This first teaser trailer for THE EXPENDABLES 3 will erase your identity

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We will be the first to admit that when we go to see an Expendables movie, we’re not there to get caught up in complicated stories or get welled up with emotion (The only emotion we expect is “explosion”. Yes, that’s an emotion). The biggest draw by far is just seeing all these classic big name action heroes together on screen, and this first teaser trailer for The Expendables 3 totally gets that. Well, kind of.

In “The Expendables 3,” Barney (Stallone), Christmas (Statham) and the rest of the team comes face-to-face with Conrad Stonebanks (Gibson), who years ago co-founded The Expendables with Barney. Stonebanks subsequently became a ruthless arms trader and someone who Barney was forced to kill… or so he thought. Stonebanks, who eluded death once before, now is making it his mission to end The Expendables — but Barney has other plans. Barney decides that he has to fight old blood with new blood, and brings in a new era of Expendables team members, recruiting individuals who are younger, faster and more tech-savvy. The latest mission becomes a clash of classic old-school style versus high-tech expertise in the Expendables’ most personal battle yet.

Sylvester Stallone! Jason Statham! Jet Li! Dolph Lundgren! Randy Couture! Terry Crews! Arnold Schwarzenegger! Wesley Snipes! Antonio Banderas! Mel Gibson! Harrison Ford! Kellan Lutz? Ronda Rousey? Two of these are not like the others.

Being a massive MMA fan, I at least know for sure that Rousey can fight, although her acting is unproven. And being a massive non-fan of really bad movies, I at least know for sure that Lutz can grunt… and flex… but never at the same time. And his acting is definitely proven. Proven to be really, really bad.

Not that cultured thespian skills are really the prerequisite for this movie franchise though! We’re here for some classic 80’s action movie quips, absurdly big explosions, and hilarious nostalgic nods, and there’s definitely the potential for that. New director Patrick Hughes has his work cut out for him though, as Expendables 2 got that mix just about perfect, resulting in one of the most fun experiences you can have in a cinema that doesn’t involve midgets and bacon grease.

The Expendables 3 will be shooting your cinema in the face and then making a punny crack about it on August 15, 2014.

Last Updated: December 20, 2013

Kervyn Cloete

A man of many passions - but very little sleep - I've been geeking out over movies, video games, comics, books, anime, TV series and lemon meringues as far back as I can remember. So show up for the geeky insight, stay for the delicious pastries.

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