44

      Don’t come here with your naked-face tendancies!

      Reply

  17. CaptainNemo42

    May 22, 2015 at 10:45

    Gavlan Wheel, Gavlan Deal!

    Reply

  18. kuuu(UMAR)rrrr

    May 22, 2015 at 10:46

    • Admiral Chief's Adventure

      May 22, 2015 at 10:47

      This guy?
      (refresh)

      Reply

  19. Hammersteyn

    May 22, 2015 at 10:46

    • Sageville

      May 22, 2015 at 10:47

      The question wasn’t “Naffiest character with facial hair”

      Reply

      • Hammersteyn

        May 22, 2015 at 10:48

        That beard has survived some “hairy” situations

        Reply

        • Sageville

          May 22, 2015 at 10:49

          Many close shaves?

          Reply

          • Hammersteyn

            May 22, 2015 at 10:50

            hahaha exactly

    • Trevor Matrix

      May 22, 2015 at 11:12

      If Rockstar really cared about it’s fans, the first Trevor mission would go like this:
      “Trevor, this is your buddy Roman! Want to go bowling?”
      “Yeah sure buddy! Let’s go have a rootin’ tootin time bowling!”
      You meet Roman, then kill him in seven creative ways.
      I am sure the Pope would applaud this move!

      Reply

      • Matthew Holliday

        May 22, 2015 at 12:31

        it was approved.
        removed from the game because gratuitous violence.
        decapitation and using his head as a bowling ball was apparently too much for the 12 year olds who play this 18 restricted game.

        Reply

  20. Sageville

    May 22, 2015 at 10:46

    “Don’t starve” dood’s beard was epic, also useful…

    Reply

  21. Kromas,powered by windows 10.

    May 22, 2015 at 10:47

    Kromas of Dreanor

    Reply

    • Ottokie

      May 22, 2015 at 10:59

      I see you have the Dread raven, so digital deluxe as well, with a 2 month long break so far 😛

      Reply

      • Kromas,powered by windows 10.

        May 22, 2015 at 11:08

        Physical CE for every single expansion. 😛

        Reply

        • Ottokie

          May 22, 2015 at 11:12

          I just want to go back… But I know i will just get bored with the current lack of content again. Got the Firehawk from Raggy and Ashes of Al’ar just before my sub ran out for this break. And that was like my biggest goals for my leisure time 😛

          Reply

    • Blood Emperor Trevor

      May 22, 2015 at 11:00

      Damn, Witcher 3 really HAS been downgraded on PC. *run*

      Reply

  22. Admiral Chief's Adventure

    May 22, 2015 at 10:47

    We all know it ain’t this guy:

    Reply

    • kuuu(UMAR)rrrr

      May 22, 2015 at 10:49

      Beast Beard, not best pubes.

      Reply

    • HairyEwok

      May 22, 2015 at 10:53

      huehuehue (refresh)

      Reply

  23. HairyEwok

    May 22, 2015 at 10:51

    Lets not forget the Wolvarine

    Reply

  24. Captain JJ Hack&Slash&Dodge

    May 22, 2015 at 10:51

    Me, when I can create my own character 😀

    Reply

  25. Loftus

    May 22, 2015 at 10:51

    I’ll settle this debate quickly the best beard in gaming goes to : Alessandro Barbosa. 🙂

    Reply

    • Captain JJ Hack&Slash&Dodge

      May 22, 2015 at 10:52

      Where does his beard grow if not on his face?

      Reply

  26. Captain JJ Hack&Slash&Dodge

    May 22, 2015 at 10:55

  27. Trevor Matrix

    May 22, 2015 at 11:07

    I am depressed. My fiance is having a braai with this other dude today…

    Reply

    • Admiral Chief's Adventure

      May 22, 2015 at 11:15

      Firstly, why are you upset?
      Secondly, why is she doing this?
      Thirdly, you have a fiance?

      Reply

    • HairyEwok

      May 22, 2015 at 11:16

  28. Marius Nell

    May 22, 2015 at 11:14

    Best beards to date must have been in The Order 1886

    Reply

    • Trevor Matrix

      May 22, 2015 at 11:21

      You date beards???? I don’t judge. We all have our fetishes….

      Reply

  29. Ranting Raptor

    May 22, 2015 at 11:17

    Good conscience from Black and White

    Reply

  30. Deceased

    May 22, 2015 at 11:32

    Scrolled all the way down and didn’t see mention of Willson from Don’t Starve 😐

    Reply

  31. Johann

    May 22, 2015 at 11:36

    How can anyone forget Lechuck from Monkey Island

    Reply

  32. Jaco van der Walt

    May 22, 2015 at 12:12

    Cranky Kong needs an honourable mention too…

    Reply

  33. Matthew Holliday

    May 22, 2015 at 12:33

    Muradin Bronzebeard from warcraft 3 etc.
    FOR KAZMODAAAAAAAAAAAAN
    http://i1.2pcdn.com/node14/image/article/201402/14/20140214013819a0dpjtbvlbmmws0v.jpg

    Reply

  34. Brady miaau

    May 22, 2015 at 13:54

    Easy. My on / off beard, I grow when I feel lazy. Easy. I am, after all, an integral part to all the games I play, else I would not be playing them.

    So. Whatever length my beard is at the time of playing (currently very short) is the perfect length for the perfect beard.

    Reply

  35. Avi

    May 22, 2015 at 14:33

    Not by the hair of chininy chin chin

    Reply

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