Capcom has a plan to deal with Street Fighter V rage-quitters this month

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Raul Bison

Even though I write about them, I’m actually consistently terrible at playing video games. Especially when I’m up against other human organisms online. Hell, just look at any of my streams for proof of this. Thing is, on the rare occasion that I actually am winning against someone who I can only presume has been hit with an entire bus that has gone through their entertainment area in the middle of a match, it’s a glorious feeling.

A wonderful, ecstatic sensation of bliss as I find myself this close to being a winner for once. And then most of them time, the bastards rage-quit on me. It’s the digital equivalent of kicking over the checkers board when you’re on the losing side, a problem that is apparently becoming prevalent in Street Fighter V lately. And Capcom wants to nip that problem in the sonic bud.

An update will hit Street Fighter V later this month, which they tweeted earlier this week:

Previously, Capcom began punishing repeat offenders by stripping them of League Points, provided that players could send in videos of proof. A system that isn’t really working and is a ball ache for anyone involved. Back then, Capcom said that they were “only targeting the worst offenders in our system.”

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My plan for dealing with rage-quitters is far more simple and efficient. We’ll find them, kidnap them and toss them into a pit. For if the UN does not pay me the $20 billion ransom that I requested, then I shan’t even give the offenders the dignity of a firing squad. No! Instead, I shall unleash my most dreaded creation, 4blanka on the culprits and watch them be torn limb from limb by a really angry keyboard warrior who blames the all-female Ghostbusters film for everything.

That, and I may also kidnap the queen of England so that I can raise the value of the M Bont dollar to help fund my ongoing feud with Geoff Claude Van Damme and his Road Brawlers. Wow, this story was quickly derailed.

Last Updated: April 15, 2016

Darryn Bonthuys

Something wrong gentlemen? You come here prepared to read the words of a madman, and instead found a lunatic obsessed with comics, Batman and Raul Julia's M Bison performance in the 1994 Street Fighter movie? Fine! Keep your bio! In fact, now might be a good time to pray to it!

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