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How to be really good at Street Fighter V

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Even though I haven’t played a single minute of it and lied through my teeth in an E3 preview, I still consider myself to be a Street Fighter V expert. After all, I played one of the previous games featuring Stretchy Arm Guy and Raul Julia, and I was alright at it. You on the other hand, are not. You’re lousy, your combos are non-existent and your Hadoukens are more like Ha-nope-kens.

You have no idea then, how lucky you are to have the 2015 Mortal Kombat X Blogger champ/Miss Spain runner-up such as I among you. Normally, this is the part where you avert your gaze as I ascend upwards to my gold-plated SHIELD Helicarrier, but I’ve decided to show you how to not be awful at Street Fighter V. If only because the court demanded that I do some community service, after running over Matty accidentally. Several times. With an 18 wheeler truck. That had tires filled with concrete.

Anyway, here’s how to be really, really good at Street Fighter V:

Right, got it? Do you think I can leave you alone now and not watch you all get crushed by Ken Hadouken spammers? Awesome, my work here is done. NOW PREPARE YOURSELVES, FOR PSYCHO POWER!

Last Updated: February 16, 2016

No Comments

  1. HIT ALL THE BUTTONS REALLY FAST! Feast on the tears of your opponent when they can’t comprehend how their masterful strategy and years of practice were soundly defeated.

    Reply

    • Captain JJ 'saurus

      February 16, 2016 at 15:32

      Yep. This is pretty much 90% of the fighting games out there.

      Reply

  2. Hammersteyn

    February 16, 2016 at 15:32

    Do you take Bison Dollars? I need to get gud now!

    Reply

  3. Alien Emperor Trevor

    February 16, 2016 at 15:37

    For the longest time I thought a Psycho Crusher was some unique KFC Crusher flavour.

    Reply

    • Captain JJ 'saurus

      February 16, 2016 at 15:38

      Hahaha.
      It’s probably just pure vodka, with chopped potatoes instead of ice.

      Reply

    • Hammersteyn

      February 16, 2016 at 15:38

      I’d gonna work at KFC over the weekends just so that I can shout Psycho Crusher! When someone orders one

      Reply

      • Commander Admiral Chief

        February 16, 2016 at 15:39

        “I’d gonna work…”

        Huh?

        Reply

        • Hammersteyn

          February 16, 2016 at 15:39

          I’m…. f**k

          Reply

          • Commander Admiral Chief

            February 16, 2016 at 15:40

            Working at KFC will break you it seems

        • Captain JJ 'saurus

          February 16, 2016 at 16:06

          He’d got the street yo. Leave him be.

          Reply

  4. Hammersteyn

    February 16, 2016 at 15:37

    What’s the technique called where you use your foot? Toe Jam and Hurl?

    Reply

    • Commander Admiral Chief

      February 16, 2016 at 15:39

      That foot will haunt my dreams for quite some time

      Reply

      • Hammersteyn

        February 16, 2016 at 15:39

        Even the hobbits are retching

        Reply

        • Commander Admiral Chief

          February 16, 2016 at 15:39

          Some say, Frodo is still running away

          Reply

    • Alien Emperor Trevor

      February 16, 2016 at 15:39

      Console gaming?

      Reply

      • Hammersteyn

        February 16, 2016 at 15:40

        Well he did use a XBOX controller, which means it must’ve been on PC

        Reply

        • Alien Emperor Trevor

          February 16, 2016 at 15:41

          😀

          Reply

      • Commander Admiral Chief

        February 16, 2016 at 15:40

        Possible, I’ve seen videos of console gaming…the erratic, limited movements….IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW!

        Reply

      • Hammersteyn

        February 16, 2016 at 15:52

        I get it, he’s part of The Foot clan

        Reply

        • Alien Emperor Trevor

          February 16, 2016 at 15:56

          Explains why things are getting hairy.

          Reply

  5. Jan Prins

    February 16, 2016 at 15:38

    How to be really good at Street Fighter V
    http://www.famousbirthdays.com/headshots/steven-seagal-3.jpg

    Reply

    • Hammersteyn

      February 16, 2016 at 15:39

      E Honda? They’ll probably add him later

      Reply

      • Alien Emperor Trevor

        February 16, 2016 at 15:41

        “I just ate the cook”.

        Reply

        • Commander Admiral Chief

          February 16, 2016 at 15:42

          He ate the idiot sandwich too

          Reply

          • Jan Prins

            February 16, 2016 at 15:48

            He made a Hammersteyn sandwich ????

          • Hammersteyn

            February 16, 2016 at 15:50

          • Jan Prins

            February 16, 2016 at 15:53

            Guile doing a Johnny Cage move????

          • Hammersteyn

            February 16, 2016 at 16:03

            You giving me a low blow XD

          • Jan Prins

            February 16, 2016 at 16:08

            I have never low blown any man!

          • Hammersteyn

            February 16, 2016 at 16:39

            LOL

          • Alien Emperor Trevor

            February 16, 2016 at 16:00

            My favourite part of that is when he screams and stares at his fist beacuse he just realised how long it’ll take to get the sweat smell off.

          • Hammersteyn

            February 16, 2016 at 16:02

            hahaha

          • miaau

            February 16, 2016 at 16:01

            grandstanding. sure to work and never lead to trouble down the line

          • Captain JJ 'saurus

            February 16, 2016 at 16:07

            What kind of idiot charges at his opponent like that?

          • Hammersteyn

            February 16, 2016 at 16:08

            Zangief

        • Jan Prins

          February 16, 2016 at 15:47

          We are so in sync. It worries me.
          OH!OH!OH! Can I be Justin?

          Reply

          • Alien Emperor Trevor

            February 16, 2016 at 15:49

            Does that mean I have to be Joey Fat one?

          • Jan Prins

            February 16, 2016 at 15:49

            Yup. Sorry.

      • Jan Prins

        February 16, 2016 at 15:43

        More like he ate all the workers at a Honda factory.

        Reply

    • RinceThis

      February 16, 2016 at 15:56

      DLC

      Reply

      • Alien Emperor Trevor

        February 16, 2016 at 15:57

        That’s not DLC, that’s a full expansion.

        Reply

  6. RinceThis

    February 16, 2016 at 15:55

    HAHA!

    Reply

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