Home Gaming One man’s mission to adopt a dog is the best Skyrim story ever told

One man’s mission to adopt a dog is the best Skyrim story ever told

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One mission to adopt a dog in Skyrim

I’ve never been a fan of Skyrim or the sort of micro stories it tries so desperately to tell, but I’d be a fool not to concede that the Elder Scrolls epic allows for some amazing player-created adventures. Most of them involve hilarious glitches causing some unexpected effects during intense battles, but it’s the more heartfelt stories that really get to me. Like this one about a man trying what probably should be something incredible simple: Adopting a dog.

Now I have no idea why Skyrim handles it in this way, but here’s the too long, won’t read version of the process. As a player, you can’t adopt a dog. Not directly. The dog, however, can die at any moment, making protection of him incredible difficult. The dog can however be adopted by a child, who can be adopted by the player under a specific set of rules (apparently orphaned children are super picky). The child then randomly chooses a pet to adopt, so even then it’s a bit of a roulette for the poor little mutt you’re desperately trying to keep alive.

No one has documented this process better than Twitter user Patrick Lenton, who posted his almost frivolous attempt at adopting a dog while Tamriel burned to the ground. It’s an incredibly hilarious read from start to finish, which you should definitely give five minutes to.

If you don’t have the time, Patrick summarises it in a short Emoji tweet too. It’s loses all the nuances, but you get the idea of how insane the entire thread is.

This is frankly the best story I’ve seen come out of Skyrim, if only for the sheer frustration Patrick experienced trying to do something that probably should’ve been a much simpler feature. Perhaps Bethesda will listen for the next Elder Scrolls. Let us adopt those poor dogs!

Last Updated: April 6, 2016

28 Comments

  1. BWAHAHAHAHA FUS RO AWESOME!

    Reply

  2. Admiral Chief in New York

    April 6, 2016 at 11:43

    10/10 would read again

    Reply

  3. Hammersteyn

    April 6, 2016 at 11:44

    And then the dog bit him?

    Reply

    • Strawman Jim

      April 6, 2016 at 12:37

      and then he bit the dog?

      Reply

      • HairyEwok

        April 6, 2016 at 12:49

        as a kind gesture of friendship…. beats sniffing each others butts.

        Reply

  4. konfab

    April 6, 2016 at 11:46

    “and it’s like – do we have a polyamorous relationship and are raising our homeless daughter and her rat? bc that’s cool”

    Clearly it is 4E201 in Tamriel…

    Reply

  5. Raptor Rants

    April 6, 2016 at 11:47

    This is brilliant!

    Reply

    • Admiral Chief in New York

      April 6, 2016 at 11:48

      Story of the week right here

      Reply

  6. Raptor Rants

    April 6, 2016 at 11:48

    • konfab

      April 6, 2016 at 11:50

      wow, such voice.

      Reply

      • Admiral Chief in New York

        April 6, 2016 at 11:54

        Much loud

        Reply

        • Raptor Rants

          April 6, 2016 at 11:55

          So adventure

          Reply

          • konfab

            April 6, 2016 at 12:04

            many dragon

  7. RinceThis

    April 6, 2016 at 12:25

    But, WHY?

    Reply

    • Strawman Jim

      April 6, 2016 at 12:38

      Dude… #BlueBallStories

      Reply

    • Alien Emperor Trevor

      April 6, 2016 at 12:50

      ……. because you can. Do you even play games?

      Reply

    • Matthew Holliday

      April 6, 2016 at 13:04

      Why not?

      Reply

    • Captain JJ the Isolated

      April 6, 2016 at 13:22

      Because dogs

      Reply

  8. Strawman Jim

    April 6, 2016 at 12:37

    I think someone needs to help Patrick Lenton have sex. I would suggest starting a crowdfunding campaign. Maybe we can get mortal enemies (gamergate and SJWs) to bury the hatchet through a single mission to get one dude (who sorely needs it) laid…

    Reply

    • Raptor Rants

      April 6, 2016 at 12:43

      The SJWs would not stand behind someone being funded to get laid. I’m sure it’s against some or other social issue somewhere

      Reply

      • Strawman Jim

        April 6, 2016 at 12:50

        You might be right, something about white male privilege and semen in cups (they have this thing about drinking “male tears” aka semen. I don’t really get SJWs, but I sometimes get hungry when I see their candy cotton coloured hair… ).

        Reply

  9. DragonSpirit009

    April 6, 2016 at 12:41

    Haha I really enjoyed this read! I do love people who love animals.

    Reply

    • Captain JJ the Isolated

      April 6, 2016 at 12:49

      Agreed

      Reply

  10. HairyEwok

    April 6, 2016 at 12:48

    Skyrim….. doing dog stuff way before dogs were considered cool in games… I’m looking at you CoD.

    Reply

    • Matthew Holliday

      April 6, 2016 at 13:05

      doge jokes really took an arrow to the knee.

      Reply

  11. Captain JJ the Isolated

    April 6, 2016 at 12:49

    Never been a fan of Skyrim?
    So you have no soul?
    When did Rince get to you?

    Reply

  12. ChronopandaZA

    April 6, 2016 at 19:35

    This was hilarious to read, he’s lucky Lydia didn’t kick the dog into a dragon’s open maw at the earliest opportunity.

    Reply

  13. sheltomlee .

    April 7, 2016 at 02:26

    Modded Skyrim is still the bees knees.

    Reply

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