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Golden Globes? I Couldn’t Be Arsed

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There is no valid reason to sit through an awards ceremony. Well, actually there are three: you are nominated, you paid for the whole thing or you work as a caterer. Nobody else has any need to attend to these things. Nobody even has reason to pay attention. If you could bottle pointless self-importance and spill it on a red carpet, an awards ceremony will grow from the spot.

Don’t get me wrong: I like it when stuff I enjoy gets the nod. The numerous Emmys that Breaking Bad finally picked up vindicated my belief that it is a great show (and got it the audience to reach five seasons). But I was already watching it, so I don’t care. Likewise, I am so glad that Kelsey Grammer, Katey Sagal, Ian McShane and Steve Buscemi got well-deserved nods. But I knew they were good beforehand. The Globes taught me nothing.

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Ditto for the Oscars and Grammies. I have not discovered a new show or song because it won something. Instead such gems are discovered by exploring opinions and new releases. If awards are your way of finding new stuff to watch, you have an awful entertainment diet. I bet you also have a NOW compilation CD in your car and Dan Browne books on your shelf. You think Big Bang Theory is actually something other than comedy retread. Not that there is anything wrong with that. It’s just that you are a Philistine and likely to bring McDonalds to a dinner party. Or maybe it’s just me. But suffice to say, I won’t be making notes of your film suggestions.

Awards are nice and they have some purpose. Like I said before, it’s about damn time Steve Buscemi is recognised for his acting chops. But that is it. If you are anxiously waiting for the results of the Golden Globes (or any of these retarded ceremonies), you are either being paid to or you are hopelessly caught in a vortex of entertainment hype and hyperbole. And you are watching a good show not because of finely-honed sensibilities of what you like, but because someone gave it something shiny.

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So really, this rant is not about awards. It’s about the idiots who follow awards. You are sad and an insult to anyone who takes pleasure from the sampling and gorging all that modern video entertainment provides. If you approach music this way, I won’t be able to share a car ride with you. You probably know all the lyrics to the new Black Eyed Peas and LMFAO songs. I hate you already.

The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Critical Hit as an organisation.

Last Updated: January 16, 2012

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