Ever since I shaved my head a few weeks back, I’ve been resisting the unrelenting urge to shave this bit of fluff on my chin that I like to call a beard. It’s the best I’ve managed in a long time, but still looks like a pitiful, patchy mess despite my genetics. Growing facial hair just doesn’t seem to be my thing, but thankfully I can live out my inadequacies in The Witcher 3 through Geralt.
The Witcher 3 has advanced systems to control monster AI and story links, but the real meat of CD Project RED’s coding prowess is shown off with Geralt’s impressive facial hair. While you play through the massive RPG, he’ll gradually start growing a beard. It’ll start off as some white stubble but quickly turn into a massive, wise-old man bush before you know it.
You can, of course, rock the old man Geralt look (and I probably will most of the time), but if you prefer a clean shave while cutting down things that go bump in the night, you’ll need to visit a barber. They’ll be able to trim your wild mane into something more manageable, but if you’re against any sort of facial hair you’ll probably be paying them visits frequently. This is truly the future of gaming!
Some other interesting details that made their way out of the recent hands-on sessions with the game (which some lucky German publication got exclusive rights to) include enemy scaling, potion crafting and fist fighting. Monsters will not scale according to your level, which means an endgame Griffon will easily one shot Geralt straight to the grave. That’s where potions come into play as well, as they become a necessity at much higher (and later) levels in the game.
Fist fight is also not confined to QTE interactions this time around. So feel free to bring down your hand of justice on any wandering traveler you deem worthy.
The Witcher 3 is out next month on Xbox One, PS4 and PC.
Last Updated: March 24, 2015
Mossel
March 24, 2015 at 12:06
Beard physics!!
Matthew Holliday
March 24, 2015 at 12:11
still a better love story than fish AI
Mossel
March 24, 2015 at 12:13
Half way through the game it will start lagging, the beard phsyics will own that gpu!
Matthew Holliday
March 24, 2015 at 12:17
aye, all performance tests thus far will have been sans beard.
Corrie
March 24, 2015 at 12:27
Means you gonna have to have a hyper threaded cpu to handle it :p
ged it ged it “hyper threaded”
Okay I’ll leave now
Mossel
March 24, 2015 at 12:38
huehuehue
Blood Emperor Trevor
March 24, 2015 at 12:29
See what marvels they can accomplish when they don’t have to worry about animating women correctly!
(Don’t bother telling me about Ciri, I know. It was a joke.)
Blood Emperor Trevor
March 24, 2015 at 12:07
That seals it. I’m not going to send him for a shave at all during the time I play the game. I want him to look like this by the time I’m done:
Mossel
March 24, 2015 at 12:13
Majestic as fuck.
Matthew Holliday
March 24, 2015 at 12:16
the kind of beard that gets tangled in your sword during a fight.
bliss.
Dutch Matrix
March 24, 2015 at 12:18
Wrong. from the depths of that beard, the beard itself will brandish two swords and join the fight…
Matthew Holliday
March 24, 2015 at 12:20
the beard is trying to steal my swords!
cut one strand off, and two more will take its place.
heil hydra
Majik
March 25, 2015 at 09:17
Such a manly beard that wild cats have taken up residence.
Hammersteyn
March 24, 2015 at 12:08
Can I rename Geralt to Duckworth Lewis, people always seems to get fucked when that name is mentioned
Loftus
March 24, 2015 at 12:10
Ek stem Hammersteyn. Ek is nou so moerig!
Ghost In The Rift
March 24, 2015 at 12:42
I am at a loss for words, so close until D/L
Dutch Matrix
March 24, 2015 at 12:08
And yet, beard and all, Geralt is still wishing he was a Krogan…
http://fc04.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/082/9/8/urdnot_wrex_by_gelvuun-d4tnn27.jpg
Ryanza
March 24, 2015 at 12:31
http://i.imgur.com/TCpb3cE.jpg
Dutch Matrix
March 24, 2015 at 13:53
Yes. That is Geralt’s stare of jealousy. “I aint got no quad like a Krogan. Now I has a sad.”
Ryanza
March 24, 2015 at 14:31
Didn’t that Krogan like die in the first game. Plus he looks like something a Witcher would enjoy killing.
Matthew Holliday
March 24, 2015 at 12:11
i too, suffer from “meager beard” disorder :<
Dutch Matrix
March 24, 2015 at 12:13
http://user-cdn.spring.me/photos/20120516/n4fb42ce6bf80d.jpg
Still manlier than Geralt.
Matthew Holliday
March 24, 2015 at 12:18
proof that cthulu exists
Matewis Jubilai
March 24, 2015 at 12:29
I’d love to see him brush his teeth
RinceThis
March 24, 2015 at 12:16
lol
Viking Of Science
March 24, 2015 at 12:19
https://youtu.be/q0kSuZFOwFE
Matthew Holliday
March 24, 2015 at 12:24
@ 1:20
was totally waiting for the “i like big beards ands i cannot lie”
Ryanza
March 24, 2015 at 12:22
The beard will have limits. So don’t expect Gandalf’s beard. I would say Zoltan’s beard length is a safe bet.
http://i.imgur.com/ohy2Rke.jpg
Matthew Holliday
March 24, 2015 at 12:27
Dont support razer blades
Beards are coming.
Matewis Jubilai
March 24, 2015 at 12:28
Hmm that reminds me, I still have to finish a certain game
Sageville
March 24, 2015 at 13:42
That game!
Ryanza
March 24, 2015 at 12:32
http://i.imgur.com/DoUqsuQ.jpg
WitWolfy
March 24, 2015 at 12:32
Nice. Cool in game mechanic.
Ghost In The Rift
March 24, 2015 at 12:35
And my beard down there keeps on growing until i get this game!!0_o
Greylingad
March 24, 2015 at 12:41
The sad thing is that Geralt’s beard will probably still grow faster than mine…even if I shelf the game for a few months….
Lardus-Resident Perve
March 24, 2015 at 12:46
Fear the BEARD!
Ranting Raptor
March 24, 2015 at 13:15
Anybody remember Molly Molly talking about aging in the first fable? Growing a tree… Growing beards… Etc. Why am I getting dejavu?
Ryanza
March 24, 2015 at 13:29
I missed all of that and all of the marketing for Fable. So I liked Fable for what it was, a bit short though.
Well if we don’t get any of the shit CD Projekt RED promised, we can blame it on the language barrier.
z1n
March 24, 2015 at 13:51
Nah, I’m gonna blame it on DRM.
Captain JJ the damned
March 24, 2015 at 13:30
Ryanza mentioned this yesterday. So excellent.
Ryanza
March 24, 2015 at 13:34
Two days ago in the ION comment section.
Sageville
March 24, 2015 at 13:40
But you don’t start out with a beard?
I thought this main character was a man?
z1n
March 24, 2015 at 13:53
Apparently this is the first game that uses DRM to control beard growth!
– Too obvious?
Brady miaau
March 24, 2015 at 14:48
Ok. I want the game. But why this? Great, another article. But I am being overloaded and that has the danger of me not caring
And I thought game is out in May, not next month?
Ryanza
March 24, 2015 at 14:54
No1 keeps track of the time when they have a manly beard. How long did it take to grow that beard? I shaved yesterday cause I’m a man.
I can’t grow a beard but a fucking video game can grow a beard. Fuck that. Plug me into the Matrix. I want my manly beard.
btw 56 days left.
Brady miaau
March 24, 2015 at 14:58
56 days? so May then.
Growing a a beard is easy. Shaving every day, now that is difficult. Well, for me. I hate.
I actually cannot wait. I have not pre-ordered yet, but I well.
And no, Ryanza, I will not buy from gog.com, as much as I support them and their work. I want it for my console. And I want it digitally too. Download, play. no disk. Is disk not DRM?
Ryanza
March 24, 2015 at 15:02
The console disc does not get tired to any account. You can lend or borrow the disc. You sell the disc. The disc has a chance to gain value when retail stops stocking the discs.
Brady miaau
March 24, 2015 at 15:12
And real men shave with axes. That is why real men do not shave in the car.
True Story
Copyright Simon Travaglia
Deceased
March 25, 2015 at 10:20
Didn’t look at the author on the main Lagz page…
Started reading…
All I could think was “Oh god please don’t let it be Zoe who wrote this, please don’t let this be Zoe’s article” …
Not that there’s anything wrong with the article – just that, you know …
“I’ve been resisting the unrelenting urge to shave this bit of fluff on my chin that I like to call a beard”
Avi
March 25, 2015 at 10:58
Is a razor and shaving cream cream coming in the DLC