The United Nations are nothing if not a little scary. Ever since they awoke some kind of slumbering entity beneath the Earth’s crust I think most people have become a little distrustful of them. They seem to wield untold and unspeakable powers, sometimes using them for the good of the world and sometimes allowing their mere human brains to fuel their occasionally rash decisions. When the UN announced that they would be imprisoning Hideo Kojima in a prison of his own butt the world sighed with relief; sometimes the UN does right by the people.
Yet it appears that Kojima has managed a daring escape. No one is quite sure how, but the famed video game director was able to free his head from his own ass long enough to boldly create a new genre of game. With his hard-won freedom, Kojima took to Twitter to reveal that Death Stranding, his latest project, was “not a stealth game” nor was it an “FPS shooting game” but rather what he described as an “action game/strand game” to reference the game’s theme of connection. The UN was made aware of their prisoner’s escape due to the collective groans of exasperation from around the Internet and acted upon the news with haste.
Death Stranding, a strange and obtuse game that just recently received a gameplay trailer, has shown the player character both hiding in bushes, like every stealth game of the last 5 years and popping off with a rifle like every third-person shooter released in the last 10 years. The UN was clearly tired of Kojima’s onanistic comments and used their powerful magic to return his head firmly up his own butt. While many see the punishment as an outdated form of justice, citing the cruel task of Sisyphus and his boulder for similarly torturous treatment, many have praised the United Nations for their display of poetic justice.
Last Updated: June 6, 2019