The Kim Kardashian game is as bad as you think

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Kim Kardashian game

Having just returned from LA, where everyone is desperate to be noticed without any concern about why they’d stand out, I am acutely aware of the impact the Kardashians have had on all of us. Even those, like me, who avoid mention of them like the plague. Now, Kim is going to invade the gaming world, and it’s awful.

A bunch of tabloids recently went mad about a couple Instagram posts by Kim Kardashian. First up, there’s the sneak peak for the upcoming project:

Then there is this picture of Kim in the studio, recording something for her game, although the tabloids are speculating that this will tie in with relaunching her recording career. Every part of that sentence seems wrong, but here’s the picture.

But why speculate? Over on YouTube, there’s an entire hour-long “sneak peak” at the game. Stealing a cue from the Mortal Kombat games, they even changed the spelling of things so you can “Kustomize” your character. But what’s the game about? Well, according to the video description, this iOS and Android game lets you:

Join KIM KARDASHIAN on a red carpet adventure in Kim Kardiashain: Hollywood! Create your own aspiring celebrity and rise to fame and fortune!

  • CREATE YOUR OWN STAR and customize your look with hundreds of style options, including Kim Kardashian’s personal picks!
  • STAR in a huge interactive adventure as you encounter other celebs, dedicated fans, persistent paparazzi… and even hang out with Kim herself!
  • RULE THE RED CARPET as an A-list movie actor, cover model, fashion designer and more – what you do is up to you!
  • TAKE OVER L.A. in a virtual world complete with exclusive clubs, upscale boutiques, and luxury homes! Travel to New York City and Miami!
  • DATE AND DUMP CELEBS at the best parties and hottest clubs! Flirt and become the next huge celebrity power-couple!
  • BRING YOUR FRIENDS ALONG FOR THE RIDE using Game Center and Facebook – help each other rise to fame, compare styles, send gifts, and see who can be the biggest star!
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Overlooking the fact that if Geoff were their editor he would take away their exclamation marks until they knew how to use them, this is one of the most terrifying game descriptions I’ve read in a long time. It’s going beyond the usual boring fashion games for girls online, it’s encouraging players to shop, flirt and date their way to success. I wonder if you can gain a celebrity boost by releasing a sex tape.

Kim Kardashian: Hollywood will be free to play with players purchasing additional in-game items. I can just imagine the awful add-ons – I’m sure she’s tying it in with her sisters’ shops and there will be an entire Dash collection available for the low low price of all your money and soul. How long can you last watching this gameplay video?

Last Updated: June 18, 2014

Zoe Hawkins

Wielding my lasso of truth, I am the combination of nerd passion and grammar nazi. I delve into all things awesome and geek-tastic. You can read more of my words over at www.borngeek.co.za, or just follow me on all the social networks to get the true range of my sarcasm and wit.

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