Guilty Pleasures – The FP

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Every once in a while, a film comes along that changes the face of cinema forever. A film so revolutionary, that all movies will imitate it for years afterwards, desperately trying to reach that same benchmark.

The FP is like that, except the exact opposite. And it has to be the one of the best worst films ever made.

Set in a post-apocalyptic future of who the hell knows when exactly, one strip of land, Fraser Park is dominated by two rival gangs. Deciding to settle their differences and see who deserves control of the FP once and for all, the 248 and 245 gangs battle each other in a dance-off, in a game of Beat Beat Revolution.

B-TRO, leader of the noble 248 gang takes on 245 leader L-DUBBA-E, in a match for the ages, dancing so hard, that his HEART STOPS, leaving the 245 as the champions.

B-TRO’s younger protege, J-TRO, ashamed at the loss, leaves the FP, only to return a year later to challenge L-DUBBA-E. But does he have the skills to reclaim his mantle, win the girl and save the FP, or is he doomed to wind up a dead chump like his bro did?

Imagine every single cheesy sports film from the 80s, rounded up, condensed and then liquidised into one 90 minute spectacle of cliches, and you’d have the FP.

It’s got it all. Cheesy music, bad fashion, montage training scenes, a villain that you’ll really hate, a badly realised love story and almost as many F-bombs as the South Park movie.

It’ so unbelievably bad on so many levels, but the beauty of the film, is that it’s done intentionally. It’s a parody of the highest level, but you won’t find odd easter eggs in the background, or snappy dialogue to drive home that point.

It’s all portrayed with a face more serious than Clint Eastwood with an angry face on a bad day, and it really works for the film. It’s 90 minutes of absolute drivel, but so help me, I think this may be the greatest film of the year.

Why did the set designers choose to dress J-TRO up as Snake Plissken with big floppy clown boots? Who knows, but at least he doesn’t sport the same style as L-DUBBA-E, who comes off as a mix between Zangief from Street Fighter and a pimp.

And technically, the film is actually pretty decent. Action moves well, the music, while unbelievably techno, works brilliantly and the actors present deserve an Oscar for keeping a straight face on during the film.

And I love this film. It’s got a script that’s more predictable than a Baysplosion, cheesier than a deluxe pizza and will most likely scar you with its bad dialogue and repugnant characters.

But it’s done so honestly, that it winds up as a brilliant example of a serious parody.

Last Updated: July 4, 2012

Darryn Bonthuys

Something wrong gentlemen? You come here prepared to read the words of a madman, and instead found a lunatic obsessed with comics, Batman and Raul Julia's M Bison performance in the 1994 Street Fighter movie? Fine! Keep your bio! In fact, now might be a good time to pray to it!

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