Mortal Kombat X is now a mere two months away from being released. And we have yet to see the full roster revealed. The people want answers. The people demand more news. And at Lazygamer, we aim to deliver that news, no matter how catastrophically incorrect we may be in our pursuit of a half-baked almost-truth. And by the mighty skeletal summon fist of Shinnok, we think we may have cracked open another exclusive reveal for the game.
If you’re unfamiliar with Mortal Kombat, here’s what you need to know. Back in the 1990s, Ed Boon directed a cracking film which starred the Highlander leading not Bruce Lee and his pals as they tried to prevent Heihachi Mishima from a hostile takeover of the world. Along the way, they battled a pair of ninjas who had the power of terrible CGI and a four-armed Steven Seagal who had been left outside for too long. It was a great movie, and it eventually led to some great video game spin-offs.
It’s been a couple of years since then, and we’re now on our Xrd Mortal Kombat game, with Boon guiding the franchise. He’s been teasing characters for a while now, and he recently tweeted the following image:
— Ed Boon (@noobde) February 11, 2015
Which clearly marks the first ever debut of an Oreo biscuit in Mortal Kombat X. Obviously. Using the dodgiest of 4Chan resources, we think that we may have discovered everything there is to know about Khookie Khan. According to our source, who is not some random hobo that is hopped up on drugs behind our office, Khookie Khan hails from Outworld as yet another failed experiment from the labs of Shang Tsung. Designed to be the ultimate biscuit, Khookie Khan was enfused with the flavours and ingredients of a thousand Edenian cookies, but the end result was a midday treat that was too sweet to beat.
Seeking vengeance against Tsung after being banished for being simply too delicious, Kotal Khookie enters the next Mortal Kombat tournament in order to prove his worth. Much like all the other kharacters in the game, Khookie will have three variations from which to deal damage with. We’ve kompiled a list of what will probably make the cut, regarding these skills.
Using this variation, Khookie can stun opponents, as each attack that is landed on him will result in a crumbs being stuck to their hands and really there’s nothing grosser than that and they need to wipe it off and crumbs ewww ewwww eeewwww. Gross, nobody likes crumbs on their hands. What a horrible variation, honestly.
With Biscuit Barrage, Khookie can deal extra damage and Type-2 Diabetes with more precise creamy filling attacks that can hit either low or high for maximum damage and juggle attacks.
With Kookie Monster active, Khookie can resurrect your internet browsing history. You filthy pervert.
Khookie will also have an X-Ray attack called “Oh Krumbs” as well as his own fatality, “Kookies and Skream”. We’ve got some images showing them off, which aren’t photoshopped in any way whatsoever. Nope.
Our sources indicate that Khookie Khan will be part of the season pass, although playing as him constantly may be hazardous to your blood-sugar levels. Mortal Kombat X is out in April.
Last Updated: February 17, 2015