Conan! What is best in life?
Crush your enemies! See them driven before you! Hear the lamentations of their women…And maybe having a massive dong.
Nothing. Nothing at all…
Games these days allow for all manner of customisation, but Conan: Exiles may have upped the stakes lately. Because yes, yes you can check the size of your endowment before you wreck yourself. Thanks to a handy endowment slider in the game, players now have the opportunity to adjust their manhood from Earthworm Jim through to Gleaming Love Sword size if the fancy strikes them.
I’m not going to embed the tweets from Chris Livingston here (Thanks for the imagery PC Gamer), but I will link his Goo Bazooka tweets here for you if you happen to be in an office which has a rule against looking at digital versions of heat-seeking moisture missiles. So prepare yourself for some very NSFW imagery:
And it gets even better. Smack V on your keyboard in Conan: Exiles, and you can enable a vanity mode which allows you to ogle your freshly engorged tower of power from all manner of various angles. Because this is the best use of the Unreal Engine 4 possible. Conan: Exiles is in Early Access right now, as numerous players roam the Hyperborean lands seeking fame and fortune in a land that is unforgiving and hostile. With their trouser titans proudly on display of course.
Because that is very much what is best in life.
Last Updated: January 31, 2017