A couple of weeks ago, I was hit with a revelation. I’m blaming Kervyn for this topic entirely, but here’s the gist of it. On Facebook there was a question regarding toilet etiquitte and I’m not even going to dance around this topic with flowery prose and innuendo: Do you wipe your ass standing up or sitting down?
Yes, it is quite possibly the grossest subject matter we’ve ever tackled on a Friday Debate (And it’s not even a slow news day!), regarding personal hygiene and toilet habits. A smelly and foul topic of discussion best reserved for an Adam Sandler movie, but bear with me here. It’s not a question of standers versus sitters here that we’re discussin, but rather that such an option actually exists.
For years, I’ve never thought about it. My preferred method of cleaning my starfish has been the only one I’ve ever thought to use. Not once in my life, have I ever imagined that there was an alternative method for keeping your rusty bottlecap clean. When we discussed this in the Critical Hit office, we were on the verge of civil war thanks to the division that this topic generated.
We wondered how some of us could contort their bodies to wipe the Hershey highway, we were baffled at the physics of spreading your marshmallows for a delivery of TP to your booty flake. It has been an endless topic of discussion here, one that has thoroughly shaken my worldview and left me speechless of just how blind the population is to there being other options on the table.
So what about you? Unless you’re living in the world of Demolition Man where toilet paper has been replaced by three seashells or your’re Japanese and you scoff to the max at our lack of bidets, you have to pick a side. There’s no room for both, the line in the bathroom has been drawn and you have to choose where you stand. Or sit, given the anal exorcism debate we’re about to have.
Are you a sitter, or a stander?
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The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Critical Hit as an organisation.
Last Updated: May 8, 2020