Home Gaming This is what the gamer of tomorrow will look like, according to tabloid research

This is what the gamer of tomorrow will look like, according to tabloid research

2 min read

Hi Mike

I’m a firm believer in finding a balance between life, leisure and health. For every couple of hours I play games, I usually like to take some physical care of my gross body by subjecting it to a torture rack of instruments at my local gym, working up a sweat and pushing myself to the limit by doing an entire single pull-up. And for the most part, a lot of people feel the same!

You don’t need to be built like a brick outhouse to be healthy, you just need to do something. Get up off your butt, take a walk around the block or curl some cans of soup. There’s a stereotype out there of gamers being a bunch of unkempt basement dwellers engaged to their anime waifu pillows, but nothing could be further from the truth in this day and age. A truth that the Daily Mirror clearly forgot about with their latest feature on what the gamers of tomorrow will look like.

I’m not linking the UK’s premiere toilet paper here because stuff them, but here’s the ResetEra link where I stumbled on this. Anyway, according to the Daily Mirror this is what you will look like if you do nothing but play video games for the next 20 years:

Mike 2

The team has created a model called Michael, who doesn’t look too well. To create Michael, the team looked at research reports looking into the physical effects of staying indoors, sat in a chair while staring at a screen. The researchers explained: “The visualisation shows that Michael has pale and pasty skin from years of being in artificial light and the result of lack of Vitamin D and B-12. He has stress-related eczema across his legs and arms and a permanently bent back from poor posture.”

What’s hilarious about this Wallace and Grommit reject is that he was created by an online casino of all places, with their “research” suggesting that poor Mike will suffer from a number of maladies due to him fully committing to a life of chicken dinners and third-party game remakes. Mike’s going to have a skull with permanent headset indentations, the calluses of a champion wanker the posture of the Hunchback of Notre Dame.

In short, Mike is going to resemble and suffer from every single cliché under the sun that out of touch media has been spinning for the last couple of decades. I’m genuinely surprised that their mock-up didn’t mention Doom dementia, BitCoin blisters or Carmack tunnel syndrome.

Last Updated: April 7, 2020

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