You ever hear of Tekken 7? Developed back in 1979 by the Illuminati before they rebranded themselves as Nestle, Tekken 7 was a weapon that was supposed to be used to help further the ideals of its masters but it was ultimately stolen by an agent in 1986 who operated under the code name of Banana Nascar. A cold war would kick off between BN and Nestle that saw the shell funds of Final Fantasy exhausted in the process.
Don’t believe me? Just check the maths on this one. MATHS. Anyway, when it comes to secret agents, espionage and conspiracy theories that make my wank material above look like a Pulitzer prize-winning essay on global warming, Solid Snake still reigns as the king of tinfoil hats. Ever since Metal Gear Solid reintroduced him to a world that had never experienced cinematic action on such a grand scale before, Snake has been in high demand.
Not just a member of He Who Shall Not be Named at Konami’s hit spy series, Snake has snuck up in several other games over the years. That cardboard box of his might need some serious reinforcement though, as Snake is ready to throw down in the King of the Iron Fist tournament when it kicks off its third season.
That’s the news coming out of EVO 2019 or so I thought, as Bandai Namco ended their presence at the tournament with a brief little exchange between Tekken producer Katsuhiro Harada and Solid Snake:
As much as it would have been to see Snake hurl a cardboard box at the likes of Paul Phoniex and Eddie Gordo when he was in the middle of his bullcrap button-mashing Capoeira, that ain’t happening.
According to the official Twitter of the tournament, the exchange that happened at EVO was nothing more than a little joke and is no indicator at all that Konami is allowing their golden goose with an eyepatch to throw down in the Mishima Grand Prix of Pugilism:
What a pity. On the plus side, Season 3 will have plenty of other characters to try out, including Tekken 6’s Zafina and brand new character Leroy Smith. Here’s his official character synopsis from Bandai Namco:
50 years ago, a young boy was caught up in a large-scale gang conflict in New York, losing his family and home. Missing for decades, he has finally returned to New York, now as a seasoned master of martial arts–and he’s out for revenge.
Season pass 3 cha-chings its way into action, this September. Now with that bit of news done, let me tell you all about how Rupert Murdoch created 4Chan in an effort to destabilise world governments in 1993 but ended up unleashing something much much worse instead…
Last Updated: August 5, 2019