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How to Pirate

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Sasharrrrrrrgh Grey

No, we’re not telling you how to illegally download games, music and videos from the seedy underbelly of the internet; that would be silly. Instead, we’re showing the the latest Assassin’s Creed IV gameplay walkthrough, narrated by the nearly monotone game director Ashraf Ismail. The footage shown is infinitely more exciting than the dreary chap would have you believe.

Watch in rapt wonderment as Edward Kenway does pirate things, like looting the dead, finding treasure maps, fighting with belly buttons, hijacking ships off the Somalian coast, downloading cars and selling bootleg copies of Man of Steel at the traffic lights on Malibongwe Drive.

Assassin’s creed Iv is coming to just about everything that plays video games in early November. It’ll be out on next-generation systems PS4, Xbox One and PC (Oh no you di’int!) a little later.

Last Updated: July 11, 2013

79 Comments

  1. Admiral Chief Groot Wors

    July 11, 2013 at 14:02

    Avast me hearties, now THAT be a sea-wench!

    Reply

    • Exalted Overlord Geoffrey Tim

      July 11, 2013 at 14:03

      I heard you can shoot seamen in this game.

      Reply

      • Admiral Chief Groot Wors

        July 11, 2013 at 14:03

        Arrrrrr

        Reply

      • Martin du preez

        July 11, 2013 at 14:24

        MAN THE POOP DECK…wait

        Reply

  2. Admiral Chief Groot Wors

    July 11, 2013 at 14:03

    Heh, crabs

    Reply

  3. Slade Boender

    July 11, 2013 at 14:07

    I think she gave me a peg leg…

    Reply

    • Admiral Chief Groot Wors

      July 11, 2013 at 14:11

      Aye matey, aye

      Reply

    • John Ambitious

      July 11, 2013 at 14:25

      You be watchin’ out for them termites in yer wooden leg

      Reply

  4. Admiral Chief Groot Wors

    July 11, 2013 at 14:11

    Arrrrrrrr, I cannae wait to get me pirating on!!!

    Reply

    • John Ambitious

      July 11, 2013 at 14:16

      It is when pirates count their booty that they become mere thieves.

      Reply

      • Kromas

        July 11, 2013 at 14:19

        I like big booty and I cannot lie.

        Reply

  5. Jonah Cash

    July 11, 2013 at 14:16

    The ship is the second most important character in the game!! That is freaking awesome!! Wish I could name it myself though. Like the name Jackdaw but what if I wanted to call it Dingy or Nemo or something else???

    Reply

    • John Ambitious

      July 11, 2013 at 14:16

      Ocean wood

      Reply

      • Admiral Chief Groot Wors

        July 11, 2013 at 14:16

        XD

        Reply

      • Jonah Cash

        July 11, 2013 at 14:19

        Hahahahaha!! What a good name that would be, but then you would have to play online and be number 1 in the world so that you can share it with everyone!!

        Reply

        • John Ambitious

          July 11, 2013 at 14:29

          Yes, and if you’re right at the bottom your ship gets called a seamen scoop.

          Reply

    • Admiral Chief Groot Wors

      July 11, 2013 at 14:17

      I be calling me ship thar Groot Wors

      Reply

  6. Admiral Chief Groot Wors

    July 11, 2013 at 14:17

    Yo ho, a pirates life for me!!!

    Reply

  7. Umar Kiiroi Senk?

    July 11, 2013 at 14:19

    Sigh … why am I getting excited for this game 🙁 I was so against it but meh …. damn you well put together trailer!

    Reply

    • Jonah Cash

      July 11, 2013 at 14:21

      I was thinking the same thing. Where did our hate go after the Ass Creed 3 shambles???? Oh it got pirates and a ship which is a character on its own…. Bastards!!!

      Reply

      • Trevor Davies

        July 11, 2013 at 14:22

        I don’t think much of the ship as a character, it’s acting is a bit wooden. dumdum tish!

        Reply

        • Exalted Overlord Geoffrey Tim

          July 11, 2013 at 14:27

          I’m calling my ship “Keanu Reeves” or “That bitch from Twilight”

          Reply

          • Jonah Cash

            July 11, 2013 at 15:40

            But can your ship only have one facial expression??????

      • Umar Kiiroi Senk?

        July 11, 2013 at 14:26

        exactly sigh … that looked freaking awesome DAMN YOU UBI!!

        Reply

      • John Ambitious

        July 11, 2013 at 14:27

        The redemption is strong in this one

        Reply

        • Umar Kiiroi Senk?

          July 11, 2013 at 14:28

          Very strong indeed…..I think we can give it another shot …..

          Reply

  8. Martin du preez

    July 11, 2013 at 14:25

    FU Ubisoft for getting all hyped up again. Another year,another collectors edition I HAVE to buy :/

    Reply

    • Troll Slayer

      July 11, 2013 at 14:32

      I love your sarcasm. For a minute I thought you was going to buy this.

      Reply

      • Martin du preez

        July 11, 2013 at 14:33

        You found me out.. I hate Assassins creed..Oh wait

        Reply

      • Martin du preez

        July 11, 2013 at 14:40

        Reply

        • Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)

          July 11, 2013 at 14:44

          You’re.. my hero! The games have certainly lost a bit of steam, but that’s a damn fine collection!

          Reply

          • Martin du preez

            July 11, 2013 at 14:47

            Big fan! That’s why I feel they need another chance even after they made me rage in AcIII.

        • John Ambitious

          July 11, 2013 at 14:49

          Hey everybody! Big braai at Martin’s house

          Reply

        • Rene' Fraser

          July 11, 2013 at 14:54

          Now that is not a bad collection.

          Reply

        • Sir Rants-a-Lot Llew

          July 11, 2013 at 14:58

          Good grief man

          Reply

        • John Ambitious

          July 11, 2013 at 15:02

          You’re missing something…

          Reply

          • Admiral Chief Groot Wors

            July 11, 2013 at 15:05

            O_O so damn cooool!

        • John Ambitious

          July 11, 2013 at 15:58

          Took me a while to find, but thought you might like this.

          Reply

          • Martin du preez

            July 11, 2013 at 16:00

            That is awesome! My phone’s new wallpaper now! Thanks!

  9. Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)

    July 11, 2013 at 14:28

    After the dismally undercooked AssCreed 3, I think I’m going to pass on this one.

    Reply

    • Umar Kiiroi Senk?

      July 11, 2013 at 14:29

      I applaud your strong will

      Reply

      • Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)

        July 11, 2013 at 14:31

        Sifu Geoff Tim taught me his legendary Iron Penis qi qong technique. Now I have the will of a LEGEND!

        Reply

        • John Ambitious

          July 11, 2013 at 14:34

          For a human banana that must be quite a feat

          Reply

          • Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)

            July 11, 2013 at 14:37

            Sifu Geoff works magic, and as a reward you get a pork bun! 😀

          • John Ambitious

            July 11, 2013 at 14:39

            Oo! Pork!

        • Trevor Davies

          July 11, 2013 at 14:35

          Erm… I’m going to go stand WAYYYYYYYYY over there.

          Reply

          • Admiral Chief Groot Wors

            July 11, 2013 at 14:36

            I’m standing even further away

          • Umar Kiiroi Senk?

            July 11, 2013 at 14:37

            I’m standing right next to him I wana learn that technique!

          • John Ambitious

            July 11, 2013 at 14:38

            I think the last guy who stood there now goes by the name Broken Barry

          • Trevor Davies

            July 11, 2013 at 14:40

            I’m sure your previously mentioned zombie lover will appreciate it :/

          • Umar Kiiroi Senk?

            July 11, 2013 at 14:41

            Hey!….Don’t call her a zombie … she prefer’s the term heartbeat challenged

          • John Ambitious

            July 11, 2013 at 14:43

            That’s a good one. I hope you at least keep her on ice when you’re not home.

          • Umar Kiiroi Senk?

            July 11, 2013 at 14:43

            Naa, she’s self sustaining , just needs a few rats

          • John Ambitious

            July 11, 2013 at 14:46

            Oh, okay. That makes it much easier.

        • Admiral Chief Groot Wors

          July 11, 2013 at 14:38

          Is that code talk for swedish cock pump?

          Reply

    • John Ambitious

      July 11, 2013 at 14:30

      I got my Assassins Creed III for free with my GFX card. I now know why. So it’ll be difficult to spend money on the next.

      Reply

      • Trevor Davies

        July 11, 2013 at 14:37

        Was it a Nvidia? Please say yes. 😀

        Reply

        • John Ambitious

          July 11, 2013 at 14:37

          It was.

          Reply

    • Jim Lenoir (Banana Jim)

      July 11, 2013 at 14:34

      But seriously though, it looks exactly the same as AssCreed 2, Brotherhood, 3, essentially the same models – yet with the costumes altered. The animation is definitely the same as it was in AssCreed 2, 3.

      I’ll admit, the naval battle thing looks wicked… I have to keep my inner Jack Sparrow in check.

      Reply

      • Umar Kiiroi Senk?

        July 11, 2013 at 14:36

        Have to agree with that that though the animation looks exactly the same as 1 which is quite dissapointing

        Reply

        • Unavengedavo

          July 12, 2013 at 09:03

          That could be attributed to the fact that the Animus has only a set base of controls and… I am just talk total BS right now, Assassins Creed 2 was still the best in the series!

          Reply

    • Marc O Polo

      July 12, 2013 at 05:37

      will wait till its ps platinum or xbox classic… then its only a maybe i’ll spend the cash

      Reply

  10. FoxOneZA - X-Therminator

    July 11, 2013 at 14:30

    ZzZzZzZzZz

    Reply

  11. Captain Minion TallTwit

    July 11, 2013 at 14:31

    You assume that we associate the word ‘pirate’ with illegal downloading. I’m hurt. :<

    Reply

    • Umar Kiiroi Senk?

      July 11, 2013 at 14:34

      So I take you’re a pirate?

      Reply

      • Captain Minion TallTwit

        July 11, 2013 at 14:48

        Neveraaaaggghhhhhh O_o

        Reply

    • John Ambitious

      July 11, 2013 at 14:35

      Come on Senk?. I’m pretty sure no one does that anymore.

      Reply

      • Umar Kiiroi Senk?

        July 11, 2013 at 14:36

        Well I meant pirate in the Arrr sense

        Reply

        • John Ambitious

          July 11, 2013 at 14:41

          Yes, yes. Of course.

          Reply

  12. John Ambitious

    July 11, 2013 at 14:36

    It looks a bit to me like that girl in the pic is about to fall asleep.

    Reply

    • Admiral Chief Groot Wors

      July 11, 2013 at 14:37

      Thas cuz she was looking at you!

      Trololol I keeeed I keeeeed

      Reply

      • John Ambitious

        July 11, 2013 at 14:39

        Hahahaha. I’m laughing way too much today. People might actually think I like it here at work.

        Reply

  13. Theo Steenekamp

    July 11, 2013 at 14:53

    Geoff Geoff… You just trolled the NSA with this article..

    Reply

  14. HvR

    July 11, 2013 at 15:11

    The only thing that made me cringe a bit was that semi automatic swivel gun.

    Reply

  15. Xelus

    July 11, 2013 at 15:29

    And suddenly I like pirates, arrr the header made mah header ache! XD

    Reply

    • Zubayr Bhyat

      July 12, 2013 at 08:58

      it’s more like… HARD A LARBOARD LAD!

      Reply

  16. Marc O Polo

    July 12, 2013 at 05:28

    after the last assassins creed they would have to give me the game and then only maybe i’d play it

    Reply

  17. johndoe

    October 19, 2013 at 03:50

    if you guys really want to know how to pirate check out http://www.howtopirate.tk

    Reply

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