Ten video game weapons that we’d want in a zombie apocalypse

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With Resident Evil 2 returning this month and reimagining Raccoon City as a deadlier hive of the undead, we started to thinking about the most important things in life: Which weapon would we want with us if we were ever stuck in the middle of a zombie apocalypse? When it comes guns, swords and all manner of exotic tools of destruction, video games have never been short on ideas for death dealers.

With that in mind, we scoured decades worth of video game history to find those weapons which would work best when the world goes to hell in a handbasket. Here’s our look at the ten weapons we’d want to have locked and loaded for the apocalypse.

Lancer – Gears of War

Zombie Apocalypse weapons (9)

If we’re talking guns, what better weapon is there than the Lancer that was made famous in Gears of War? It’s massive, packs in an absurd number of bullets into every magazine and can fire shots off with pin-point precision. If you’re familiar with this gun, you know exactly why anyone would want it when dealing with leg-biters: That delicious chainsaw mounted on it, an impossibly sharp piece of engineering that has the potential to slice through the undead like a hot knife through butter.

High Frequency Blade – Metal Gear Rising Revengeance

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Sooner or later, you’re going to run out of bullets and that’s when you’re going to need to get up close and personal with the zombie hordes. And while the obvious answer for this scenario would be the lightsaber from Star Wars, Metal Gear Rising’s infamous High Frequency swords still top that weapon thanks to it being a video weapon first and the coolest damn thing ever. With the ability to seperate molecules from one another, this is one sword that has no problem slicing and dicing its way through even the chunkiest of zombies.

Pandora Briefcase – Devil May Cry 4

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What can the Pandora Briefcase do? It’s more of a question of what it can’t do. Depending on the scenario, this trendy piece of luggage can transform into a rocket launcher, provide covering fire as a sub machine gun and even turn itself into a massive mobile weapons platform. With 666 possible transformations, the Pandora is unlimited carnage in a handheld package.

Prometheus Lens – Destiny 2

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Let’s say that you’re fortunate enough to get your hands on something a little bit more exotic, a term that has a special meaning in Bungie’s Destiny games. While everything from rocket launchers to hand cannons exist as high grade weapons in that universe, we’d happily grab the impressive Prometheus Lens as our zombie-slaying weapon of choice. It has range, reloads with every kill and it simply gets more powerful the longer you hold the trigger down. Which would make it perfect for crowd control we reckon.

Plasma Cutter – Dead Space

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The beauty of the zombie apocalypse is that anything can be a weapon when the dead come knocking on your door. From sledgehammer to to cars, there’s a certain charm in seeing tools turned into life-saving weapons that can help stave off the dead. Dead Space’s a plasma cutter is one such example, a handheld device that carves out a unique place for itself on this list with its ability to dismember enemies and leave them ripe for a curb stomp. It proved its usefulness against quick and agile enemies in EA’s classic space-horror trilogy. Now imagine what it could do against a regular zombie.

Predator Bow – Crysis 3

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At some point, the bullets are going to run dry and you’re going to find out that you’ll need more stealth than cajones to weather the zombie apocalypse. Over the last couple of years, video games have developed a fetish for bows, and it’s not hard to see why. From the Legend of Zelda to Destiny, bows are some of the most poplar weapons around, but we’d happily place our money on Crysis 3 and the incredible versatility of the Predator Bow. Whether you’re after a big impression with explosive arrowheads or tried and trusted stealth, this is one weapon that can deliver the goods.

Dubstep Gun – Saints Row 4

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Proving once and for all that dubstep may be humanity’s worst invention since the Internet, Saints Row 4 manages to weaponise the horrid screech of random sound effects having a stroke and combine that cacaphony into a tool of mass destruction. The Dubstep Gun may not have as much destructive potential as some of the other weapons on this list, but trust us when we say that not even the walking dead can stand the sound of a flash in the pan musical genre, for long.

Leviathan axe – God of War

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Sure, the blades of Athena may be the obvious choice if we were to borrow a certain weapon from the arsenal of Kratos, but let’s be honest here: We’d probably chop our own legs off with those chain swords before we’d even managed to decapitate a single zombie. The Leviathan axe on the other hand, is both easy to use and functional in any scenario. Sharper than a Jimmy Carr comeback and able to return to your hand if you happen to drop it, the Leviathan Axe isn’t just handy in any scenario: It’s probably the most satisfying to use.

Bayonetta’s hair – Bayonetta

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Forget about guns and swords, because Nintendo’s most famous witch may have all of the entries on this list beaten with nothing more than a few strands of her own hair. And by hair, we mean a magical collection of keratin that can be whatever Bayonetta wants it to be: A skintight costume, painful tendrils, sharp spikes or even gargantuan beasts that can even beat demonic titans into submission. She must spend a fortune on hair care products for all that power though.

BFG 9000 – DOOM

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And lastly, we’ve saved the best and biggest for last. When the chips are down, all hope is lost and you’ve only got one gun to turn back an entire city of the infected, what could be better than DOOM’s classic room-clearer? The BFG 9000 may be stupidly massive and close to impossible to wield, but it’s still a weapon that can kill anything it happens to be pointed at. An extinction level event that can wipe out a species in one single shot, it’s the one weapon we’d love to have with us when the dead walk the land once again.

If we could even carry it, that is

Last Updated: January 24, 2019

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