Insult Simulator (2)

What makes a great insult? Maybe the best insult is pure genius in how utterly childish it is:

An insult that sometimes makes zero sense whatsoever on any side of the logic spectrum is also startlingly effective:

Sometimes straight-up viciousness is just the best. Something that Jimmy Carr specialises in particularly:

Point is, a good insult should be cherished. Far from being offensive, great insults are grammatical works of art. Dangerous words which usually elicit the best response from its intended victim and happen to be a showcase of timing, intelligence, and fantastic wordplay. Oh Sir…The Insult Simulator! wants to be that game and while its efforts are commendable, the end result makes me fantasise about headbutting a live chainsaw instead.

Oh Sir (1)

You look at the elements of a good insult, and you’ll find speed, wit and the perfect counter of words to your subject being the key ingredients here. Elements that Oh Sir…The Insult Simulator! is sorely missing. It’s not that the game isn’t trying, as this PS4 port of last year’s PC game at least tries to put up a decent front mechanically. You’ve got 15 seconds to school your opponent in grammatical pain, building threads of words together to form an insult that’ll leave them a quivering mess.

Insult Simulator (4)

An idea like this should work. You should be able to boot up Oh Sir…The Insult Simulator! and have the screen yell at you while comparing you to a bowl of malodorous pustule droppings. For a game which includes a heaping helping of inspiration from Monty Python’s Flying Circus (complete with a dead parrot scenario even), the result is an awkwardly-paced experience that’s about as vicious as a box of puppies.

It’s a shame really because the chances of actually constructing an insult that’s clever and nuanced rarely pops up. More French Knight taunter with its illogical constructs than a scathing Jimmy Carr comeback (like I said, the ratio of weird to clever needs to be just right), Oh Sir…The Insult Simulator! just feels lacklustre once the initial shine quickly wears off.

Oh Sir (5)

Part of this blame can be pointed at the word pool itself, which feels downright tiny and repetitive. How many times can you find insulting your target’s mother of smelling like a shed? Roughly thrice by my last count before I got fed up with it. Oh Sir…The Insult Simulator! is marginally better with a friend or two, although even that appeal wears thin after a few rounds.

Last Updated: May 30, 2017

Oh Sir...The Insult Simulator!
Oh Sir…The Insult Simulator! looks charming, but on a list of things I’d rather be doing instead of playing it, French-kissing a live jackhammer rates higher on my schedule.
Oh Sir...The Insult Simulator! was reviewed on PlayStation 4

Darryn Bonthuys

Something wrong gentlemen? You come here prepared to read the words of a madman, and instead found a lunatic obsessed with comics, Batman and Raul Julia's M Bison performance in the 1994 Street Fighter movie? Fine! Keep your bio! In fact, now might be a good time to pray to it!

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