Flamebait Friday Debate: Zoo Biscuits are an abomination and should be cancelled

2 min read

I was originally going to throw my hat into the ring and discuss difficulty in games this week, but it’s become such an overwrought, thoroughly covered topic in the last few days that it feels like pissing against the wind. Instead – on this dark, rainy and gloomy day (at least here in Johannesburg), I’m going to go with something light and fluffy and completely pointless.

Yesterday I tweeted out my opinions on one of South Africa’s favourite tea-time treats, the venerable, beloved Zoo Biscuit.

” Zoo biscuits are plain, boring-ass biscuits covered in a terrible icing that tastes like soap, with an indistinguishable white scribble on them. Cancel that shit. Don’t @ me. “

They are, to my mind, an abomination that nobody who can tie their own shoelaces should be eating. They’re horrible bits of soapy confection over a bland bit of biscuit, with the same nutritional value as eating raw sugar. When I shared this opinion of what has to be one of the worst commercially available snacks in the whole of South Africa, many took umbrage, telling me in no uncertain terms that my opinion was not just wrong, but that I, as a person, am of little worth to society.

I just can’t fathom it though. Why would any sane, rational grown human eat something that tastes like sugary washing up liquid when there are perfectly respectable things like Eat-Sum-Mors and Tennis Biscuits to be had? so you tell me. Why do you enjoy these things if you do – and if you don;t, what’s a better biscuit?

The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Critical Hit as an organisation.

Last Updated: April 5, 2019