Home Gaming Hey look, penis physics!

Hey look, penis physics!

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46

bangers

Too often we talk about games having superfluous, completely unnecessary and wholly sexist boob-jiggling physics – so it’s refreshing to finally, finally be able to speak about one that has penis physics. For too long there’s been a complete lack of objectification of the male form in videogames but finally, finally we men get some fair overtly-sexualised representation of our fiddly bits. Videogames just aren’t inclusive enough, and this goes some way to changing that.

The game in question is Mount Your Friends (via Kotaku), an Xbox Live Indie Games title that bills itself as a "physics based competitive climbing game," but really is just an excuse to showcase wangly dongs. And goats.

Last Updated: July 31, 2013

46 Comments

  1. Spathi

    July 31, 2013 at 15:02

    This is so sexist! I vow to never play this game.

    Reply

  2. That Super Twit

    July 31, 2013 at 15:03

    LOL @ the sound effects.

    Reply

  3. Trevor Davies

    July 31, 2013 at 15:04

    lol @ article tags.

    Reply

    • That Super Twit

      July 31, 2013 at 15:06

      Hehe, yeah.

      Reply

  4. Admiral Chief Minion 47

    July 31, 2013 at 15:06

    O_O

    Jip, enough internet yet AGAIN for me

    Reply

    • Sir Rants-a-Lot Llew

      July 31, 2013 at 15:11

      Hoor hoor

      Reply

  5. Sir Rants-a-Lot Llew

    July 31, 2013 at 15:11

    So urm like guys, should we not like, you know, moan about this and throw up our arms and say we aren’t sex symbols or something like that?

    Also, INTERNET STOP TRYING TO BREAK ME! I have already needed waaaaaaaay too much brain bleach today!

    Reply

    • Spathi

      July 31, 2013 at 15:13

      I’m trying to get angry, but all I can think about is how funny ballsack physics would be for FPS games. Tea-bagging will never be the same!

      Reply

      • Sir Rants-a-Lot Llew

        July 31, 2013 at 15:14

        Oh my word! You are on to something here! HAHAHAHA!
        #Genius

        Reply

      • Trevor Davies

        July 31, 2013 at 15:54

        That reminds me of the old Soldier of Fortune FPS & it’s disturbing crotch shot kill.

        Reply

    • Trevor Davies

      July 31, 2013 at 15:35

      Do you mind if I first try out being a sex symbol for a while to see what it’s like? If it’s crappy then I’ll complain.

      Reply

      • Sir Rants-a-Lot Llew

        July 31, 2013 at 15:35

        Urm, well sure I guess. Knock yourself out man

        Reply

      • Spathi

        July 31, 2013 at 15:37

        Hahahhahaa! Together with your LG shirt, you’ll be warding of the girls like flies from a fresh turd.

        Reply

    • Unavengedavo

      July 31, 2013 at 15:36

      Yeah, it’s not like there is anything wrong with mounting your friends and a goat…

      Reply

  6. ElimiNathan

    July 31, 2013 at 15:14

    Hahaha dafuq!

    Reply

  7. OminousRain

    July 31, 2013 at 15:18

    haha, this is funny 🙂

    Reply

  8. Ultimo_Cleric N7

    July 31, 2013 at 15:19

    Never call dev’s sexist. GIGGLIES FOR EVERYONE! YAY!

    Reply

    • Sir Rants-a-Lot Llew

      July 31, 2013 at 15:19

      You are way to excited over this 0.o

      Reply

      • Rock789

        July 31, 2013 at 16:09

        Agreed… 😉

        Reply

        • Ultimo_Cleric N7

          August 1, 2013 at 08:32

          Comrade, in a world were only the well endowed have been giggly, we must fight the injustice of this previous regime to get giggly parts for everyone.

          Reply

  9. Hesperus Phosphorus

    July 31, 2013 at 15:22

    What a silly game… looks like fun!

    Reply

  10. Umar Kiiroi Senk?

    July 31, 2013 at 15:27

    This is the state of men in the industry … yet more video game characters portrayed as dicks …

    Reply

  11. Umar Kiiroi Senk?

    July 31, 2013 at 15:28

    By the way that weener and mash looks so yum

    Reply

    • Spathi

      July 31, 2013 at 15:30

      After watching the video, food is the last thing on my mind..

      Reply

      • Unavengedavo

        July 31, 2013 at 15:32

        He just want to gobble on some sausage… Wait… What?

        Reply

        • Umar Kiiroi Senk?

          July 31, 2013 at 15:32

          Actually I do, I really want a boerewors right now, with onions and chili sauce

          Reply

  12. Zoe

    July 31, 2013 at 15:38

    didn’t they perfect penis physics with the Watchmen? Dr Manhattan’s penis apparently cost millions to get right! use their engine!

    Reply

    • Slade Boender

      July 31, 2013 at 15:39

      It was blue, it doesnt even count. A friend told me ok 0.o

      Reply

    • Sir Rants-a-Lot Llew

      July 31, 2013 at 15:42

      Worst thing EVER to see on big screen. I was just like… 0.0 I feel so insignificant now 0.0

      Reply

    • Unavengedavo

      July 31, 2013 at 15:42

      There are pills for that, that are way cheaper…

      Reply

    • Umar Kiiroi Senk?

      July 31, 2013 at 15:42

      Satan’s shlong from Dante’s Inferno was worse, still etched in my brain

      Reply

      • Andre116

        August 1, 2013 at 07:13

        Satan’s shlong is etched in your brain? How deep did he stick it in???

        Reply

        • Umar Kiiroi Senk?

          August 1, 2013 at 07:20

          way too deep….it’s something I would not like to speak about 🙁

          Reply

  13. Slade Boender

    July 31, 2013 at 15:38

    “Tags: look at my wang, my wang is amazing, sexism in videogames” Fucking died lololololol

    Reply

  14. Amanda Nomlanga Acton

    July 31, 2013 at 16:02

    From the way those Penii are moving, it is obvious they are an important part of the game. Much in the same way animals use their tails, these men are using their penii to increase momentum and improve balance. Completely scientific and necessary. Aghem.

    Reply

    • Exalted Overlord Geoffrey Tim

      July 31, 2013 at 16:04

      *lulz* Yes, it’s the pendulum effect.

      Reply

    • Trevor Davies

      July 31, 2013 at 16:04

      I hadn’t thought of it that way, they’re like mini-rudders.

      Reply

  15. Paul Fouche

    July 31, 2013 at 16:18

    what the !! haha

    Reply

  16. CypherGate

    July 31, 2013 at 16:56

    LMAO WHAT ON THIS LIVING EARTH!?

    Reply

  17. Rags

    July 31, 2013 at 17:02

    Oh, I am so offended!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

    Reply

  18. Rock789

    August 1, 2013 at 07:55

    Damn, that is one big sausage fest… Wait, why are you all looking at me funny? I meant the header pic! Yeah, that’s what I meant…

    Reply

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