Every year, billions of game developers die because of Metacritic. An arbitrary collection of numbers and some other aggregate crap that makes no sense to a guy who barely passed his Maths exam in Grade 7, it’s clear that this system is holding us back. But Critical Hit (previously Lazygamer) has heard your cries. Critical Hit is here to save the day. And as the most important website in Africa (Behind Bathroom Bizarre Online, SpareBeetleParts.co.za and MugabeFalls.org), we feel that we have a duty to be a shining beacon of inspiration with our review system.
For starters, none of our reviews will contain any words whatsoever. Market research has proven that audiences don’t exactly care for a thousand-odd words of hastily written tripe, especially when it has been penned by a gang of foul-smelling Morlocks with the manners of a bloated dead horse. So words are out, and instead our reviews will use revolutionary new Negative Space Technology ™, while we pretend to have actually played the game.
Instead of using those bastard numbers to assign an opinionated value to our reviews, we’ve overhauled the system to now use the finest reaction GIF’s, gathered from five minutes of drunkenly surfing through 4Chan. Our new system works as follows:
Last Updated: February 13, 2017