Steve Urkel is coming back to TV, please kill me now

Yes, I know it’s for one episode and in animated form but your face is only for one TV and in animated form. Maybe you were too young to be around during the dark days of TV entertainment, maybe you’ve got PTSD that thankfully buries the memories of a more awful era deep within your subconscious right next to that cluster of repression detailing the time you took a bath with your cousin when you were young.

But for those of you who never experienced true horror, let me sum it up for you in two words: Steve Urkel. You’d know that this horseman of the apocalypse would be coming on an episode of Family Matters, when the moon turned to blood and your pets would begin carving their way through doors in a futile attempt to avoid the terror that was coming.

Carl Winslow, trapped in a hell of his own making and unable to escape, would watch his blood pressure spike and pray that he’d finally get a heart attack which would give him the sweet release of death. In would stride Steve Urkel, his nasally voice piercing your ears and several dimensional barriers, creating a moment of nerdiness so hefty in its sheer dorkiness that it threatened to fold reality itself into a singularity of geek.

A hare-brained scheme would be launched, hijinks of the wacky variety would ensue and Urkel would utter his dreaded catchphrase? DID I DOOOOOOO THAAAAAAAAAAAT? The captive audience would shriek with laughter, bleeding from every orifice as dark magic compelled them to chuckle at the most inane jokes possible.

Look, maybe I’m being harsh on actor Jaleel White (who actually deserves kudos for all his post-Family Matters acting and being the one true voice of Sonic the Hedgehog), but Steve Urkel is the kind of relic that you wish that you could leave behind in the past, like dial-up internet and Crystal Pepsi. He’s unfortunately making a comeback, as the latest Scooby Doo TV series features a new twist: Those meddling kids solving mysteries but with guest stars attached. Like Batman, Bill Nye and Ricky Gervais. No I am not making this up. Won’t anyone please think of the children?

So like yoinks man. Did I like do that? SHUT UP SHAGGY YOU’RE JUST AS BAD EVEN WHEN YOU’RE NOT FLEXING 1% OF YOUR TRUE POWER.

Scooby-Doo and Guess Who kicks off on June 27. Here’s a sneak peek at the show, that features Wanda Sykes teaming up with the gang.

Scooby and the Mystery Inc. gang meet Wanda Sykes, who is helping save a bunch of cute, fuzzy animals up for adoption in a large pet supply store. When a crazy monster egg hatches a monster in the pet store’s back room, our heroes and Wanda must not only save the store and the animals, but their own lives!

New episodes of “Scooby-Doo and Guess Who?” will be available to stream on Boomerang and on VRV. Episodes will roll out every Thursday featuring a different celebrity guest star until Thursday, September 19

Last Updated: July 12, 2019