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Rambo: The Video Game review round up

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Rambo

Though I think he can critique just fine, when it comes to incoming games that Darryn’s excited about, he just about always gets it all wrong. His latest absolute miss is with Rambo, The Videogame. While he obviously wasn’t expecting great, he was hoping it would be a fun, schlocky shooter that paid homage to its 1980’s action-hero roots. In a way, I suppose it has…it’s been made using 1980’s game design principles.

You know how 80’s action movies are just absolutely ludicrous, but they’re fun because of the inherent absurdity? This is nothing like that at all. It’s just bad. Here’s what others have said of the game. It’s an on-rail shooter, burdened with QTE’s, poor dialogue and an absence of fun.

IGN – 3/10: It sounds trite but I cannot stress enough how much more fun I had watching the first three Rambo films back to back in preparation for this review. They’re much cheaper and more entertaining than this game, and – even at just a shade over 90 minutes each – they lasted longer.

Eurogamer – 5/10: It would have been nice to report that the underdog turns out to be a unstoppable champion, but that was never realistically on the cards. So instead we get this: a cheesy, silly, mindless romp in which hordes of identical bad guys get turned to sticky red paste under the furious gaze of your twitching gun barrel. It’s certainly not a good game, but it is a game with zero irony. It’s not being corny and schlocky on purpose, which means that for all its faults Rambo honestly taps into the spirit of 1980s action cinema more deeply than you might expect – not in spite of its rough edges, but because of them.

Meristation –0.5/10: Rambo: The Videogame is one of the worst games that we’ve ever played. Poor and simple mechanics, a total disaster in terms of graphics and another wasted movie license.

The Escapist – 1 star: So this is Rambo: The Video Game. Ugly as sin, flimsy beyond belief, and chock full of some of the worst barely-interactive gameplay you’ll “enjoy” so far this year. Watch Hot Shots: Part Deux. Like this game, it makes an absolute mockery of the Rambo films, but it’s at least trying to be funny on purpose.

That sounds fantastic. Rambo: the videogame currently enjoys a Metacritic rating of 38 for the PC version, a laughable 18 for the Xbox 360 version and no rating on the PlayStation 3 as yet, because developer Teyon couldn’t convince enough people to play it.

Also, the header is too awesome to not re-use. Rambo: The Video Game is out this Friday on PC, PS3 and Xbox 360.

Last Updated: February 24, 2014

36 Comments

  1. Umar Reborn

    February 24, 2014 at 10:01

    Must buy this game……….

    Reply

    • TiMsTeR1033

      February 24, 2014 at 10:17

      Tell people who don’t read reviews “GO BUY THIS IT’S FLIPPIN AWESOME”
      Then also say get Dark Souls its the easiest game ever! hahaha

      Reply

      • Hammersteyn

        February 24, 2014 at 10:18

        Dark Souls is easy. Depending on how fast your character can run!

        Reply

        • HvR

          February 24, 2014 at 10:22

          Well since the main aim of Dark Souls is to die and cry like a little prison bitch when doing so I think it is pretty easy.

          Reply

          • Hammersteyn

            February 24, 2014 at 10:36

            Hell it even says prepare to die on the back of the box. Other games usually has more motivational messages.

          • HvR

            February 24, 2014 at 10:37

            Much like Big Bob saying: “Hope your hungry for cock meat sandwich”

          • Unavengedavo

            February 24, 2014 at 10:39

            You mean like this?

          • Hammersteyn

            February 24, 2014 at 10:43

            LOL

          • Unavengedavo

            February 24, 2014 at 10:45

            Hey, this is very motivational… Every time I see it I want to play Dark Souls and finish it!

          • Sir Rants A Lot Llew. Jelly!!!

            February 24, 2014 at 10:43

            Wait.. you mean I’ve been playing it the way it was intended all this time? Here I thought I just sucked at the game. Phew

          • HvR

            February 24, 2014 at 13:27

            Playing Dark Souls is like boxing against Mike Tyson with your ears covered in ketchup.

  2. Hammersteyn

    February 24, 2014 at 10:10

    Normally a movie based game is bad. So obviously a game based on three movies would be contender for worst game of the year.

    Reply

    • HvR

      February 24, 2014 at 10:14

      Hey that was actually the case last year as well.

      Hammersteyn’s Law of movie based video games states that the higher the amount of movies the game is based upon the exponentially worse it becomes.

      Reply

      • Rainman

        February 24, 2014 at 11:43

        O no, so Mad Max is doomed too?

        Reply

        • HvR

          February 24, 2014 at 13:22

          But Mad Max qualify for the loop hole in Hammersteyn’s law of movie based video games: if the game is based in the movie(s) universe on not on the actual movie(s) itself it MAY be exempt (see Case Study Addendum on Star Wars: Episode One game versus Star Wars: Kotor).

          Reply

  3. Admiral Chief in Vegas

    February 24, 2014 at 10:16

    DAT HEADER

    Reply

    • Hammersteyn

      February 24, 2014 at 10:17

      It’s an improvement

      Reply

  4. Admiral Chief in Vegas

    February 24, 2014 at 10:18

    “The Videogame is one of the worst games that we’ve ever played. Poor and simple mechanics, a total disaster in terms of graphics and another wasted movie license”

    DAAAAAAAAMN

    Reply

  5. Admiral Chief in Vegas

    February 24, 2014 at 10:18

    Also, HOT SHOTS PART DEUX FTW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Reply

  6. Hammersteyn

    February 24, 2014 at 10:18

    Quoting IGN from Metacritic :

    “In 2014, the idea of slogging through an entirely scripted, arcade
    rail-shooter with a mouse or a joypad feels like an unmitigated waste of
    time for everybody involved”

    Sounds familiar.

    Reply

  7. Matewis Jubilai

    February 24, 2014 at 10:19

    MWHAADDDRIIAAANNNN!!!

    Reply

  8. TiMsTeR1033

    February 24, 2014 at 10:31

    This is what the header should look like, as to buy this one would need to be smoking some good shit!

    Reply

    • RinceandLeSIGH

      February 24, 2014 at 10:35

      HAHAHAHAH

      Reply

    • Admiral Chief in Vegas

      February 24, 2014 at 10:38

      Hehehe

      Reply

    • Sir Rants A Lot Llew. Jelly!!!

      February 24, 2014 at 10:39

      looool. GG

      Reply

    • Hammersteyn

      February 24, 2014 at 10:46

      Selfish guy probably won’t even pass that shit.

      Reply

    • Sageville

      February 24, 2014 at 11:08

      Err…. just to clarify, there is no Shit, good or bad, that could make anyone susceptible to buying Rambo the video game.

      Reply

  9. Sir Rants A Lot Llew. Jelly!!!

    February 24, 2014 at 10:39

    Saw the header. Laughed. Scrolled straight to comments to give my vote for header of the century

    Reply

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