No, this first trailer for HERCULES: THE LEGEND BEGINS is not just a missing episode of Spartacus

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Much like recent Hollywood throwdowns, we’ll soon be witnessing the battle of the Herculeses – Herculii? – between the Brett Ratner directed Hercules and the Renny Harlin helmed Hercules: The Legend Begins. The former boasts the charisma, muscles and eyebrow of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson in the title role, while Harlin’s flick could only score Twilight alum Kellan Lutz, famous for being one of the world’s best impersonators of blocks of wood. With muscles.

But Harlin is the guy that gave us Die Hard 2, so there must be something good to this movie, right? Wrong. Oh, so very wrong.

In Ancient Greece 1200 B.C., a queen succumbs to the lust of Zeus to bear a son promised to overthrow the tyrannical rule of the king and restore peace to a land in hardship. But this prince, Hercules, knows nothing of his real identity or his destiny. He desires only one thing: the love of Hebe, Princess of Crete, who has been promised to his own brother. When Hercules learns of his greater purpose, he must choose: to flee with his true love or to fulfill his destiny and become the true hero of his time. The story behind one of the greatest myths is revealed in this action-packed epic – a tale of love, sacrifice and the strength of the human spirit.

So when they hired Spartacus‘ Liam McIntyre for this, was it like a package deal where the also threw in the green screen sets, costumes and production values of his old show? Because I’m pretty sure that I’ve seen high school productions that looks more polished than that. Horrible and distracting VFX, actors with as much talent as you would normally find on a infomercial for a revolutionary new mop and the blatant ripping off of lines and shots from other sword and sandal pics. What type of bad life choices has Renny Harlin made to get him to this point?

I must admit, one thing that I liked about the trailer is how this film is in no doubts whatsoever as to the skillset of its leading man, giving Lutz only about three lines of dialogue throughout the entire three-minute long trailer. The rest of the time, he just stands around looking like he’s about to sprout new buds for Spring.

Now I’ve never had much love for Brett Ratner (read: I think he’s terrible), but I think it’s safe to say that as long as he’s got a bigger budget than The Rock’s average protein filled lunch, he’s got this competition in the bag.

Hercules: The Legend Begins will hit cinemas in cheap, 3-dimensional glory, some time in March, 2014.

Last Updated: October 14, 2013

Kervyn Cloete

A man of many passions - but very little sleep - I've been geeking out over movies, video games, comics, books, anime, TV series and lemon meringues as far back as I can remember. So show up for the geeky insight, stay for the delicious pastries.

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