Lesbian Spider-Queens of Mars is now available… wait, what?

3 min read


Just when you thought you had seen it all, this bit of news pops up. Do you like Pac-Man type mazes? What about laser beams? How about topless ladies… that happen to be half spider? Then Lesbian Spider-Queens of Mars might be the game you’ve been waiting for! Post is potentially NSFW, so enter at your own risk.

I’m not even joking, the game really exists. If you’re a budding game developer and you’re wondering how best to get your game some much needed attention… well, I guess you can take some inspiration from this title. Here’s the launch trailer (via Siliconera)

Interested? I bet you’re dying to know what the premise is! Look no further, here’s a snippet  from the game’s page:

Rebellion on mars! the spider-queen’s harem of consensual slaves are up in arms and it’s up to her to recapture them, armed with a magical staff that fires bondage lasers. LESBIAN SPIDER-QUEENS OF MARS is a simple game, but a fast and difficult one, a one-handed game, playable with just the arrow keys.

Sounds legit… why on earth is the game one handed? Also, what is the poor Spider-Queen to do now that her slaves are rebelling? Capture them of course, by using a freaking bondage laser beam! If you are interested, the game can be bought for a minimum price of $5.

this is the TOTALLY UNCENSORED version of the game, and is not recommended for people who are uncomfortable with the thought of a half-human half-arachnid space dominatrix eschewing a bra.


I’m totally not uncomfortable with topless ladies. This on the other hand is so bizarre. I absolutely hate spiders! In fact, the spider in the header was snapped by me right before I burnt my house down and left the planet. Now marry that eight-legged concept with the idea of topless ladies and can you see why I’m so conflicted.

Read  Destiny 2’s next expansion is rumouring a return to Mars

Spider-Queens of Mars was actually first released by Adult Swim in 2011 as a flash game. You can try it out right here (for free) which should help you decide whether you’re happy parting with $5 or not for the uncensored version (ie: no bra on the Spider-Queen).


I’ve seen a ton of weird games, but this might be the strangest yet. What do you think? Will you be quelling the rebellion using a bondage laser beam? Or will you give the game a skip?

Last Updated: October 6, 2014

Matthew Figueira

Defence of the Ancients? More like Defence of the cabbages! Have you seen my head? I look like a Merino Sheep on pole. NO SHANGE only SHAPPIES! :D

  • Cadis Etrama Di Umar
  • Hammersteyn

    The lesbians at my pub doesn’t look like they could be models, unless you count mustache models.

  • JJ of Meridian

    Oh why

    • Hammersteyn

      Rule 34

    • Alien Emperor Trevor


  • Dutch Matrix

    And this is how, intellectually, humanity was set back 20 years…

    • Hammersteyn

      I think Kim Kardashians game set humanity back even further.

  • Jedi Consular Kromas

    Adult Swim. ’nuff said

  • HvR

    But if the spiders are lesbians who eats who? ….. doesn’t make any sense.

    • Kensei Seraph – Staff

      There’s a reason they have a harem of slaves..

    • Sageville

      Everyone eats everyone else, obviously.

  • Kensei Seraph – Staff

    If this is the weirdest game you’ve ever seen then you should probably avoid Darryn’s PC.

  • Sageville

    I think the most burning question everyone is begging to ask is….”Why Mars”?

    • Sk3tz0

      Because Uranus was occupied.. and Pluto was demoted..

  • Sk3tz0

    if this game goes viral.. i can see the copy cat games now.. The Analytical Zombies of Uranus. and Cum guzzling Queens of Jersey. no wait thats Jersey Shore… well u get the idea..

  • Sk3tz0

    i love how all games are going back to the 16bit Look.. Game companies been spending millions in getting photo realistic games going and games like Ascension Tower, Fez, OllieOllie and many more are like fuck it.. we’ll go old school..

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