Fire in the disco!

You may have noticed that the ION model for today contains far more hair, muscles and testicles than you’re used to. That’s because there is no LW Mag sponsored Homegrown Hottie this week. Also, it’s all Zoe and Gavin’s fault. They made me do this. Form an angry mob around them, if you would. You can use the beard of Lardus as a makeshift torch.

In Other News: Shadowrun on your tablet, NBA is regrettable to control, Japan has a very different marketplace and FIFA 14 gets balanced.

Here’s the news that we didn’t post today, because I was too busy standing in a crowded elevator and shouting ‘”HEIMDALL, OPEN THE BIFROST”.

News

Shadowrun Returns headed to tablets later today
The Last of Us DLC Outbreak teased for today
NBA 2K14 designer calls constant control changes ‘regrettable’
Splinter Blacklist Homeland DLC out now
Bastion and The Walking Dead add iOS controller support
Gaikai may deliver Playstation content to other devices
Injustice Gods Among Us may come to next-gen consoles
EA addressing FIFA 14 balance issues in future update

Stuff

A pair of artists in the name of social commentary
Japan’s gaming market – A world apart
The end of hateful internet comments might be sooner than expected
Game funding by Kickstarter – A cautionary tale

Videos

Batman Arkham Origins – Deathstroke Challenge Pack Gameplay

Playstation 4 – Starting beeps

Thief – Bank heist trailer

What’s on at The Movies

This new trailer for Big Ass Spider is ten stories tall and very,very hungry
Top List Thursdays – Top Ten Most underrated horror villains
The Hunger Games: Catching Fire reveals 20 new images
Feel the Need for Speed in this first teaser trailer
https://www.criticalhit.net/2013/09/26/justin-long-is-beyond-lost-in-this-first-trailer-for-a-case-of-you/
https://www.criticalhit.net/2013/09/26/this-fantastic-trailer-for-dom-hemingway-is-stating-what-it-wants-to-state-in-whatever-state-it-wants-to/

Model: I have no idea, but maybe Zoe does.

Last Updated: September 26, 2013

1.1
was reviewed on PC

119 Comments

  1. ITS A TRAP!

    Reply

    • Hammersteyn

      September 26, 2013 at 16:12

      Not a FAP?

      Reply

      • Sir Rants-a-Lot Llew

        September 26, 2013 at 16:12

        Dude. Come on man

        Reply

        • Hammersteyn

          September 26, 2013 at 16:15

          Hehe sorry.

          Reply

        • Theo Steenekamp

          September 26, 2013 at 16:24

          That last part of the sentence could have a lot of meanings. Just saying.

          Reply

          • Sir Rants-a-Lot Llew

            September 26, 2013 at 16:36

            lol

      • Admiral Chief of Rivia

        September 26, 2013 at 16:12

        Not in my case, strange you think of FAP with such a horrible header 🙁

        Reply

        • Lardus-Resident Perve

          September 26, 2013 at 16:12

          Haha ja nee!

          Reply

        • Hammersteyn

          September 26, 2013 at 16:15

          It’s Trevor’s fault!

          Reply

          • Admiral Chief of Rivia

            September 26, 2013 at 16:16

            No worries, we all were fooled today

      • Alien Emperor Trevor

        September 26, 2013 at 16:13

        brb… steam room

        (for Rince’s amusement)

        Reply

        • Sir Rants-a-Lot Llew

          September 26, 2013 at 16:14

          You going to the steam room with rince?

          Reply

          • Admiral Chief of Rivia

            September 26, 2013 at 16:14

            Rince is scared of steam 😛

          • Sir Rants-a-Lot Llew

            September 26, 2013 at 16:15

            I’d be too if there was an @disqus_DoEH3TsffU:disqus hiding in the steam

    • Lardus-Resident Perve

      September 27, 2013 at 07:14

  2. Admiral Chief of Rivia

    September 26, 2013 at 16:02

    THIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEF (and not for robbing us of the ION, was referring to the video)

    Reply

    • Lardus-Resident Perve

      September 26, 2013 at 16:07

      At least we got the Jessica Nigri post to ogle over today.

      Reply

  3. Lardus-Resident Perve

    September 26, 2013 at 16:06

    Sies Darryn – I’ve been waiting for a while for the ION and you spring THIS on me? Oh well, inappropriate comment time: Is that HIS fountain spraying?

    Reply

  4. Sir Rants-a-Lot Llew

    September 26, 2013 at 16:07

    Manly ION? Doesn’t matter. Still had Jessica Nigri article

    Reply

    • SaintsRowNigri

      September 26, 2013 at 16:27

      We may have had our differences earlier today, but for that comment, I shall raise my glass with you, Great and Wise Sir!

      Reply

      • Sir Rants-a-Lot Llew

        September 26, 2013 at 16:36

        We agree on that 🙂

        Reply

        • SaintsRowNigri

          September 26, 2013 at 16:40

          PS: Apologies if I came across as a bit of a doos on the whole Steambox thing really. It does seem like it could be of some use for other people.
          Ever had one of those days where it seems the new levels of stupidity humanity can reach is just well, stupid? My day was just racked with that, and I did some under the influence of rage posting today. Which I should not have directed at you like that.
          So sorry chief…

          Reply

          • Sir Rants-a-Lot Llew

            September 27, 2013 at 07:09

            No worries mate. Sorry aswell from my side.

            I myself was under a bit of rant-posting. All good 🙂

  5. Alien Emperor Trevor

    September 26, 2013 at 16:08

    Fireman? Oh please, Astronaut always wins. :/

    Reply

    • Admiral Chief of Rivia

      September 26, 2013 at 16:08

      Agreed

      Reply

    • Lara's John

      September 26, 2013 at 16:30

      Astronaut with puppies

      Reply

  6. Martin du preez

    September 26, 2013 at 16:08

    Uuhhhm there’s a boet in my ION..

    Reply

    • Admiral Chief of Rivia

      September 26, 2013 at 16:08

      1. http://www.google.co.za
      2. “underboob”
      3. sorted

      Reply

      • Hammersteyn

        September 26, 2013 at 16:11

        I left out under just to feel better

        Reply

  7. Hammersteyn

    September 26, 2013 at 16:10

  8. Sir Rants-a-Lot Llew

    September 26, 2013 at 16:13

    Um nope…

    Reply

  9. Lardus-Resident Perve

    September 26, 2013 at 16:14

    “Model: I have no idea, but maybe Zoe does.” – poor form man. I can excuse spelling mistakes in the names of the hot girls, but totally not putting a name? How are the ladies supposed to Google him now?

    Reply

    • Sir Rants-a-Lot Llew

      September 26, 2013 at 16:14

      Google has this awesome feature called search by image

      Reply

      • Lardus-Resident Perve

        September 26, 2013 at 16:18

        Really? Will use one of the PROPER ION images to check it out tonight!

        Reply

    • Her Highness the Hipster

      September 26, 2013 at 16:17

      funny how hot men on google have no names. male objectification!

      Reply

      • Hammersteyn

        September 26, 2013 at 16:23

        We are people to. Not just pieces of well trimmed, low fat, succulent meat!

        Reply

        • Lara's John

          September 26, 2013 at 16:24

          You’re talking about South African steak, aren’t you?

          Reply

      • Lardus-Resident Perve

        September 26, 2013 at 16:40

        I’ll take your word on that. I am NOT going to test it myself.

        Reply

        • SaintsRowNigri

          September 26, 2013 at 16:43

          Really? You do not have the balls to admit a guy is hot?

          Reply

          • Lardus-Resident Perve

            September 26, 2013 at 16:47

            I have the balls to admit it. Just not going to go searching for it. And the ION has too many muscles so in my opinion he is not really hot. And too many tattoos (different on a woman).

          • Lara's John

            September 26, 2013 at 16:48

            And no beard…

          • Lardus-Resident Perve

            September 26, 2013 at 16:54

            Of course you will get an up-vote for that!

          • SaintsRowNigri

            September 26, 2013 at 16:49

            Too many muscles = this…

          • Lardus-Resident Perve

            September 26, 2013 at 16:54

            How does he answer his phone? Or wipe his ass? Or…

          • SaintsRowNigri

            September 26, 2013 at 16:57

            If you are stupid enough to look like this out of your own free will, I doubt you have the mental capacity to work a phone, or wipe your own ass…

          • Lardus-Resident Perve

            September 26, 2013 at 16:58

            True that!

          • Weanerdog

            September 26, 2013 at 16:55

            Cadbury Bubbles poster boy

  10. Umar Jaeger

    September 26, 2013 at 16:15

    “Men men men men, manly men men men!”
    “Men men men men, manly men men men!”
    “Men men men men, manly men, oo hoo hoo, hoo hoo, oo.
    “Men men men men, manly men men men!”
    “Men men men men, manly men men men!”
    “Men…”

    Reply

    • Lardus-Resident Perve

      September 26, 2013 at 16:17

      it’s raining men hallelujah
      it’s raining men amen
      it’s raining men hallelujah
      it’s raining men amen

      Reply

    • Hammersteyn

      September 26, 2013 at 16:17

      Except that’s not a real man, this is:

      Reply

      • Umar Jaeger

        September 26, 2013 at 16:19

        Real men have chest hair, pissy boys don’t !

        Reply

        • Her Highness the Hipster

          September 26, 2013 at 16:19

          i searched for men with chest hair. google images was not kind to me

          Reply

          • Lara's John

            September 26, 2013 at 16:20

            Haha. I can believe so.

          • Umar Jaeger

            September 26, 2013 at 16:20

            In Muda Russia our chest hair has hair!

          • Lardus-Resident Perve

            September 26, 2013 at 16:20

            Wonder what would happen if I searched for women with chest hair….*quickly grabs phone to check*

          • Lara's John

            September 26, 2013 at 16:21

            Oh, please do tell us, for I am not brave enough to google that myself.

          • Lardus-Resident Perve

            September 26, 2013 at 16:25

            On or two 0_0 pictures. Then it switched over to men! Then a few women wearing fur. Stopped there – got distracted by a search suggestion “women with chest tattoos”…

          • Lara's John

            September 26, 2013 at 16:26

            Google is a sly bastard with distracting you like that. Happens way too often.

          • SaintsRowNigri

            September 26, 2013 at 16:43

            Hmmmmm… Gaming tonight or googling “women with chest tattoos”…

          • Lardus-Resident Perve

            September 26, 2013 at 16:48

            Finishing my Warhammer 40K army list and brushing up on some rules so I can play my first game this weekend…might have time to watch that scene from Xena…

          • Hammersteyn

            September 26, 2013 at 16:21

            Search this : sexy chest hair -fat -manboob -mullet

          • Umar Jaeger

            September 26, 2013 at 16:22

            That actually brought back some handsome men

          • Lara's John

            September 26, 2013 at 16:22

            A combination certain to bring about some a-grade classy sh!t

          • Her Highness the Hipster

            September 26, 2013 at 16:24

            oh really?

          • Hammersteyn

            September 26, 2013 at 16:26

            Yeah….. most of them. Feels like I got hair stuck in my mouth.

          • SaintsRowNigri

            September 26, 2013 at 16:45

            But… but… why would you search for this????

          • Hammersteyn

            September 26, 2013 at 21:07

            Was helping Zoe

        • Lara's John

          September 26, 2013 at 16:46

          Dammit!

          Reply

      • Lara's John

        September 26, 2013 at 16:46

        You, my friend, are a real man for posting this pic

        Reply

      • SaintsRowNigri

        September 26, 2013 at 16:46

        I shudder to think what terror MacGyver would come up with if he had a missile and a Swiss army knife…

        Reply

        • Lara's John

          September 26, 2013 at 16:48

          Nah, doesn’t need it.

          Reply

          • SaintsRowNigri

            September 26, 2013 at 16:49

            I know, but still…

      • SaintsRowNigri

        September 26, 2013 at 16:51

        That is no man. Ladies, prepare to have your pants melted…

        Reply

  11. Admiral Chief of Rivia

    September 26, 2013 at 16:16

    Why is there no ladies commenting?

    Reply

    • Hammersteyn

      September 26, 2013 at 16:19

      It’s a FLAP?

      * Runs out the door before crucifixion can commence

      Reply

  12. Lara's John

    September 26, 2013 at 16:18

    Wait a second….something seems off here.

    Reply

    • Lara's John

      September 26, 2013 at 16:20

      I’ve got it!!!!
      They didn’t mention GTA V.
      Yes, yes. That must be it.

      Reply

  13. Her Highness the Hipster

    September 26, 2013 at 16:19

    yes, i proudly selected this photo! i particularly love the well placed fountain…

    Reply

    • Hammersteyn

      September 26, 2013 at 16:20

      Symbolism, that header has tons.

      Reply

      • Her Highness the Hipster

        September 26, 2013 at 16:20

        did you check the size of his helmet? *wags eyebrows*

        Reply

        • Hammersteyn

          September 26, 2013 at 16:22

          And his harness o_0

          Reply

          • Umar Jaeger

            September 26, 2013 at 16:22

            And his tattoo … okay I don’t get it

        • Lara's John

          September 26, 2013 at 16:23

          I don’t think he’s a fireman at all. I call lies!

          Reply

          • SaintsRowNigri

            September 26, 2013 at 16:25

            I think he causes fires in the uhm,,, Netherrealm?

        • SaintsRowNigri

          September 26, 2013 at 16:24

          I am for one, just happy he does not show us his hose…

          Reply

          • Hammersteyn

            September 26, 2013 at 16:24

            LOL

          • Umar Jaeger

            September 26, 2013 at 16:25

            It’s probably going to be all wobbly…because…penis

          • Hammersteyn

            September 26, 2013 at 16:27

            Except when he waters the, um…… flowers?

          • Lara's John

            September 26, 2013 at 16:27

            Smooth

          • Umar Jaeger

            September 26, 2013 at 16:27

            The water pressure causes it to …. cum?

          • Hammersteyn

            September 26, 2013 at 16:28

            Come around to water the back garden?

          • Her Highness the Hipster

            September 26, 2013 at 16:28

            is that what the fountain is doing with the arc de triumph in the pic?

          • Hammersteyn

            September 26, 2013 at 16:29

            Oooo well spotted

          • SaintsRowNigri

            September 26, 2013 at 17:08

            You know what made me realize I may be watching way too much porn? When I started thinking: Now there is a nice painting of Venice on the wall!

          • Hammersteyn

            September 26, 2013 at 21:06

            LOL

          • SaintsRowNigri

            September 26, 2013 at 16:31

            So he is a frenchy too? Nope sorry. The last Frenchmen worthy of our praise. PS: I went back in time, showed them this ION and that was their reaction…

          • Her Highness the Hipster

            September 26, 2013 at 16:34

            it’s actually a small arc de triumph in NYC – washington square park, to be exact…. can you tell i grew up there?

          • Lara's John

            September 26, 2013 at 16:35

            South Africa must be a real change of pace for you.

          • SaintsRowNigri

            September 26, 2013 at 16:36

            So his triumph is a small one then?
            Question: What made you come (no pun intended really) to South Africa if you are from the States?

          • Lardus-Resident Perve

            September 26, 2013 at 16:28

            You “men” have way too much imagination pertaining to a MALE ION!!

          • Lara's John

            September 26, 2013 at 16:29

            Thank you Lardus.

          • Umar Jaeger

            September 26, 2013 at 16:29

            There is too much SOIL there

  14. Rock789

    September 26, 2013 at 16:28

    Um… No.

    Reply

  15. Lardus-Resident Perve

    September 26, 2013 at 16:32

    Need for Speed movie trying to sound overly serious and epic…And really, they still do those “car touches another car and explodes” thing in movies?

    Reply

    • Lara's John

      September 26, 2013 at 16:34

      Hollywood loves their explosions, any excuse to make them bigger and more fiery is good enough.

      Reply

    • SaintsRowNigri

      September 26, 2013 at 16:35

      Two equal amounts of awesome cannot occupy the same space and time at once?

      Reply

  16. Lardus-Resident Perve

    September 26, 2013 at 16:38

    Colleague just told me about this (I hardly ever read the ION text) – “You can use the beard of Lardus as a makeshift torch”. HAHAHA!

    Reply

    • Lara's John

      September 26, 2013 at 16:38

      Sacrilege!

      Reply

  17. hubble19

    September 26, 2013 at 16:49

    At last, something male.Although it looks like his eyebrows got a bit penciled in. And I wonder how much he spends on sunbed rent……

    Reply

  18. Lardus-Resident Perve

    September 26, 2013 at 16:56

    Do ION articles count for most comments at the end of the week?

    Reply

  19. GalacticLordCaptainAwesomeness

    September 26, 2013 at 17:03

    They “made you” do it eh darryn…Eh ?

    Reply

    • SaintsRowNigri

      September 26, 2013 at 17:06

      Yes. He brilliantly rose to the occasion…

      Reply

      • GalacticLordCaptainAwesomeness

        September 26, 2013 at 17:08

        It’s gonna be a hard one to forget

        Reply

  20. Kyrelimit

    September 26, 2013 at 17:36

    ION HEADER WIN.

    Reply

  21. Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)

    September 27, 2013 at 08:45

    Daddy, why is that fireman practically deformed?

    Reply

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