Call me…Snaaaaaaake. If you ever wanted to find former 1980s action star Kurt Russel at his best during his heyday, then you’d have to look no further than any movie he starred in which happened to have John Carpenter behind the camera. The Thing and Big Trouble in Little China are prime examples of this, but its Escape From New York that made him a household name.
It’s a classic movie, somehow relevant once again in the turbulent times of today and still worth a watch. So of course it was bound to get a remake. Work on a new version of the further adventures of the most lethal one-eyed Snake around have been in the pipeline for ages, with The Wrap reportedly having gained access to some of the story beats and details that’ll pop up in this remake. Take it with a pinch of salt, but according to their sources:
Snake Plissken’s real name will be revealed
Don’t get too excited. He’s known as Colonel Robert “Snake” Plissken in this version.
There’s a new villain in town
And he won’t be a riff on Isaac Haye’s classic Duke of New York. Instead, Snake will have to deal with Thomas Newton, who The Wrap describes as “the playboy heir to an agrochemical and biotech corporation”.
New York City isn’t a devastated wasteland that doubles as maximum security prison
Instead, New York City has never looked better. It’s clean, surrounded by magnificent skyscrapers and is run entirely by an AI system called April which takes the form of a young woman as the staff behind her monitor every single action taken within the city. Yeah, big brother where art thou indeed. Eve worse? April’s security isn’t as flawless as you’d think it is.
The rest of the world isn’t doing so well
While New York may be a beacon of hope and peace, one in every seventy-five other humans on the planet is considered to be a refugee who seeks asylum as the world has fallen to chaos.
Stand back, there’s a hurricane coming
And I’m not talking about the former WWE wrestler. Instead, a super-storm will threaten the world, dubbed Ellery.
Snake has very little time to complete his mission
The original Escape From New York gave Snake 22 hours to get the job done. In the remake, he’ll have 11 hours instead.
Newton has a backup plan
Tasked with retrieving Newton from New York, Snake will have to deal with his failsafe plan: Fatboy, a “ominous, dull metal sphere about the size of a car, in a nest of conduits and cabling”.
Sounds…interesting? Look, it’s weird to not see New York City as a piss-stained hellhole that is home to the dregs of humanity, but maybe that’s because the city kind of already is that. Going in a completely opposite direction could give this remake an identity that it needs to avoid being compared too much to the original film.
Although all it really needs is a likable lead, a well-timed one-liner and a few explosions to make me happy. And a cool eye-patch. The eye-patch is mandatory. I’ll proper riot if the reboot skips out on that. Actually, I’m lying. This entire setup sounds awful. Call me Snake, and a taxi away from this reboot.
Last Updated: December 6, 2016
Alien Emperor Trevor
December 6, 2016 at 21:57
40 Insane Frogs
December 6, 2016 at 23:58
Lol it sounds… pretty shit tbh!
December 7, 2016 at 07:01
Even the first one was kak.