Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance predicted a Donald Trump presidency

3 min read
12

armstrong-(1)

No listen, I’m not trying to dickbait you guys. See, I know things. I’ve been places. I can understand the patterns and I know that we are headed for a dark time. After all, there is no collection of words that can inspire more fear in a person than “US President Donald Trump”, and my mom used to read the Babadook book to me as a kid.

Thing is, we were warned. All the way back in 2013 already. One game had the courage. One video game had the balls to warn us that an unstoppable danger was in the air, as we face a future where Donald Trump might rule over us all. And that game was Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance.

What, you mean the alright action title?

Hulk rage

Listen, you say ne more bad word about Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance and I will eat your face off.

Okay, calm down

YOU’RE NOT MY MOM

Listen, put your tinfoil hat on and let’s get this over with

Armstrong (3)

Okay, hear me out. Within Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance, there happens to be a politician by the name of Senator Armstrong. A successful business man which Donald Trump totally is, Armstrong happens to have his eyes on the presidency.

Sounds familiar

Armstrong (4)

IT TOTES IS. Thing is, Armstrong also has some creepy views regarding children and how they should best serve the world.

Oh crap, he doesn’t hit on his own daughter does he?

Nah, he’s not that bad. Instead he merely has kidnapped children carved up and their brains placed in robotic shells and AI systems.

That’s a relief, but there must be more to him than that

Armstrong (2)

Oh there totally is. Armstrong is unrelenting in his drive to be President, using any means whatsoever to raise the capital so that he can sit in the Oval Office. And then things get even worse. And familiar.

What

I mean, just look at these moments from the final fight in Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance. These speech bites, which sound like they were written by genocidal racist inbred morons/Trump apologists:

Armstrong (3)

Armstrong (4)

Armstrong (5)

Armstrong (8)

Now I’m worried

Armstrong (7)

You should be. There’s a very high chance that Trump might be a nanotech-augmented madman who has a dream of killing the world in nuclear fire and starting all over again from scratch.

Crap crap crap what do we do?

Armstrong (6)

Legally, I’m not allowed to recommend that you have most of your limbs sawn off and replaced with highly-advanced cybernetics that can be used to wield a high frequency blade with uncanny precision that belonged to a warrior with Brazilian blood running in his veins. You really shouldn’t do that, according to my lawyers.

Maybe we should vote for Hillary Clinton

Oh don’t get me started on her and the connection to Ogopogo from Final Fantasy IV…

Last Updated: October 12, 2016

Darryn Bonthuys

Word-slinger at Critical Hit. Inventor of the macho Swiss gym chocolate known as Testoblerone. That's...that's about it really.

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