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Mario is dead, behold the horror of Tokyo Olympic Games Sonic the Hedgehog

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Sanik

The Olympics were off to a rotten non-start last year thanks to…you know. What’s happening this year in the grandest sporting event of them all? Honestly I have no idea, but what I do know is that the digital equivalent of the Tokyo Olympic games just took a turn towards nightmare fuel. Mario is dead, and in his place is a much more terrifying version of Sonic, anthropomorphised to human form and ready to dominate all the competitions:

Well that’s just wrong on multiple levels. Will Sonic be subjected to a drug test to determine if there’s an illegal amount of Chaos emeralds in his blood stream? Is he technically allowed to explode into a shower of deadly golden ring shrapnel when he takes a hit in fencing? Honestly the only event where I think humanity has a chance against the evolution of the blue blur is in swimming, as we all know that Sonic can’t paddle for shit.

Beyond that, last night’s Sonic 30th anniversary stream had a whole lot more to show off. Sonic Origins brings back Sonic 3 and Sonic & Knuckles for the first time since Sonic’s Ultimate Genesis Collection for the PS3 and Xbox 360 back in 2009. Then there was news of a virtual symphony performing on Sonic’s birthday, which is June 23. Two Point Hospital looks HILARIOUS with its Sonic collaboration, and Lost Judgement is digging out Sonic: The Fighters as an in-game extra that you can play when you’re not busting heads.

You can see all that and more in the stream below, which ends with Sega teasing a new mainline Sonic game for 2022. Gotta go fast!

Last Updated: May 28, 2021

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