A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…Some nerds decided to celebrate Star Wars day by looking back at the history of the franchise and spinning out a quick listicle in an effort to grow strong in the SEO-Force. They’re all dead now, gunned down by Order 69 (Heh, nice) and instead that task has fallen to me.
Hello everyone! Critical Hit asked yours truly, Garth…uh…Sirius to pen a post for them on the best of Star Wars just before they met an untimely end after they fell face-first into that chasm that George Lucas used to get rid of the Star Wars Holiday Special and the Boba Fett toys that could remove a child’s eye with an errant plastic missile blast.
It wasn’t easy, but after a whole of research that resulted in many dead Bothans delivering the information you see before you, I think we’ve got a working feature. One that has no weaknesses at all. Not even a small flaw in the design of its structure, like an exhaust port that a proton torpedo could easily be fired into that can bring the entire feature crashing down in a blaze of glory.
Here’s a look, at the ten best Star Wars games of all time.
Star Wars: Masters of Teräs Käsi (1997, PlayStation)
Ever wished that you could twat Darth Vader right in his silly leather gimp suit while he flung his glow-stick about the place? Star Wars: Masters of Teräs Käsi answered that question and then some, with a tight as nails combat arena game that was more polished than a museum display of Princess Leia’s slave bikini after nerds were done drooling assorted bodily fluids all over it. Cutting edge PlayStation One visuals at the time resulted in a game so good, that to even think of a sequel that could build on the benchmark this title set would be pure heresy.
Kinect Star Wars
If ever there was going to be a killer app for the Kinect, it was this masterpiece of rhythm and fan service. Not just a great looking game whose motion controls worked 60% of the time every time, this was the party game to rock out to thanks to hits such as Hologram Girl and I’m Han Solo. Can you truly say that you’ve lived when you haven’t faced off against Darth Vader and performed the Chewie Hug dance move? No, no you cannot don’t even try. It is useless to resist the dance side of the Force.
Star Wars: The Clone Wars – Lightsaber Duels
Some critics might say that Star Wars: The Clone Wars – Lightsaber Duels is a perfect example of hype failing to meet expectations, but I say that this is the game that truly taught you to respect the favoured weapon of a Jedi Knight. While Nintendo would have probably landed in hot water for selling a game that cleaved its userbase in half whenever they got too cocky, Nintendo’s solution was a more elegant approach for a more civilised time.
Which came down to making lightsaber combat an absolute chore while characters such as General Grievous screamed in Asthma at you. Truly, the definitive Star Wars experience at the time.
Star Wars: Rebel Assault
LucasArts’ first foray into the realm of CD-ROM based games was a muddy collection of low resolution FMVs and mangled dialogue between on-rails shooter sections, but at least it’s better than watching Star Wars: Rise of Skywalker.
Star Wars: Demolition
Twisted Metal was always an absolutely rubbish game no matter which platform it was, but at least taking that formula and adding Star Wars to the mix made it slightly less rubbish. Improvement high-fives for everyone!
Star Wars: Obi-Wan
Less Star Wars and more a what if scenario in which players finally got to realise what would happen if Ewan McGregor’s Trainspotting character of Renton went bananas with a lightsaber, Star Wars: Obi-Wan is a a work of art. Provided that you’re a patron for the type of art that focuses on a Jedi who handles like a drunk uncle at a wedding attempting the chicken dance.
Star Wars: Super Bombad Racing
Yeah listen, I don’t care what anyone says: Jar Jar Binks is the best especially because he helped my good friend Shiv Palpatine achieve unlimited power in the Galactic Senate, and him having his very own racing game that put Mario Kart in its place was simply perfect. Also, anyone here seen any Jedi lately? Asking for a friend who enjoys dressing up in leather and who constantly thinks about Natalie Portman while breathing like a perverted scuba diver.
Star Wars: Force Commander
Please ignore Darryn, because the best Star Wars strategy game isn’t Galactic Battlegrounds, it’s Force Commander. Some might say that it’s heavily broken and unbalanced in the favour of the Galactic Empire. I say it’s a perfect reflection of the merciless might of a well-oiled war machine that could never be stopped by the likes of teddy bears armed with sticks, stones and flesh that tastes surprisingly good after it has been cooked with some E-11 blaster bolts.
Star Wars: The Force Unleashed II
The original Force Unleashed may have the best storyline in all of Star Wars, bleeding edge technology for the time and a wonderful new hero in the form of Vader’s secret apprentice, but its sequel has something even better: A much shorter running time and double the action with a dual lightsaber combat system, which automatically makes it a better game. That’s pure maths, and you can’t argue with that.
Star Wars: Battlefront 2 before November 2017’s “incident”
Yes, yes! I can feel your hatred! Like a rebel Jedi wanting to kiss his own sister, it is useless to resist! Embrace the dork side of unfettered loot boxes, thinly-disguised gambling mechanics and a grind so ridiculously lengthy that it goes from half-arse to full-arse on a scale of evil genius! Truly, the best Star Wars game that the modern era provided.
Last Updated: May 4, 2020