The sun was shining, I was working, when I heard the doorbell ring. The local FedEx delivery guy had arrived, with some new games that I had ordered, smiling and being wonderfully cheerful as usual.
I signed off on the package, ripped it open like a spoilt child on Christmas day, and there it was, the game that became the bane of my existence. Ninja Gaiden 3.
I hate this game. I’m still playing it, but I’m doing so with gritted teeth and a vein on my head that pulsates like a jackhammer. If you’ve ever grown up playing the older Ninja Gaiden games, and loved them, then this is the antithesis of that beloved franchise.
It’s got no heart, puts spectacle over core gameplay ideas, and has a combat system that was designed in the ninth circle of hell itself. And I hate it with the passion of a million exploding suns.
I’ll finish, but only because I’m a stingy bastard who doesn’t like the idea of wasting cash, but afterwards, I’m going to destroy this abomination. So here’s the question? How should I do it?
I can go Office Space on the game, and drop it like a bad photocopying machine. I can drag it into a dark alley, and kneecap the disc with a tire iron. Maybe I’ll dump it in acid. Or I could run it over with a car.
Tell me people. How do I kill this game? How do I put it out of mye and its own misery?
Last Updated: July 6, 2012