It’s that time of the year again. Costume shops are sold out, your nostalgia has been reduced to a sexy memory on the wrong body and somebody is going to egg your house if you don;t hand over the candy. Yes, it’s that time-honoured tradition of Halloween, except it has gone global. And that’s awesome.
For kids, Halloween is an excuse to come dangerously close to a free hospital ride to the nearest stomach pump. For adults, it;s either about getting properly smashed while dressed as Yogi Bear or to get some good old-fashioned frights in.
And if you’re looking for a chill, we’ve got your back. As gamez jernalizts, we’ve seen every horror imaginable. We’ve witnessed the terror of an Etihad flight first-hand. We’ve smelt who dealt it. We’ve verbed the adjective. So when we talk scary, we know our stuff.
So here it is: The top five scariest video games of all time. Consider yourselves warned.
Scared? Horrified? Petrified? Good, my work here is done then. And before I close my crypt for the year, always remember:
One, two, the D is coming for you
Three, four, better lock your door
Five, six, grab a bag of dicks
Seven, eight, you better stay awake
Nine, ten, I’m back again…
Also, watch out for Mickey. Utter bastard of a mascot.
Last Updated: October 28, 2015
Alien Emperor Trevor
October 28, 2015 at 15:34
Why do you grab a bag of dicks if The D is coming for you? To get more dicks? Asking for a friend.
Grand Admiral Chief SpaceNinja
October 28, 2015 at 15:42
Her fingers are pretty scary…
Captain JJ the Goo
October 28, 2015 at 15:45
A list would be nice for those who cannot watch YouTube vids at work.
Hammersteyn
October 28, 2015 at 15:46
1. Slender
2. Alien Isolation
3. FFNAF
4. Silent Hill
5. Resident Evil
Captain JJ the Goo
October 28, 2015 at 15:47
Thank you Hammer!
I agree with this list a bit.
The first FEAR deserves a spot…and I never found Resident Evil THAT scary. Even as a kid.
Outlast is also kak scary.
Hammersteyn
October 28, 2015 at 15:47
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA
*RUNS
Captain JJ the Goo
October 28, 2015 at 15:48
Bastard!
Grand Admiral Chief SpaceNinja
October 28, 2015 at 16:02
xD
Alien Emperor Trevor
October 28, 2015 at 15:47
Outlast scared me, and I was watching Rock play it.
Captain JJ the Goo
October 28, 2015 at 15:49
A northern suburbs Afrikaans person, Dwayne Johnson or the guy whose handle is Rock? ;P
Alien Emperor Trevor
October 28, 2015 at 15:50
No, no, we’re not that close.
Captain JJ the Goo
October 28, 2015 at 15:52
Hehehe
Dutch Matrix
October 28, 2015 at 15:50
Is that the one where you skitz about the toilet door, hoping your bowel clenching efforts can outlast your brother’s comic book reading session?
Yeah. That some scary shit man.
Rock789
October 28, 2015 at 17:56
Fun times! 😉
DragonSpirit009
October 28, 2015 at 15:48
Outlast scared me as well… and I wasn’t even playing it!
Captain JJ the Goo
October 28, 2015 at 15:51
Same here.
We played Slender together, a bunch of guys in a pitch black room (I was designated as the person behind the keyboard). We screamed little children.
Alien Emperor Trevor
October 28, 2015 at 15:51
That’s an odd thing to scream.
Captain JJ the Goo
October 28, 2015 at 15:53
Ah, damn it. My mistake. Won’t edit it for lol’s sake.
Though, if we screamed “little children” because there actually appeared some in the room with us it would be a whole different level of scary.
DragonSpirit009
October 28, 2015 at 15:52
I would love to have seen that XD
I watched friend play Slender… I ran out of the room.
Dutch Matrix
October 28, 2015 at 15:53
LITTLE CHILDREN!!!!!! WAAAAAHHHHH!!!!
Captain JJ the Goo
October 28, 2015 at 15:57
*like
Though it has more value now 😉
Rock789
October 28, 2015 at 17:55
You screamed little children? That’s scarier than the game itself! 😉 🙂
Captain JJ the Goo
October 29, 2015 at 07:08
Haha. True
Dutch Matrix
October 28, 2015 at 15:47
No Clive Barker’s Undying? No Splatterhouse? No Singles 2: Triple Trouble?
The D
October 28, 2015 at 15:47
LIES.
Hammersteyn
October 28, 2015 at 15:48
My work here is done XD
oVg
October 28, 2015 at 15:52
You forgot 6. that one will be the death of Darryn… “It was PANTS” 😛
Captain JJ the Goo
October 28, 2015 at 15:54
I thought it was a Spandex Batman suit
oVg
October 28, 2015 at 15:55
That would be Borderlands 2. But as for Shemnu? Sheeesh the dude is playing with fire. I agree with him lol
Geoffrey Tim
October 28, 2015 at 15:45
WHAT?
Brady miaau
October 28, 2015 at 15:57
perhaps you should ask to see them, you know, before we do. Or not.
Geoffrey Tim
October 28, 2015 at 17:22
I treat Darryn’s videos as a Kinder surprise egg – often to my detriment.
Geoffrey Tim
October 28, 2015 at 15:48
YOU ARE SO FUCKING WEIRD.
The D
October 28, 2015 at 15:48
I LEARNT IT FROM YOU!
Alien Emperor Trevor
October 28, 2015 at 15:53
Is it really something you were taught, or is it just that prolonged exposure over time warped your fragile mind?
Hammersteyn
October 28, 2015 at 15:50
0:53 Don’t tell anyone what you saw here.
I must agree
DragonSpirit009
October 28, 2015 at 15:50
And this is the part where I slowly walk away in case the weirdness is infectious.
Hammersteyn
October 28, 2015 at 15:51
Cant believe Darryn spray painted a pug blue
Captain JJ the Goo
October 28, 2015 at 15:54
I can believe that
The D
October 28, 2015 at 15:59
Right…spray-painted. Yes, I certainly didn’t tattoo it.
oVg
October 28, 2015 at 16:01
…
oVg
October 28, 2015 at 15:51
BWAHAHAHA That video was funny as fcuk.
Dutch Matrix
October 28, 2015 at 15:53
Then you doing fcuk wrong…
Captain JJ the Goo
October 28, 2015 at 15:57
Resident Evil is a bit like Tobasco Sauce.
It’s the go-to choice.
And sure it stings a bit, but there are worse ones out there.
Alien Emperor Trevor
October 28, 2015 at 15:57
Those are some fun movies.
oVg
October 28, 2015 at 15:59
YES all 2 minutes and 27 seconds of the nude Milla Jovovich FTW. I sped up the rest.
Alien Emperor Trevor
October 28, 2015 at 16:01
BOING
Captain JJ the Goo
October 28, 2015 at 16:05
Only 2 min and 27 seconds?
Alien Emperor Trevor
October 28, 2015 at 16:06
A new record!
Captain JJ the Goo
October 28, 2015 at 16:07
LOL
oVg
October 28, 2015 at 16:07
I added them all together.
Captain JJ the Goo
October 28, 2015 at 16:09
LOL
oVg
October 28, 2015 at 15:57
RE6 was like Aromat
Captain JJ the Goo
October 28, 2015 at 15:58
LOL
RE5 wasn’t great either. Like the green Tobasco Sauce.
oVg
October 28, 2015 at 16:00
RE4 was the SPUR secret sauce, half the bottle on chips.
Captain JJ the Goo
October 28, 2015 at 16:01
All you’ve done now is made me crave for that sauce OVER EVERYTHING IN MY PLATE
Dutch Matrix
October 28, 2015 at 16:10
I had some yesterday on my onion rings. Now my legs are all wobbly from farting non-stop for more than 24 hourns
oVg
October 28, 2015 at 16:14
best feeling ever
Dutch Matrix
October 28, 2015 at 16:17
Not when you sitting in a performance review with your manager…
oVg
October 28, 2015 at 16:19
lol
Captain JJ the Goo
October 28, 2015 at 16:21
Just tell them it was only supposed to be a small fart, but you don’t do things half-arsed.
Rock789
October 28, 2015 at 18:06
Pun intended? 😉
Captain JJ the Goo
October 29, 2015 at 07:08
XD
Captain JJ the Goo
October 28, 2015 at 16:16
I don’t know if it’s just me, but these comments the last hour have all had my laughing.
Dutch Matrix
October 28, 2015 at 16:20
Your command of Chingrish is astonishing!
Captain JJ the Goo
October 28, 2015 at 16:21
I’m typing really fast today because I’m trying to get work done on my one screen and commenting on Lagz on the other.
Rock789
October 28, 2015 at 18:05
Hopefully not after the waiters have left a little present for you in the bottle… o_O
CypherGate
October 28, 2015 at 16:01
Resident Evil 2 was my first horror game that I ever played and it scared the shit out of me. Then Silent Hill. Hell… That was a whole other level for me. If I look at Resident Evil 2 now. Its scary, but like you say its like Tobasco Sauce. Stings a bit, but there are worst ones. Oh lets not forget Resident Evil 4 re-ignited my scared levels at the time.
Captain JJ the Goo
October 28, 2015 at 16:03
The first FEAR was excellent imo. But the second and third were both terrible.
But the first FEAR was so much more than just a horror game. It was a decent shooter too.
CypherGate
October 28, 2015 at 16:06
Thats true. The second FEAR game was quite scary for me though. Actually to be more specific the very first 15mins of the game was. After that it kinda mellowed out.
Captain JJ the Goo
October 28, 2015 at 16:06
Yes. Agreed. That first bit was decent enough.
CypherGate
October 28, 2015 at 15:58
I think Deadspace 1 should be one of the top ones. That game freaked me the hell out on MANY occasions. Playing with the lights off. Complete silence and Virtual surround sound headphones and I was in a world that made me shit the place full.
Captain JJ the Goo
October 28, 2015 at 15:59
YES! Forgot about that one.
DS was damn excellent.
GooseZA
October 28, 2015 at 16:00
This.
Captain JJ the Goo
October 28, 2015 at 16:04
It’s one of the few horror games (along with FEAR) that I’ve replayed because I missed that atmosphere and the scares.
Rock789
October 29, 2015 at 07:18
Ah, Deadspace 1… So true. Still one of the best out there!
Generic ZA
October 28, 2015 at 16:16
Hehe, for some people the price tag stuck on the packaging is the scariest thing about a game these days. ;P
But once you’re in the game and stumble upon a corridor like this in a horror game, you just know that the proverbial poo is going to hit the fan.
Grand Admiral Chief SpaceNinja
October 28, 2015 at 16:23
Half Life 2….the fast zombies. Freaked me out the first time
Captain JJ the Goo
October 28, 2015 at 16:25
Ravenholm was moer scary that first time.
Martin Human
October 28, 2015 at 16:59
Nah guys, scariest games ever? The original Thief, the part in the old haunted cathedral. Second, Call of Cthulu dark corners of the earth. Amnesia also deserves a spot
Rock789
October 29, 2015 at 07:16
Well, that Top 5 was… absolutely frightening! In a weird, what the hell was that, kinda way… o_O