Home Features 5 Reasons why Metal Gear Survive is a better game than Death Stranding

5 Reasons why Metal Gear Survive is a better game than Death Stranding

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Death-Stranding-vs-Metal-Gear-Survive

At the time of writing this post, Death Stranding is about to be unleashed on the world. If you’ve been following the gaming industry for any length of time you’ve probably heard of it: A Hideo Kojima-led game that stars you as the world’s worst courier having to get around a land that has been thoroughly twatted by the unliving very dead.

It has hype, it has mystery and it has many famous faces lurking inside of it like some sort of morbid take on Hollywood squares. Being that this is a new game that is being marketed to hell and back, the reptile portion of your brain that releases dopamine whenever its subjected to bright lights and video game developers talking nonsense is probably flaring up right now.

I’m here to tell you that if you are thinking about purchasing Death Stranding…Then you’re an idiot. You’re once again falling for one of the oldest tricks in video game as Sony seeks to make a quick sixty bucks off of your gullible ass. The real kicker here? There exists a far superior video game that you can have right now, by the name of Metal Gear Survive. It’s essentially the best of Hideo Kojima without Hideo Kojima, the second-best Metal Gear game of all time and better in every single way.

So before you go full keyboard warrior in the comments section below, allow me to do you a public service and reveal six reasons why Metal Gear Survive is the better game.

Consistent scoring

sCORE

You take a gander at Death Stranding’s scores right now and they’re more divided than an American festival for gun-loving liberals seeking to open their borders up. There’s this absolutely horrid diversity of opinion between so-called professionals, each one hemming and hawing between Death Stranding being pure Kojima wankery turned up to 11 or Death Stranding being the greatest thing in human history since some neanderthal started burning his bread on an open fire.

Metal Gear Survive on the other hand, is almost universally loathed and feared by anyone who played it. There’s an overwhelmingly negative reception to the game by journalists, which according to science means that it’s the greatest game of all time. It’s like the Star Citizen of video games except that its actually complete and your money won’t be pissed away on feature creep technologies by a collection of madmen distracted by shiny new software.

And I think we all know that games journalists cannot be trusted, thus leading to a mathematical equation that anything that is bad is automatically good and vice versa. Hell, I should know, as I just used my money from Activision to purchase a yacht, which I’ve christened the SS 8.5/10 Literally Unplayable.

No celebrities

If you need more science on your side, how’s this for a head-scratcher: The more celebrities you have in a video game, the worse it becomes. John Woo’s Stranglehold? Not even Chow-Yun Fat’s chubby acrobatics could save that game from disaster. Brutal Legend? Come back to me when they make an action video game with real musicians, like that Friday girl and Justin Bieber. And to once again flog a dead horse, Star Citizen’s single-player campaign has so many famous faces inside of it that you’d swear that you were at a comic book convention, surrounded by sweaty nerds and past-their prime actors desperate to charge you cash for their scrawl on a photo.

Death Stranding is crawling with celebrities as well, from a man who should be spending more time getting Boondock Saints 3 made to some Spanish director who admittedly directed the greatest movie of all time, Pacific Rim. Metal Gear Survive on the other hand, is completely devoid of such talent. It’s a game that employs the typical layer of Japanese overacting and then points a gun at a who’s available cast of voice actors to get the job done or die trying, which of course meant that the rest of the budget was poured into making a good game. Science, bitches.

Cheap as chips

No matter where you go, Death Stranding is going to be a pricy bit of PlayStation first-party tosh. At a staggering $60 or a thousand Randelas, that’s a bitter pill to swallow for what’s essentially Hideo Kojima Waxes Lyrical: The Movie. On top of that you’ve got the usual bundle deal that wants you to pay more for a bunch of added guff, further driving you into debt and making your parents wonder where they went so wrong in the first place. If only they’d bought you stock in Pepsi Cola instead of an Xbox console, they might have a child that they could be proud of.

Metal Gear Survive though? You can grab that for a song and a dance these days. Steam has it up for grabs for less than half the price of Kojima’s walking simulator, whereas Xbox and PC players can grab the game for free on an Xbox Game Pass deal. Which in itself, is a stupidly good bargain when compared to waiting three years for Death Stranding to be a PlayStation 5 freebie on PS Plus. On a quick sidenote, check out my new yacht I just bought after a generous donation from a service that rhymes with Sexbox Shame Grass:

SS-Sellout

No Geoff Keighley

Jeff-Keighley

True story: If you stand in front of a mirror and say “Hideo Kojima” three times, Geoff Keighley will appear to tell you that he knows the guy. No matter where Kojima has been, Keighley has been there like some sort of Candyman only he’s more annoying than actually scary with his constant reminder that he knows Kojima. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if Kojima has to install cameras in his room so that he can be alerted every time Keighley tries to surgically attach himself to the fella’s side like some sort of conjoined fecal twin.

But what does Keighley have to say about Metal Gear Survive? Absolutely zilch. Nothing. Nada. Because Metal Gear Survive butchers the remains of Metal Gear Solid V and gets away with suckering people out of their cash because the two game titles have more rhyming skill than Pitbull, Keighley has mercifully been absent from spreading his PR wankery. Just as god intended.

No babies

Crying Baby

Look if I wanted to deal with babies, I’d play some Call of Duty ground assault and leave the teamspeak on. We’re all well aware that children are the future, which is why we have to stop them now. Metal Gear Survive may task you with doing a lot of things to…survive, but cradling your Dualshock controller as if it were a helpless infant and rocking it to sleep every time it goes off isn’t one of them.

Death Stranding might as well take place on an airplane for all the screaming foetus action it throws at you, something that Metal Gear Survive mercifully had the good sense to avoid.

Last Updated: November 7, 2019

43 Comments

  1. Last time I checked Xbox gamepass wasn’t a free service…take your sepository and chill bra

    Reply

  2. Carter

    November 8, 2019 at 02:52

    “It’s got a little something for everyone!”

    ~ IGN (that little something this time is a funky fetus)

    Reply

  3. Carter

    November 8, 2019 at 02:52

    “It’s got a little something for everyone!”

    ~ IGN (that little something this time is a funky fetus)

    Reply

  4. Jay Jabrolsky

    November 8, 2019 at 04:55

    A good laugh for the day.

    Death Stranding does look not look like my cup of piss. I prefer my video games with more than 19% actual engagement and game. I slightly enjoyed MGSV before I got bored and shunted it, but seeing the credits after every mission was hilarious and really started grating.

    Reply

  5. Jay Jabrolsky

    November 8, 2019 at 04:55

    A good laugh for the day.

    Death Stranding does look not look like my cup of piss. I prefer my video games with more than 19% actual engagement and game. I slightly enjoyed MGSV before I got bored and shunted it, but seeing the credits after every mission was hilarious and really started grating.

    Reply

  6. Kaz Miller

    November 7, 2019 at 20:36

    Hhahahaha!! Made my entire week <3

    Reply

  7. Son of Banana Jim

    November 7, 2019 at 20:36

    5 reasons why Bovril is better than Marmite! ?

    Reply

    • HvR

      November 7, 2019 at 20:36

      1. Because it doesn’t taste like a yeast infection
      2. Because it doesn’t taste like a yeast infection
      3. Because it doesn’t taste like a yeast infection
      4. Because it doesn’t taste like a yeast infection
      5. Because it doesn’t taste like a yeast infection

      Reply

      • Original Heretic

        November 8, 2019 at 03:34

        You’ve…tasted yeast infection?

        A real man!!

        Reply

      • Son of Banana Jim

        November 8, 2019 at 03:34

        Wow… I don’t want to know

        Reply

    • The D

      November 7, 2019 at 20:37

      I only need one reason:

      It’s not Marmite.

      Reply

  8. Son of Banana Jim

    November 7, 2019 at 20:36

    You should have gone the full buzzfeed route with each reason hyperlinked to a seperate page. Hahaha

    Reply

    • Geoffrey Tim

      November 7, 2019 at 20:37

      With a gif between each

      Reply

      • HvR

        November 8, 2019 at 03:34

        And then fire Darryn and get a couple of free interns in his place?

        Reply

        • The D

          November 8, 2019 at 09:36

          Newsflash: I’m actually three baby interns sitting on each other’s shoulders and covered by a trenchcoat.

          Reply

      • Son of Banana Jim

        November 8, 2019 at 03:34

        Hahahaha yes!!! ?

        Reply

    • The D

      November 7, 2019 at 20:37

      I’m not that evil.

      Reply

  9. Admiral Chief

    November 7, 2019 at 20:36

    4/10 dafuq article

    Reply

    • Son of Banana Jim

      November 8, 2019 at 03:34

      4/10 dafuq comment

      Reply

      • Admiral Chief

        November 8, 2019 at 09:36

        4/10 real banana

        Reply

        • Son of Banana Jim

          November 8, 2019 at 11:10

          4/10 Admiral General of a landlocked country

          Reply

          • Raptor Rants

            November 8, 2019 at 15:06

            7/10 inbefore anyone else trolls

          • Son of Banana Jim

            November 8, 2019 at 22:30

            3/10 lacks 62 paragraphs

          • Gr8_Balls_o_Fire

            November 9, 2019 at 03:12

            6.2/10 for bad scoring

          • Deon Du Plessis

            November 9, 2019 at 03:13

            I rate these comments 5/7.

  10. Geoffrey Tim

    November 7, 2019 at 20:37

    Hey Darryn.
    Is alles oraait by die huis?

    Reply

  11. HvR

    November 7, 2019 at 20:37

    “cradling your Dualshock controller as if it were a helpless infant and cradling it to sleep every time it goes off isn’t one of them”

    https://media1.tenor.com/images/a4f1b7bab5c4fad68f1d356c2cc84b38/tenor.gif

    Reply

  12. Llama In The Rift

    November 7, 2019 at 20:53

    No 1 reason Death Stranding is better….Don’t have to pay for save slots!!!

    Reply

  13. MaSeKind

    November 7, 2019 at 21:07

    Well I’ve never played any Metal Gear games and didn’t even know who Kojima was until the hype started. But I can’t help being intrigued by this game and will probably check it out once it’s on PC.

    I’ll just have to take your word on this 🙂

    Reply

    • Gr8_Balls_o_Fire

      November 8, 2019 at 12:31

      Whaaaat….

      Do yourself a favour: get a PS2, and buy Metal Gear Solid 3: Subsistence. If you can find a copy.

      Reply

    • Gr8_Balls_o_Fire

      November 8, 2019 at 12:31

      Whaaaat….

      Do yourself a favour: get a PS2, and buy Metal Gear Solid 3: Subsistence. If you can find a copy.

      Reply

    • Gr8_Balls_o_Fire

      November 8, 2019 at 12:31

      Whaaaat….

      Do yourself a favour: get a PS2, and buy Metal Gear Solid 3: Subsistence. If you can find a copy.

      Reply

    • Gr8_Balls_o_Fire

      November 8, 2019 at 12:31

      Whaaaat….

      Do yourself a favour: get a PS2, and buy Metal Gear Solid 3: Subsistence. If you can find a copy.

      Reply

  14. Lee Clarke

    November 7, 2019 at 22:30

    Last time I checked Xbox gamepass wasn’t a free service…take your sepository and chill bra

    Reply

  15. Carter

    November 8, 2019 at 02:52

    “It’s got a little something for everyone!”

    ~ IGN (that little something this time is a funky fetus)

    Reply

  16. Jay Jabrolsky

    November 8, 2019 at 04:55

    A good laugh for the day.

    Death Stranding does look not look like my cup of piss. I prefer my video games with more than 19% actual engagement and game. I slightly enjoyed MGSV before I got bored and shunted it, but seeing the credits after every mission was hilarious and really started grating.

    Reply

  17. Gr8_Balls_o_Fire

    November 8, 2019 at 12:31

    Well, that was interesting indeed.

    Reply

  18. Gr8_Balls_o_Fire

    November 8, 2019 at 12:31

    Well, that was interesting indeed.

    Reply

  19. B.J. Blazkowicz

    November 10, 2019 at 00:33

    Anybody who thinks Survive is a good game is mentally defective. Its plot is a blatant ripoff of the Doctor Who episode The Empty Child.
    https://i.ibb.co/gSTYrYJ/kojima-hater1.jpg

    Reply

  20. S.J

    November 24, 2019 at 10:41

    True XD

    Reply

  21. Daniel Terle

    February 12, 2020 at 18:23

    I 100% agree, I can’t believe I sheepishly fell in line with the Geoff “Dorito Pope” Keighly narrative that Hideo was maligned worse than Jesus. Real talk picked this game up on Steam for cheap and haven’t put it down since. It is the most complete survival / zombie / base building game I’ve played in a long ass while that wasn’t something sold to me at full retail while still being in Beta (I’m looking at you Rust, DayZ, PubG, and Ark). If you liked MGS5 and were miffed at all of the snazzy weapons being underutilized as well as the gigantic ass maps having nothing *in them*, this game finally allows you go gunz-a-blazing while featuring tons of ‘Wanderers’ and other baddies on screen while still keeping a silky smooth 60 FPS. MG: Survive has the STEALTH, the ACTION, and hours upon hours of material gathering & crafting which scratches my itch. Not to mention the Co-Op in this game is solid as hell (no pun intended) haven’t had a single dropped game yet and this game rewards you for playing these modes. It’s a great game and I regret not having jumped on it sooner, check out the Discord, always someone looking to play.

    Reply

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