Home Entertainment The Justice League Snyder Cut is really happening, and now I have to live up to my end of the bargain

The Justice League Snyder Cut is really happening, and now I have to live up to my end of the bargain

2 min read
44

Bat Nom (18)

Oh you damn nerds, you’ve done it. Years of campaigning, badly written petitions and nagging have finally paid off, because you’re getting the Zack Snyder version of Justice League. Whether that results in a fantastic dream coming true or a sour reality of there being two awful Justice League movies, I’m not too worried. Believe it or not, I’m actually happy about this and I hope it closes the book on a very weird chapter in the DC Comics Extended Cinematic Too Damn Long Title Universe.

After all, there’s nothing in life that a cheque for $30 million can’t solve. What does piss me off, is my own hubris. For years, the fan demand for the Snyder Cut has usually been met with a reality check, as the proposed cut of Snyder’s original vision for Justice League existed as an unfinished project that was still missing a ton of visual effects work, dialogue and scenes.

Technically speaking, the Snyder Cut still doesn’t exist. Warner Bros. is throwing cash at the director to finish his version of the film, which will then be released on HBO Max as its own film. Technicalities aside, I’m still a man of my word and after having spent the last couple of years claiming that I would literally eat one of my Batman cowls if this movie was ever made, I’ve now realised that it’s time to pay up. I hope you’re all freakin’ happy with yourselves for calling me to account for my actions and deliver, you bastards.

Right, let’s see what’s in the fridge. Aha! A spare Arkham Origins cowl, ready to be served up.

Bat Nom (6)

You can apparently do this at a medium heat, but I feel the best way to really cook the vinegar sweat that has fused with the rubber is to go for a high burn on a gas stove:

Bat Nom (13)

I’m unfortunately out of Tabasco sauce, but I do have a decent selection of Nandos, which should mask the flavour of unfiltered parental abandonment and the urge to perform dental surgery on homicidal clowns via fist-based methods:

Bat Nom (11)

One cooked bat-cowl, served well done. Just like Jason Todd when he tried to stop a bomb with his face.

Bat Nom (15)

Let me just reiterate, how much I hate all of you right now for forcing me to uphold my end of the deal.

Bat Nom (3)

Oh man, all I taste is rubber, an urge to dress young children in bright colours so that they can distract thugs with guns and there’s an odour of latex nipples to this concoction.

Bat Nom (1)

I’m nibbling on this damn thing as if it were scenery when Uma Thurman was in a chewy mood on the set of Batman & Robin.

Bat Nom (2)

And done! Now if you’ll excuse me I need to hit the bat-loo. Huh, so that’s how the original cut of Justice League was made.

Justice-toilet

Tune in next week, when I boldly declare that I’ll pick a fight with Mike Tyson if Warner Bros. ever makes an Ambush Bug movie.

Last Updated: May 21, 2020

44 Comments

  1. Bat-Nom-3 is an image that will forever bring joy to me. That expression. The cold, dark, hatred I can feel emanating from those eyes.

    You’re almost ready to be a bat-villain. Almost.

    Reply

  2. Iskape

    May 21, 2020 at 14:09

    I wonder what Bat tastes like. Rubbery, cold, artificial, etc.

    Reply

    • Pariah

      May 21, 2020 at 14:09

      Not to mention the diseases.

      Reply

      • Iskape

        May 21, 2020 at 14:14

        You know what. I was going to refer to that small caveat, but then I though: Maybe I’m being insensitive to out situation.

        Reply

        • Pariah

          May 21, 2020 at 14:14

          Well that thing’s been to so many conventions, rooms full of sweaty people, and none of us can be certain if Darryn has taken it through the proper sterilisation protocols…

          Reply

          • The D

            May 21, 2020 at 14:26

            That cowl has soaked in so many juices, it should be sealed in a concrete bunker.

          • Iskape

            May 21, 2020 at 14:26

            True that. I never considered that context!

  3. Yozzie

    May 21, 2020 at 14:14

    HONK!

    Reply

  4. LegionZA

    May 21, 2020 at 14:14

    This is how villians are created

    Reply

  5. CrAiGiSh

    May 21, 2020 at 15:43

    Better love story than Twilight.

    Reply

    • Hammersteyn

      May 21, 2020 at 16:30

      Twilight had a story?

      Reply

      • CrAiGiSh

        May 21, 2020 at 16:30

        If you think that’s crazy … apparently they based off a book …

        Reply

  6. BradeLunner

    May 21, 2020 at 16:58

    Your debt has been paid in full

    Reply

  7. MechMachine

    May 21, 2020 at 13:49

    LOL….

    Reply

  8. Original Heretic

    May 21, 2020 at 14:02

    Hats off to ya, D!
    You even had my little boy laughing at those pics.
    Granted, me canning myself might have something to do with it.

    Reply

  9. Caveshen Rajman

    May 21, 2020 at 14:09

    This actually has a better story than the original JL.

    Reply

  10. Hammersteyn

    May 21, 2020 at 14:09

    • Pariah

      May 21, 2020 at 16:23

      Question: Is drinking pineapple beer while eating pizza considered as eating pineapple on pizza?

      Reply

      • MaSeKind

        May 21, 2020 at 16:23

        Depends on if you drink it after taking a bite of pizza. If you do it before it’s more like pizza on pineapple

        Reply

        • Pariah

          May 21, 2020 at 16:30

          Does it really make a difference? Once you start chewing it’s the same thing.

          Reply

          • MaSeKind

            May 21, 2020 at 16:49

            No, both is equally disgusting

          • Pariah

            May 21, 2020 at 16:49

            Well I can’t say – never had pineapple beer.

            Though pineapple on pizza is delicious, so maybe it’d work.

          • Yozzie

            May 21, 2020 at 16:49

            I’ve had strawberry beer and it was frikkin amazing

          • Pariah

            May 21, 2020 at 16:49

            Yeah I like strawberries so I can imagine that. Pineapple seems far too acidic.

          • Pariah

            May 21, 2020 at 16:49

            Well I can’t say – never had pineapple beer.

            Though pineapple on pizza is delicious, so maybe it’d work.

  11. HairyEwok

    May 21, 2020 at 14:14

    So wait, you just technically ate a bat….. CORONA VIRUS!

    Reply

    • Pariah

      May 21, 2020 at 14:26

      Actually, technically he “ate” a rubber cowl. It’s only metaphorically speaking that he ate a bat.

      Reply

  12. MechMachine

    May 21, 2020 at 14:14

    Did everyone take note of the toilet paper in the bathroom ?

    Reply

    • Hammersteyn

      May 21, 2020 at 14:26

      jurnalism pays well

      Reply

      • MechMachine

        May 21, 2020 at 14:26

        I think we should plan a heist, just in case.

        Reply

  13. Kervyn Cloete

    May 21, 2020 at 14:26

    EXTRA MILD!!!

    Reply

    • Yozzie

      May 21, 2020 at 14:26

      I see he still has habanero chillies PTSD

      Reply

      • The D

        May 21, 2020 at 14:36

        lol dude, those days are done and dusted. Never again. Strongest stuff I’ve got currently is Sriracha sauce.

        Reply

        • Hammersteyn

          May 21, 2020 at 16:42

          Sriracha is delicious. I like the hot stuff. The GF always laughs when I’m sweating through my bald scalp.

          Reply

          • Pariah

            May 21, 2020 at 16:49

            It still amazes me that Sriracha can make anyone sweat at all. That stuff is so mild.

          • Yozzie

            May 21, 2020 at 19:58

            I would ace the Hot Ones show xD

          • Pariah

            May 21, 2020 at 20:03

            Yeah likewise lol. By the end I’d be sweating, but 2 million scoville units would do that to anyone really.

          • Hammersteyn

            May 21, 2020 at 19:58

            I meant hotter than Sriracha. She bought me a bottle of African Ghost Pepper Sauce from her convant… I mean friend.

          • Pariah

            May 21, 2020 at 19:58

            Ah, just a bit of a misread on my part. Carry on then. 😀

          • Yozzie

            May 21, 2020 at 20:03

            Mild sauce to me is this stuff I found in the gluten free area in Spar. Makes for great chicken wing basting.
            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ee259d28f3110abb6ea549d092088446fdf98ffdc2c65d89f11da54146bafaa0.png

    • The D

      May 21, 2020 at 14:36

      I’ve got nothing to prove! I like my sauce mild and I’m proud of that!

      Reply

      • Pariah

        May 21, 2020 at 16:49

        Nandos is still a great choice for flavour, regardless of the burn level.

        Reply

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