Best action game? Done that. Best RPG? We did it already. Game of the year? BORING. At Critical Hit, we’ve got our fingers jammed straight up the anal pulse of the masses, observing and reacting to trends a day late and a buck short. We know the awards that people really want to see, instead of getting up at ungodly hour to hear about how Geoff Keighley is pals with Hideo Kojima.
There are prizes that some outlets are too scared to hand out to other games, but fret not! We’re high on several pints of liquid courage, have more confidence than an influencer faking their good life Instagram posts, and a devil may care attitude that’s usually reserved for dogs hopping around in long grass.
These, are the only video game awards that actually matter.
Best Assassin’s Creed game – Ghost of Tsushima
Stealth-action gameplay in a feudal Japanese sandbox? Ubisoft you’ve done it agai…What do you mean this isn’t a Ubisoft game?
Best game about hacking people in England – Assassin’s Creed Valhalla
Nice try Watch Dogs Legion, but Eivor’s way better at this than you are.
Best golf game – The Last of Us Part II
Abby’s got a hell of a swing, and yes I’m probably going to hell for this joke.
Best you’re not fooling anyone you know – Epic Games takes on Apple
One giant twat takes on another behemoth in the gaming space, and we’re both left to deal with the ramifications of two titanic pricks trying to make more money while attempting to look like good guys.
Best “well now I’m actually glad they delayed it” game – Halo Infinite
Is 343 Industries using this time to make more Craig memes? They damn well better be.
Best reasonable reaction to a video game before it’s even out – The Last of Us Part II’s review bombing on Metacritic
Trust me, I haven’t even played The Last of Us Part II but I’ll be damned if I’ll let something like an informed opinion stop me from bashing on this game that I hate so much that I’ll actually pay $60 to play it.
Sunk cost fallacy of the year – Anthem
Bioware, it’s never going to happen.
Best Xbox exclusive we can’t wait to play next year – Deathloop on PS5
A world premiere from Arkane Studios on Sony’s new console.
Best padding – Final Fantasy VII Remake’s vocal reaction noises
Hmm. Hmph! Uh. Mhh-hhm. Huh. HMMM!
Best boss fight – Amnesia: Rebirth’s main menu
I can‘t be scared if I don’t give the game a chance to make ectoplasm fluids appear in my pants.
Best ‘what’s the worst that could happen?’ moment of the year – Cyberpunk 2077’s PS4 and Xbox One release
What, you guys don’t like 12fps gunfights?
Best Darryn of 2020 – Darryn Binder
Oh for fuck’s sake, let me have this award just once in my life.
Last Updated: December 17, 2020