Lazygamer Feature: Puberty time is killing time!

4 min read


Wow, what a long day at work. Now I get to go home, open up a beer, power up the old console and abruptly get slaughtered by Timmy the 16 year old in a fit of his pubescent rage. Nice!

That’s exactly what I was looking forward to while my boss shouted at me and shoved more work down my throat. Aren’t you guys and gals tired of trying to have a nice gaming session only to constantly have to listen to these 10 to 13 year olds shout at you over their headpieces to cover them or get the Warthog? Is there no decency anymore? Is the Mature gaming world not sacred anymore? I believe that our games have an ESRB rating for a reason!

USAToday tells us that the average gaming age is from 27 to 36, right? Then why is it that I constantly, and I mean constantly, get sniped while playing Call of Duty and then…wait for it…ah yes, there it is, little Johnny 12 year old shouting OWNED at me! Seriously? This kid should be calling me uncle, but instead he’s calling me bitch? Bitch? Yes, bitch! Can you believe it? And this has happened in not merely one online session, but session upon session upon session! Gears of War, Battlefield, Fight Night, etc etc etc.

Why? Why is this happening to us? Is this payback for those days when we played Mortal Kombat at the street corner Cafe, when Mom clearly said that we’re not allowed to?

Karma, is this how you repay us? You sick, sadistic, cold, conniving, immoral. Ugh! I give up! I blame the parents of today, don’t you? I mean, sure, my parents weren’t the best when it came at censoring either. Yeah, I wasn’t allowed to watch movies that weren’t age appropriate nor did me and my pops ever really sit down, pop open a brew and watch Debbie does Dallas together.

But when it came to my gaming repertoire, my parents didn’t really play vulture. However, under no circumstance was I swearing over headsets and cursing at grown men. But all I can say is I’m fed up! I can’t take it anymore! I can’t take trying to active reload, only to be chain-sawed from behind by a kid half my age who’s mad at daddy. Okay, don’t believe me do you? I thought so, so just for fun, I’m adding this video, so that you can see the little sons-of-a…yeah, just watch the video and see what I mean.

^ Please note the these videos contain a lot of bad language.

See what I mean? Crazy right? These are the little ankle biters that keep killing me! These little guys in daddies back room, not even supposed to be playing these games anyway! But, I probably have to slow my role, as I have played with some AWESOME gamers who were a bit on the underage side. Ak-470 and Avayik, are 2 that I can think of off the top of my head and both of them are like 14 or 15. BUT, they never swore like this idiot nor did they go on like a whiny little brat. So what is the solution? I don’t know. It’s still an imperfect system, because as much as I despise these adolescent digital serial killers some of them are my friends and really nice guys.

Maybe we take their allowances away or give them a good ol’ spanking? Maybe we should put bans on selling Mature rated video games to underage kids like we do with cigarettes? Oh wait, isn’t that supposed to be happening already? Ah yes, that’s what that little M on the bottom corner of my video game case is. And here I was thinking it stood for: Magnificent or Most Awesome! Silly me! Oh, just one more, to prove my point once again!

^ Please note the these videos contain a lot of bad language.

Now do you believe me? I can’t take it anymore. I don’t curse back at them. I don’t gloat. I don’t brag or act vain when I play online. I just play because I enjoy it. YEAH! Right there! How’s that .50 Cal bullet feel in your forehead you little…oops, sorry! I knew I shouldn’t play games while trying to write…I’m going to go outside now and get some fresh air. Woosah…

Last Updated: May 12, 2009

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