HappyPlayTime is an instructional game that teaches women how to love themselves and men to love their women better. It was intended for release on Apple’s touch-screen devices, which barring tactile feedback is about as perfect a medium as you can get. Only it won’t be released, because Apple is run by prudes.
According to the game’s designer Tina Gong (via Kotaku),it was rejected by Apple because games about women touch themselves is not “something that Apple wants to go forward with.”
“I knew I was taking a chance with building the game natively but I was optimistic, as our app was created with a mission and with the best of intentions,” said Gong.
She was hoping the game would help dispel some of the taboos surrounding female sexuality and masturbation – something I applaud..I just wish the area in the representing the female genitalia wasn’t so damned creepy.
I still find it strange how much sexuality is repressed when it comes to just about any media. It’s fine and dandy for games to feature wanton murder, but the second you throw in anything resembling sexuality and it becomes an outrage. Society is quick to anger at nudity in the interest of protecting little Timmy from the shock of potentially seeing breasts, but digital recreations of war are just fine. I really wish ultra-conservatives would get over sexuality, and remember that that’s how we all got here in the first place.
The game may yet see release on Android-based platforms, but if Google’s overlords have a similar stick up their sexually-repressed bottoms, Gong’s only recourse would be to release the game as an HTML5 browser game for PC; in which case there’ll be no tapping for fapping, but clicking for schlicking.
Remember, there are two types of people in the world; those who masturbate, and liars.
Last Updated: May 19, 2014
Alien Emperor Trevor
May 19, 2014 at 13:33
Pointless until we have scratch-and-sniff screens.
Jedi JJ
May 19, 2014 at 13:53
Well, if you’ve been scratching all this time you’re doing it wrong.
Alien Emperor Trevor
May 19, 2014 at 13:55
You want me to make a crab joke don’t you.
Admiral Chief in Space
May 19, 2014 at 13:34
Heh, little Timmy….Speaking of, where is the little rascal these days?
Alien Emperor Trevor
May 19, 2014 at 13:35
Well…
Kensei Seraph
May 19, 2014 at 13:35
Shh, if you speak his name he will appear.
RinceofFuturePast
May 19, 2014 at 13:58
He’s got a new job and they don’t let them visit sites that should be visited 🙁
Admiral Chief in Space
May 19, 2014 at 14:05
Good to hear he has a job again
Jedi JJ
May 19, 2014 at 14:05
So he can use Google but not click on any of the links?
RinceofFuturePast
May 19, 2014 at 14:06
No clue. Think it’s more people looking over his shoulder.
Jedi JJ
May 19, 2014 at 14:07
Eish. Well, LG is one of the few sites I can actually access here (think it’s because it falls under the news24 abomination).
If I didn’t have this site….
or you guys….
I’d probably find something else. 😉
RinceofFuturePast
May 19, 2014 at 14:08
You don’t mean that!
Jedi JJ
May 19, 2014 at 14:10
No I don’t.
Where else would I be able to get T-Shirts made for wookies?
Unavengedavo
May 19, 2014 at 14:47
Bent wookies?
Hammersteyn
May 19, 2014 at 13:40
One word or two?
Sageville
May 19, 2014 at 13:41
Is that supposed to be a vagina or a baby?
Exalted Overlord Geoffrey Tim
May 19, 2014 at 13:42
Both,..and that’s what’s creepy.
Umar Returns
May 19, 2014 at 13:43
Extremely freaky….Rubbing a vagina baby
Unavengedavo
May 19, 2014 at 14:47
[Insert image of pedo bear here]
Dutch Matrix
May 19, 2014 at 13:48
I was wondering the same thing… So maybe Apple banning this one is not a bad thing…
CAE9872
May 19, 2014 at 13:48
Truly scary…
Alien Emperor Trevor
May 19, 2014 at 13:43
Let’s get ready to RUUUUUMMMMMMBLLLLLLLEEEEEE!!!!!!
CAE9872
May 19, 2014 at 13:49
iPad’s don’t rumble do they…probably why it was banned.
Alien Emperor Trevor
May 19, 2014 at 13:52
I don’t know. Zoe’d probably know. She likes the vibrating triggers & whatnot.
Umar Returns
May 19, 2014 at 13:43
It’s not that hard though …….
Create a fantasy in your head, let the story play out, sexy time in your fantasy?Then grip, pump, pump, pump, release grip, pant, pant, grip again, pump pump pump, ready tissue/newspaper/sock, pump, pump, pump, enjoy….clean up, wait 30 minutes, repeat
Hammersteyn
May 19, 2014 at 13:44
Pornhub plants a tree for every 100 movies watched, might as well help out.
Umar Returns
May 19, 2014 at 13:45
Wana help the Ozone and environment? Masturbate for a better future for our children
RinceofFuturePast
May 19, 2014 at 13:46
Wowza 0-O
Alien Emperor Trevor
May 19, 2014 at 13:49
Technically, it is that hard.
CAE9872
May 19, 2014 at 13:51
You beat me to it…
Alien Emperor Trevor
May 19, 2014 at 13:51
That’s what she said :/
Tomahawk "Lightning" Jones
May 19, 2014 at 13:45
Well, uneducated masturbation has cost how many people their lives? How many more need to perish before Apple changes its mind? How much more blood needs to be spilled?! YOU MONSTERS!
Umar Returns
May 19, 2014 at 13:46
Exactly!! People should know that a vacuum is not a pleasure machine
Alien Emperor Trevor
May 19, 2014 at 13:48
Well that sucks. Badumtish!
Where’d everyone go?
Mikhil
May 19, 2014 at 14:59
Tell that to Archer
Hammersteyn
May 19, 2014 at 13:46
Hahaha
http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ltbm98rwlY1qh59n0o2_r1_250.gif
Tomahawk "Lightning" Jones
May 19, 2014 at 13:55
I lost my best friend — Machete “Pyro” Jackson — to uneducated masturbation. Found the fool with his “wookie” snapped clean off… Bled out before we could save him… Oh god… Oh god, the memories… The poor bastard.
Dutch Matrix
May 19, 2014 at 13:50
I CANNOT COME RIGHT WITH THIS GAME!!!!!!!
Hammersteyn
May 19, 2014 at 13:51
I wonder what they have planned for DLC?
Dutch Matrix
May 19, 2014 at 13:53
Tannie Tina se Vibrator Laai…
CAE9872
May 19, 2014 at 13:51
nee man!!!
Alien Emperor Trevor
May 19, 2014 at 13:52
lol
Umar Returns
May 19, 2014 at 13:53
They have pills for that?
RinceofFuturePast
May 19, 2014 at 13:51
Well that was an anti-climax…
Hammersteyn
May 19, 2014 at 13:51
So is this
http://d24w6bsrhbeh9d.cloudfront.net/photo/amXQ25y_460sa.gif
CAE9872
May 19, 2014 at 13:52
whahahahahahahaha
Umar Returns
May 19, 2014 at 13:53
LOL
Alien Emperor Trevor
May 19, 2014 at 13:54
lolllllll
RinceofFuturePast
May 19, 2014 at 13:54
lol
Jedi JJ
May 19, 2014 at 13:56
I’m most impressed with him keeping his expression so serious.
Hammersteyn
May 19, 2014 at 14:02
Calm like a Zen master.
Jedi JJ
May 19, 2014 at 13:53
I come here for the first time today and this is what I read.
Exalted Overlord Geoffrey Tim
May 19, 2014 at 13:54
come again.
Jedi JJ
May 19, 2014 at 13:55
LOL
Come now Lazygamer, don’t flatter yourself.
DrKiller
May 19, 2014 at 14:04
I dont think the word “come” is appropriate for this article
RinceofFuturePast
May 19, 2014 at 13:55
You plan on coming again?
Jedi JJ
May 19, 2014 at 13:56
I come once, then just hang around.
Dutch Matrix
May 19, 2014 at 13:56
Bad choice of words for this type of article…
Umar Returns
May 19, 2014 at 13:59
I don’t see what’s wrong….I come here all the time. Sometimes when nobody is around as well
Jedi JJ
May 19, 2014 at 14:03
Trying coming after 5. After ION people stop coming here.
Tomahawk "Lightning" Jones
May 19, 2014 at 14:03
Is it hard? To come without ION?
Alien Emperor Trevor
May 19, 2014 at 14:12
Sometimes right after 4 depending on the ION. Not mentioning any “model” names.
Jedi JJ
May 19, 2014 at 14:19
So he’s a model? Interesting.
Hammersteyn
May 19, 2014 at 14:03
I definitely come for the ION articles
Hammersteyn
May 19, 2014 at 13:55
Tina Gong, the name just fits the product for me.
Admiral Chief in Space
May 19, 2014 at 13:57
Educational + masturbation…..two words I never expected to see next to each other
Hammersteyn
May 19, 2014 at 13:59
Americans needs everything to be drawn in crayon for them.
http://www.bay-of-fundie.com/img/2010/chainsaw-warning.jpg
Dutch Matrix
May 19, 2014 at 14:04
But who/what taught us all to masturbate? What glorious day was it when you looked down, and thought: “Let’s see what happens when I tug on THIS for a while…”
Unavengedavo
May 19, 2014 at 15:44
I think people are just afraid of the topic because…
Grant [_G_] Hancock
May 19, 2014 at 16:19
Totes Awks !
Norm
May 22, 2014 at 14:31
“According to the game’s designer Tina Gong”
….um. Right.